asked partner to move out by today, he chose to go to pub, came back 01:30 been ringing doorbell ever since

[splishsplosh]

I've finally had enough of the way my partner behaves, and treats me. In the week I explained I was no longer willing to have him here, he said he couldn't move out til the weekend. It was obvious he didn't want to, avoiding the subject etc, and previously he has refused to go, telling me I am selfish or spoilt etc for making such a decision, basically undermining my right to decide.

Today he said he was coming out to meet me on the way back from the shops - when I got home I called him, he said he must have missed me, and would come back. An hour later called him, he was obviously in the pub.

I said the only reason I'd let him in was if he came back before dd's bedtime, to say good night to her. If not, told him he could come round by 10pm & I would give him any of his things he needed, alternatively he could tell me what he needed and I would leave it out for him.

Instead he started ringing my phone continuously at 1am - turned them off. About half an hour later he turned up, started ringing doorbell continuously. Went on til 3 (I gnored him) - stopped for half hour, then started again - at 4, went downstairs and told him I'd call the police if he touched the doorbell again. He said go ahead, and where did I expect him to go.

But I feel like I gave him plenty of opportunities to arrange somewhere to go. Instead he thinks he can just wake me in the middle of the night, bully me into letting him have his way, show me no respect, not care if he wakes our dd.

So I've called the police - it's something I wanted to avoid, but I am so furious that he thinks he can behave any way he wants and I have to put up with it, give in to him etc.

That's reasonable isn't it????

I find myself thinking I've made things worse between us. I'm pg too, and think things will just deteriorate further, but I can't keep on letting myself be treated anyway he wants to. Can't sleep, so I came here to vent a bit

Ok, the house is solely in your name so you need to get an injunction to keep him out. Call a solicitor today and find out what your rights are. Don't answer the phone to him.

Ok the above is practical advice but the very best advice I can give you as a divorced woman is to stop trying to get him to see your point of view and stop trying to prove to him you are reasonable. It took me over a year to work that out and caused me untold amounts of heartache. In order for him to move out and leave you he has to see you as a total bitch - it's the only way he can disconnect emotionally from you.

So be cold, be that heartless bitch, be 'irrational' and he will soon fuck off.

hth and chin up.

I agree with Laurie. You don't actually have to be a bitch at all, just be what he would 'call' a bitch, ie 'hardhearted, horrible' etc in terms of not letting him back into your home, your bed, your heart - whatever.
YOU need to start being YOU and stuff him, frankly.

Grrrr I really hate men like this!!!

Would you like me to come round and get rid of him for you? I would be more than happy to

OK I stopped reading posts when I got to hls.

IME locking a bloke out of the house because he's being abusive is not wrong. I did this to ex, he went running to the police, then he came swaggering back and informed me that I would be in trouble if I ever did it again, as house is in joint names. I'd prolly still be with him now, however, he graduated from verbal abuse to physical abuse and then started hitting me in front of our children. I called the police once in utter desperation, that maybe they'd tlak some sense into him....
In the end however he called the police because I retailiated...the police promptly put him on bail..... I then had a month to sort my head out and get to a solicitor quick.

You don't get to the leaving point till you've reached your own limit. I sincerely believe to this day that I would have reconciled with ex had the police officer in charge not had the experience and presence of mind to put ex on bail away from me.

And believe me, I'm not the kind of person who takes lightly to calling the police either, after the first time, when he was on a caution I took so much more as I didn't want him ot be arrested and face criminal charges....but he managed to hang himself on that score.

He's still not a nice person, and he's still tryingo t make life difficult, but I'm well out of it, and with regards our children, he has very limited access as he has caused our girls a great deal of trauma, so I've learnt and been told by various people that giving him unsupervised access without limit is not the best for our children.

I'd change the locks, leave his clothes in bin liners outside your house, or take them round to his mums, along with a very short explanation of the situation.

If he reckons you're a bitch, well tough, better a bitch and living peacefully in your own home then a doormat, and permanently walking on eggshells... that's my experience anyhow.

Bottom line the only wrong thing you did imo was to let him in last night.

splish I think you can get something called an occupation order through the courts if the house is in your name. Free if on legal aid otherwise approx £600. I think they take a few days to come through, not too long. But that will make it pretty cut and dried and I'd guess the police could be on hand if neccesary.

Afaik, the police can remove him and often will, they'll escort him away with his stuff and make sure he doesn't come back to harrass you. They do take this sort of thing very seriously. I thought I'd be laughed at but DV is a recognised thing with a strict protocol these days and imo yor boyfriend is abusing you, it is domestic violence, just not physical.
Ring the local station and ask what they can offer in terms of support. They will have a specialised DV unit.