He says 'no spark', what now?

[friendtodinosaursx]

I'm 29 (F) and my partner is 32 (M).
We've been together 2 years and have lived together for a year of that time. Recently, it's felt like we've been more like friends than anything else and if I'm honest I feel like my love isn't reciprocated. We spoke about the situation a while ago and he said it's because he thinks he's depressed and took up a hobby which seemed to help him but not necessarily our relationship. The topic came up today (I was upset, he showed little emotion). I can honestly say I am putting in the same amount of effort as I always have done and he says he loves me but just feels 'numb' to our relationship. When I said that 'numb' means you feel nothing, he said I was putting words in his mouth.

I don't know what to do. The logical part of me says if it's only been two years and it's already like this then where can we go from here? My heart is saying give it more time. I just want to be wanted and loved back in the same way and I don't know what to do, I feel pathetic and alone and ridiculous.

Just some advice please, I don't mind how harsh x

He's not depressed he just cares way less than you do.

Telling you he feels numb to you? What are you supposed to do with that info?!

I think this is narcissistic behaviour, he's pushing you to see what he can do and what you'll take.

Don't waste years of your life with this man. Bin him, although I wouldn't be surprised if he offers you the earth if you do!

He's now said that he wants to 'try' but in my eyes you shouldn't have to try to feel something for somebody that you apparently love. I think I'm just wasting my time and it's making me feel very hard to love. Can't wrap my head around any of it.

He’s a dick. Leave him. You deserve better. Don’t beg for his scraps. Find someone who’s all in and adores you.

Leave

Who has he met at the hobby?

He's telling you he's checked out of the relationship. Hurtful though it is now, it would be so much worse if you were further down the line and there were DC involved. Can you stay somewhere else for the next couple of days to get some space and clarity about how YOU feel? Because right now it's all about him and that's not fair.

chants in unison

WHATS THE HOBBY

A running club x

I'm staying with a close friend for the next few days to give myself and him some time and space. I feel lost and so upset but he's only contacted me to say good morning, feels like there's only one way for it to go and this just all seems like it's crept up on me.

If it's like this after only two years, it isn't worth saving.

I'm the exact same. We have fun, challenge other, he's my best friend and it gets better everyday.

Don't settle op you will meet better xxx

Oh please split up. You deserve so much more.

I agree with others he wants to split up with you but is doing that cowardly thing of treating you poorly and waiting for you to initiate the break up.

Also it may or may not be relevant but running clubs are popular hobby groups for romances to bloom nowadays. I think there may be someone he is developing an interest in. Even if he’s not necessarily acted on it.

But even if that’s not the case you’re better off without him , it is tough but he’s not even giving you the bare minimum now it seems. Cut your losses and move on, OP.

How are you doing today @friendtodinosaursx?

Sadly I agree with this. I’ve been in this position many times. It’s very confusing, I know.

The guy usually wheels out the depression or mental health talk. It’s usually bullshit. It’s guilt. They will also send mixed signals because they feel bad.

Men often push the woman to end it, because they can’t handle it.

I’m sorry OP.

You deserve way more. End it and move on and find someone better to build a life with.

Knew someone in the the running club? Hedging his bets if it doesn't work out?
If you end it now at least you won't be the fallback option.

It doesn't matter if he's met someone else or not. It's clearly over when a guy starts to say all this shit.

I agree with this.

It seems like you're just going to be flogging a dead horse. He isn't willing to 'try' any harder and isn't emotionally available to you. You deserve someone who passionately wants you and you have similar sex drives, outlooks etc.
Just part ways. Hopefully amicably if possible. But don't waste any more of your time on this 'relationship'.

What's so great about him? You say he's the best thing in the world but have a good think about what he brings to your life.

So after time away, I've discovered that it's apparently based on his ex. They hadn't been together for 4 years when we met but were childhood sweethearts. They bought a house together, shared a dog who is now part of my life and travelled the world together. She cheated on him (I knew all of this when we met) but he seemingly hasn't moved past it and all of our problems are apparently down to that, he doesn't trust me because of it, doesn't want to settle down (?!) because of it etc. Feels like an excuse and I'm tired.

He did bring a lot of happiness, now I'm not sure. It's been a hard week.

You are very young. I know you don't feel it because at the time 30 feels like a big milestone. But it's not really, it's very very young.

Make the clean break now while you have time to meet someone and build the relationship and life you really want. Don't settle for the scraps he's giving you. It won't get better in time

Hope you're doing ok, OP. It sounds like an excuse. But even if it isn't - he's not where he should be for you.

Can you get some support, eg, therapy? It helped me lots during my break up.

What this usually means is that he doesn't love you but prefers to keep the option of an easy shag on tap while he looks for something else.

Time for some self respect. Rip the plaster off, get him out of your life and find someone who does love you.