BF strangled me in ‘playfight’, should I be worried?

[ForRedOtter]

Hi.
Just needed some advice because this has really startled me a bit. My boyfriend and I (both mid 20s), have been together for about 10 months. He’s in the military so I get to see him usually every couple of weeks or so. A couple of days ago, I went to visit and exchange belated Xmas presents. We were messing around do a ‘leg wrestle’ thing we’d seen online. He won, obviously, and then the games were over on my account, as I stood up to go watch TV as planned. But he grabbed me, wrestled me to the floor (he’s 6’2 and a lot heavier than me, who is 5’4 and weigh about 8.5 stone), and put me in a headlock thing and choked me to the point of strangulation. I was in shock as it happened very fast, and I couldn’t breath at all, and I genuinely thought I was going to pass out but I didn’t have any breath to say anything. He then told me that he would not stop until I ‘tapped out’, but my body had fallen on my arm, and his leg was preventing my other arm from getting free. Eventually I did, and he let go, and got up and said to go watch tv, I couldn’t get up for about a minute. I was in shock and feeling faint. He didn’t think twice about it. I felt on edge ever since.
he’s a lovely boyfriend, but he is very rough with me. He uses his weight against me all the time. I told him before he strangled me that he needs to stop being so rough because it hurts, and he doesn’t listen. I don’t know whether he genuinely doesn’t know his own strength or is just ignoring me. Either way, I’m concerned that he thinks it’s okay to strangle his girlfriend even if he thinks it’s messing around. He wondered why I kept flinching every time he came near me after that, and I just said I was tired.
some advice would be good. He does use his weight a lot, and ignores my concerns when I ask him to stop. He then gave me a diamond necklace for Christmas, and I felt as though I couldn’t raise the chokehold because he’d just given me it, which I know isn’t relevant but I was a bit scared to bring it up seeing as he’d ignored me multiple times before.
are these red flags? As someone who works in the law, I know what he did was wrong. But it’s his intention or lack of consideration for my airways that’s baffling me. Just want to know if I should run now given all these signs.
thanks

Either he knows what he's doing, which makes him dangerous. Or he doesn't, which is potentially even more so. Run like fuck from this man, please.

Run tf away. He’s dangerous.
You’re scared of him, therefore, there’s no reason to stay

End it and report this to the police.

Shit like this is how domestic violence starts.I'm betting he's been violent with previous partners.

He could potentially kill a future partner.

This wasn’t ‘play fighting’. This was a violent attack and it’s not ok. When I first read the title, I wondered if it could be an accidental going too far in play fight. However, this quite obviously wasn’t a mistake- the fight was OVER, you weren’t expecting him to jump on you. Furthermore, he didn’t just grab you in a jokey way- he put you in a genuinely painful and terrifying chokehold. That isn’t funny. That isn’t sweet or romantic. That isn’t a mistake. It was carefully calculated, in my opinion, to show you that he is much stronger than you and ‘can do what he likes’ bc of his power. It’s intended to freak you out and throw you off balance. It’s intended to make you feel small and weak.

Get out of there asap.

He makes you feel unsafe, that is all the reason you need to end the relationship.

Leave him NOW.

Then report him to the police asap.

You were very lucky this time but next time, we could be reading about your murder in the papers.

Don't be a statistic.

Give him back the diamond necklace as your life is worth a hell of a lot more than that and drop this lunatic like a lead balloon, whilst you still have breath in you.

RUN.

I really hope this is a troll post.

If you are real OP please never see this vile excuse for a man again.
And never playfight. Leave that to toddlers

I didn't need to read past the first paragraph.

Thankfully you haven't even made a life with this man yet so you can finish it right now and never look back.

So many red flags its a scary parade! Leave.

To be honest op that reads like he has issues with power, control and dominance. That's not normal behaviour and I also would end the relationship after that. There should never EVER come a point where you are flinching around your partner because they've been rough with you. The fact you've expressed this repeatedly and he's refused to listen is very telling. Once is not knowing your own strength- but he does know his own strength because you've repeated told him. He's CHOOSING to use it against you in some form of power play.

It doesn't matter what lovely qualities he has if he's abusing his strength against you and making you feel intimidated by him.

Walk away now in what feels like the safest way to you before he really hurts you. You can also report him to police which I would recommend to protect yourself and other women who come across him.

Jesus christ, get the fuck away from him OP. He could've killed you

Thank you to everyone who responded so quickly. I’ve never posted on here before so apologies if it was unpleasant to read.
I think I knew what the consensus would be in terms of responses, because I would say the same to anyone telling me this. I have told my friend and sister and they have both said similar things to the responses here.
I don’t live with him, and neither did I realise there are medical complications that could come with non fatal strangling. I have an unrelated doctors appointment this week and I will mention it there.
I will end the relationship (remotely), I think I knew I had to before posting but needed the push, as it’s easy to justify bad behaviour when your emotions are tied up there.
thank you all for taking time to respond and being big sisters to me xx

Report to police.
Get a medical check
End the relationship now, when you are in a safe place.

He is not ‘lovely,’ and his diamond necklace gift is a red herring.

I’m glad you’re planning to end things.

This was not a play fight and it was not ok.

As a comparison, my DH is a trained professional fighter and we often mess around and play fight. He probably uses about 5% of his strength and skill on me and a) would never want to scare or hurt me and b) would feel awful if that ever happened. I've seen him fight, I know he could snap a neck in seconds but I have never once felt worried or nervous or scared. If he ever did what you describe I would be gone

You are being abused. The very first time a man hurts you intentionally is the day you leave his behind. I am shocked that you are still there! He has gotten you so used to being hurt that you feel you must ask strangers if it is okay for you to be choked out and hurt just to stay in a relationship!!

He is NOT a "lovely boyfriend" he is an abusive asshole. Give him back any gifts he has given you of value (except food of course since you ate it) so he can't use them as an excuse to contact you, and end things. Anything you have at his house just sacrifice it. Do not meet him "to talk about things" either. Women who do that are often on the news found in a shallow grave. Do not go to his house, do not allow him in yours. If he has a key to your place, change the locks or door code.

I honestly think you should log this with the police as well as talking to your doctor.

He's very dangerous and very likely to kill a woman one day.

Leave and never look back and tell him to shove his diamond necklace up his arse. Do not split up with him in person.
Your life is in danger.
Text him and block him and make sure he can't turn up and cause you hassle.
Women die every day because of abusive partners. Take it seriously x

thank goodness OP
do please report to the police if you feel able so there is a record
and think about your own safety going forward, men like this don't like being told 'no'. you may still be in danger
a local or national domestic abuse service will be able to advise you

That must of been so painful and terrifying, your body was flinching afterwards when he came near you. I would end it remotely like you said and block him on everything, change your mobile number too. That guy is fucked up

This post made my eyes well up. Please get in touch with women’s aid for help to leave safely.

If you feel yourself wavering, read up on the stats around what happens once someone has tried to strangle their partner.

Good luck to you x

You should go to the police.
Leave immediately, you are not safe!

He needs to come with a warning.

The diamond necklace is love bombing, a common strategy in abusive relationships.

The strangulation is a high lethality behaviour. Even if given the benefit of the doubt (that he doesn’t know his own strength), this behaviour shows high levels of recklessness, and could have resulted in death by misadventure. (This explanation is being very generous towards him, as PP have said, it is more likely that he is fully aware of his strength and how to use it).

The ending of relationships such as this can be an extremely high risk event and violence may escalate. I suggest seeking support in how to exit the relationship safely.

Im really scared for you