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Original poster

Just broken up

52 replies

WhatonearthwasIthinking · 11/01/2025 10:10

Just broken up after two years together. He is a wonderful man and whenever I was with him I had the best time. I have no doubt at all that he loved me completely; he would have done anything for me and he made me feel secure, loved and special, it wasn't just words.

I have a busy life with a lot of commitments and hobbies that I enjoy, I have two grown up sons and two grandchildren, I have animals and elderly parents and, as he didn't live close, every time I saw him I sacrificed some time doing something or with people I loved.

I felt like I was losing me, and although I know I will never be loved that way again, I had to do it. I've been thinking it for a while and yesterday I just had to say something.

He hasn't been in touch at all, which is of course his prerogative.

I don't think I've done the wrong thing, but I don't have anyone to talk to about it just now and I would really appreciate hearing the thoughts of others x

OP posts:
Ilovethatbear · 11/01/2025 20:10

I don’t understand. If this bloke is so fabulous and you loved each other, why didn’t he just move closer to you?

You say that was the problem. He’s retired. Did you ever suggest it?

PierceMorgansChin · 11/01/2025 20:21

LostittoBostik · 11/01/2025 12:23

I disagree with this. If the time spent with him felt like a sacrifice, a removal from the OP's true self, rather than a massive bonus and a wonderful addition to her life, then it wasn't the right relationship. Always trust your gut.

OP, you will be loved again - in a way that fits better in your life and the person you are. Well done for listening to what your inner self was telling you.

Show quote history

Absolutely no guarantee OP 'will be loved again'. None. Doesn't seem like romantic partner is high on her list of priorities anyway

PromiseNotToCall · 11/01/2025 20:24

It does not sound like you want/need a relationship. You clearly don't have enough time to be in one, either. Nonetheless, It's great you have a life for yourself, so enjoy it alone.

Lastly, why you may feel discomfort he hasn't reached out to you; he's likely hurt. There isn't a need for him to reach out, either.

GoingOffScript · 11/01/2025 20:43

I’m sorry @WhatonearthwasIthinking I don’t get it. If he’s retired, no kids/grandkids/commitments and … you love each other, why not MAKE time? Do you realise how amazing it is to not only meet someone later in life and to connect and LOVE? Of course, maybe, it was what you thought you wanted, have gotten it and find the single life is ACTUALLY what you’re all about. In which case, tell him and he might (just might) have an opportunity to meet someone else who DOES want a loving supportive relationship. If he was working and had family commitments still, I’d get it but honestly, I don’t, from what you tell us.

Original poster
WhatonearthwasIthinking · 11/01/2025 20:53

@Ilovethatbear No, the distance wasn't the issue at all - it was the fact he wanted more than I could give.

He is amazing, I do hope he is snapped up by someone who can give him what he needs. I'll miss him very much, but I know I wasn't being fair to him. Doesn't make it any easier though; my heart hurts too.

OP posts:
PromiseNotToCall · 11/01/2025 21:04

WhatonearthwasIthinking · 11/01/2025 20:53

@Ilovethatbear No, the distance wasn't the issue at all - it was the fact he wanted more than I could give.

He is amazing, I do hope he is snapped up by someone who can give him what he needs. I'll miss him very much, but I know I wasn't being fair to him. Doesn't make it any easier though; my heart hurts too.

Well, it was kind of you to let him go. He will undoubtedly be snapped up, as he sounds like a catch.

GoingOffScript · 11/01/2025 21:09

@WhatonearthwasIthinking He may be happier. Does he have no life beyond you, as a retired man? If he’s that lovely, he’s a catch for someone else 😊

Original poster
WhatonearthwasIthinking · 12/01/2025 12:59

For any interest parties, after a two hour phone call we have decided to try again with compromises on both sides.

Thanks for all your comments Flowers

OP posts:
martinisforeveryone · 12/01/2025 13:44

Well that's a nice thing to hear @WhatonearthwasIthinking because it's not often we come across people who we can talk about in such glowing terms and where the feeling's reciprocated, so good luck to you both. I hope you can work out something special.

NeedsMustNet · 12/01/2025 14:07

WhatonearthwasIthinking · 12/01/2025 12:59

For any interest parties, after a two hour phone call we have decided to try again with compromises on both sides.

Thanks for all your comments Flowers

Am really glad to hear this. I hope you can find ways to balance your and his needs - the gap between what you and he want doesn’t sound, to a stranger reading about it, that big.

GoingOffScript · 12/01/2025 14:25

It gives me hope!! Finding people who you’re comfortable with and it’s reciprocated. Not to be sniffed at! 😊

ListenDontJudge · 12/01/2025 14:29

WhatonearthwasIthinking · 12/01/2025 12:59

For any interest parties, after a two hour phone call we have decided to try again with compromises on both sides.

Thanks for all your comments Flowers

Yes!!!!

ListenDontJudge · 12/01/2025 14:31

Did he call you? 🤗

2025herewecome · 12/01/2025 14:37

WhatonearthwasIthinking · 12/01/2025 12:59

For any interest parties, after a two hour phone call we have decided to try again with compromises on both sides.

Thanks for all your comments Flowers

That’s really good to hear! 😊

Original poster
WhatonearthwasIthinking · 12/01/2025 16:01

@ListenDontJudge Yes; he sent a message asking if we could talk, and I wanted to let him rant if he needed to. After a lot of tears from both sides we realised we have too much to give up without a fight.

OP posts:
PromiseNotToCall · 12/01/2025 16:40

WhatonearthwasIthinking · 12/01/2025 16:01

@ListenDontJudge Yes; he sent a message asking if we could talk, and I wanted to let him rant if he needed to. After a lot of tears from both sides we realised we have too much to give up without a fight.

Love, love, love this. Awuh, I am happy for you. I hope the pair of you make it work @WhatonearthwasIthinking

GoingOffScript · 12/01/2025 16:48

Is he fully retired? Are you near to retirement? I see wonderful things ahead of you. Hopefully, together!

ChessorBuckaroo · 12/01/2025 17:29

That's a nice update OP.

And you didn't do anything wrong with your initial decision either.

Not exactly the same thing but it does relate to being happy with being single, but my aunt, when she lost my uncle (who was a fantastic man) she basically said there and then that's it for it. She was in her early 50s when he died. Another of my aunts had suggested to her she will find another person, but my aunt had no interest. It was him and thats it. She goes to his grave daily (when she is not on holiday or cannot go for whatever reason), and she has a full life with family and is very content.

CharSiu · 12/01/2025 18:31

Thanks for the update, keep communicating and I hope it works out for you both.

ListenDontJudge · 13/01/2025 00:16

WhatonearthwasIthinking · 12/01/2025 16:01

@ListenDontJudge Yes; he sent a message asking if we could talk, and I wanted to let him rant if he needed to. After a lot of tears from both sides we realised we have too much to give up without a fight.

That's so nice. Good luck.

SereneCapybara · 13/01/2025 08:02

@CleverAquaCrab I hope you have the courage to move back asap.

@WhatonearthwasIthinking it sounds like you were the only thing going on in his world, whereas he was only part of your world.

If you adored him and he genuinely adored you, he would meet you half way with this - coming to family and friends gatherings and adding to them with warmth, wit, generosity, wisdom. He would encourage together but separate time where, for example, you have a weekend together but he takes a few hours to go cycling or do his woodwork or whatever and you have a few hours to keep up with an interest of your own, then meet together in the evenings and chat about your days. But it sounds as though you never got beyond the stage of giving him your undivided attention. And maybe you sense that he was hovering and hoping for this 24/7 as he hasn't built much of a life of his own.

SereneCapybara · 13/01/2025 08:04

I don;t quite understand, though @WhatonearthwasIthinking . If you do love him. can you not chat it over with him and say you love him but to thrive you need plenty of life outside the relationship, so for it to work, he would need to find equal interests in his own life.

Original poster
WhatonearthwasIthinking · 13/01/2025 20:34

@SereneCapybara you are quite right - he does need to find his own interests. That's one of the things we spoke about - he's putting all his time and attention on to me, and I need him to have his own life so when I am busy with mine he also has things to do and doesn't just wait around for me to be free. I felt responsible for his happiness and for him being 'entertained' and felt guilty when I was doing my own thing. I am hopeful that I have now explained my thoughts to him sufficiently well now though 🤞

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatonearthwasIthinking · 13/01/2025 20:37

@SereneCapybara he would like to come to family gatherings; it's me that's keeping him at arms length there. I want to do my own thing and he wants to be 100% part of my life. So compromise needed but as many posters have said, finding a good man is like a needle in a haystack so I think it's worth trying before giving up completely.

OP posts:
GeorgeMichaelsCat · 14/01/2025 06:17

Good luck 💐 Hope you can make it work