I'll try to keep this short but it's a complicated story. I've been NC with my dad for 5 years. I'm an only child and we've always had a very up and down relationship. Growing up he was volatile, shouty, sometimes physical, controlling and suffocating. But could also be very loving and kind and generous. As a I grew up and developed opinions that were different to his, we clashed massively. I've always hated how he treats my mum, and dominates her but they're still married.
5 years ago my DD died suddenly and unexpectedly during labour. Obviously it was devastating and horrific. Unfortunately at a time when everyone around us was trying to make things better, my dad made things worse. I think grief thief is the correct term. Then when I told him how his behaviour had upset me, I got a load of abuse back so I cut contact. I still speak to my mum regularly but rarely see her because of his control.
Over the past year or so his health has worsened significantly and my mum is pretty much his full time carer. He can't really be left on his own for very long. I have thought about reaching out and seeing him given his failing health but then he'll say or do something that makes me realise he's the same old narcissitic selfish man. Today he messaged me directly asking to meet his grandchildren who are 4 and 20 months. His message contains some of the old BS, such as 'don't forget I was a very good father to you', (he wasn't IMO) and 'I ask you to let me see them before it is too late' etc... which doesn't make me want to expose my kids to him. But equally I am wavering because I know he is genuinely pretty unwell and he may not be here much longer and do I want to regret not introducing them? I'm, so torn, I don't know how to manage this. Any advice?