Hi.
Just needed some advice because this has really startled me a bit. My boyfriend and I (both mid 20s), have been together for about 10 months. He’s in the military so I get to see him usually every couple of weeks or so. A couple of days ago, I went to visit and exchange belated Xmas presents. We were messing around do a ‘leg wrestle’ thing we’d seen online. He won, obviously, and then the games were over on my account, as I stood up to go watch TV as planned. But he grabbed me, wrestled me to the floor (he’s 6’2 and a lot heavier than me, who is 5’4 and weigh about 8.5 stone), and put me in a headlock thing and choked me to the point of strangulation. I was in shock as it happened very fast, and I couldn’t breath at all, and I genuinely thought I was going to pass out but I didn’t have any breath to say anything. He then told me that he would not stop until I ‘tapped out’, but my body had fallen on my arm, and his leg was preventing my other arm from getting free. Eventually I did, and he let go, and got up and said to go watch tv, I couldn’t get up for about a minute. I was in shock and feeling faint. He didn’t think twice about it. I felt on edge ever since.
he’s a lovely boyfriend, but he is very rough with me. He uses his weight against me all the time. I told him before he strangled me that he needs to stop being so rough because it hurts, and he doesn’t listen. I don’t know whether he genuinely doesn’t know his own strength or is just ignoring me. Either way, I’m concerned that he thinks it’s okay to strangle his girlfriend even if he thinks it’s messing around. He wondered why I kept flinching every time he came near me after that, and I just said I was tired.
some advice would be good. He does use his weight a lot, and ignores my concerns when I ask him to stop. He then gave me a diamond necklace for Christmas, and I felt as though I couldn’t raise the chokehold because he’d just given me it, which I know isn’t relevant but I was a bit scared to bring it up seeing as he’d ignored me multiple times before.
are these red flags? As someone who works in the law, I know what he did was wrong. But it’s his intention or lack of consideration for my airways that’s baffling me. Just want to know if I should run now given all these signs.
thanks