Meeting after video chat

[Mili4]

Hey, ladies. Have you ever had a situation where you talked to a man via video and you liked him, but when you met him you didn’t like him? Or maybe he didn’t like you.

I'd imagine it's pretty common. You can't always tell your going to have a real attraction until you interact face to face. People can perform for the camera, even without realising. I think some people filter their videos too.
If that happens then just move on. But if there were lots of things you thought you liked apart from looks then maybe give them another chance.

Yes, you’re right, thanks. Btw , how can I filter my video?) If I use WhatsApp or telegram for example

This all sounds dodgy and full of red flags.

I don’t think him being from abroad is necessarily a bad thing if he is genuinely wanting to see you in person. You can’t always find your person in your local town or country and that’s ok. Plenty of people find love abroad be it online or while travelling.

However, it’s a bad sign when men make sweeping (negative) generalisations like this about the women in their country.

Complaining about women being “spoiled” often also means they expect to give you less than the bare minimum and are training you to accept it joyfully in order for you to prove you’re not spoiled like those “other girls”

You're arguing with someone you've never met who "demands" video calls?

He sounds ideal.

“also means they expect to give you less than the bare minimum and are training you to accept it joyfully in order for you to prove you’re not spoiled like those “other girls”” , yes, I thought the same. I see many bad signs about that man. He is a grown man but never lived with a woman which means he probably never wanted something serious. And also I don’t like he doesn’t keep his words, for example he promised to come in December and now he says that he will come in March, that’s a bad bad sign for me.

Stop the video chats. He has seen you in photos and also had at least one video chat so he know what you look like. If you’re not comfortable with further video chats why is he pushing it?

If he actually wants to see you one day in person you will have to meet up be it in Cyprus or the US, but right now you’re just entertaining him for free via video while he sits on his butt in whatever the US or wherever country he is .

I always refused video chats when I was single. If I haven’t met you in the flesh you don’t get to video chat with me! What you’ll find is that some men are time wasters and a bit bored or lonely and want someone to talk to.

I actually doubt that he has any real intention of coming over to Cyprus anyway. He seems a bit of a red flag. I’d drop this one.

. And also I don’t like he doesn’t keep his words, for example he promised to come in December and he says that he will come in March, that’s a bad bad sign for me

Yeah and of course there will be some mishap which prevents him from coming in March and he will push the trip back to august or something . He’s just stringing you along by the sounds of it.

Block, delete. At the first sign of a red flag - block and delete. Highly advise you follow the burned haystack method for dating - look it up OP. It will save you so much nonsense - like with this man, which I guarantee will leave you feeling like you've just wasted your time.

“right now you’re just entertaining him for free via video while he sits on his butt in whatever the US”, SPOT ON, dear, spot on! You got me! That’s why I rejected him a video many times and he got mad. I suspected something was wrong. I told him with my mouth “if you want to see me come and see”.

Yes, I think if he was really interested in me he would have already come to see me. Probably he uses me to fill up emptiness till he finds someone real. I’m afraid of men nowadays.

Yes because even local men try this lazy crap too. It’s as if they can’t even be bothered to get ready and take a woman out for a coffee, but they want her company so try and have a pseudo relationship through video call. I blocked two men when they attempted to video call me after I’d already told them I wasn’t up for video calling.

I told him with my mouth “if you want to see me come and see”.

Very well said!

Op, I’d move on now, I don’t think this man genuinely plans to visit you. And he’s already trying to control you.

@Mili4 thank you. You're asking the wrong woman about filters etc. I'm afraid.
I don't even do video calls at all. If anyone doesn't already know what I look like moving and speaking then they don't need to?! Lol 🤣

“I blocked two men when they attempted to video call me after I’d already told them I wasn’t up for video calling.” haha , you were right! Sad I don’t have a friend like you ! My friends here told me that I'm too strict with him and I shouldn't deny him so many videos, that he just wants to get to know me !! So silly

Just kidding) I don’t like filters.

I’m done with video chats too. Now I'm convinced that I was right when I didn’t want video with the guy who did nothing to prove he really liked me.

Ok so not a marine.

How about the oil industry? Does he work in the oil industry?

And for a full house is he a widower?

Men like that are dangerous because they’re testing your boundaries right from the start and seeing how far they can push things to insist on their own way, so I have no time for them 😂 I also find it very lazy and unmanly so it’s a complete turn off lol

Perhaps your friends haven’t had as many bad experiences with men or as much experience with online dating as I have so they’re more optimistic - but actually yeah their advice is very unwise and sadly naive! I’m glad you don’t seem to be listening to it!

As well as that it’s also possible he actively doesn’t want to forge true emotional intimacy and therefore actually prefers to conduct a long distance “relationship” with a woman he’s never met through a video screen and by text.

A “real” in person woman would demand more of him emotionally and practically .

And it’s much easier to fake things to a woman you only speak to by text/phone/ video call.

How did you know? He worked at the chemical company, including oilfield. No, he says he never been married and never lived with a woman.

Oh nooo. Is he conventionally attractive?

A lot of scammers use a fake picture of a typically handsome rugged man and then claim they work in oil rigs. They also use technology to allow them to do fake video calls. I don’t quite understand how it works, but they manage to fool a lot of women.

I haven’t came across them personally but they often feature in documentaries about online scammers.

So many red flags here 🚩🚩 I’d tell him you don’t want to invest any more time into someone you’ve not met, so you would prefer to stop the communication for now but if he happens to come to Cyprus in March then he can take you out for a drink. Of course he won’t come to Cyprus but just play along and say that!

Watch how fast he blocks or ghosts you!
Whether he is a full blown scammer planning to get money out of you or just someone who is stringing you along because he’s bored, both types of men rely on creating fake intimacy through calls, texts etc so he won’t like that at all.

I came to the conclusion that he has an avoidant attachment style. Cause when I start talking to him nicely, thoughtfully, with interest he starts getting cold.. and stars saying stupid things, like hinting I’m an option and he’s talking to someone else. But after I blocked him he texts me from other numbers and bagging about forgiveness

Yes possibly avoidant but to be fair that particular behaviour is beyond being just avoidant.

He is actively negging you and attempting to triangulate by hinting at this third person. The abusive tactics are already on display!

Oh and if you need to block a guy - especially more than once - before you’ve even met, it’s clearly toxic and not going to work.

No need to think too hard over this, OP. It’s clear there’s no future with this man.

Yes, and after the blocking, he swore that he didn’t talk to anyone and missed talking to me. He said that his ex showed up, who cheated on him a year ago, but he only talked to her out of pity, because she had a mental breakdown and he doesn’t want her in his life.

Just stop talking to him! You don't trust him and I don't blame you. You don't have to have any contact with him again.