Have I fucked up?

[ForAquaDuck]

Ladies I really need your help and advice. I'll admit I'm a man, but I need a woman's word here so thank you for understanding. I don't think posting on dad's net will give me what I'm looking for.

Long story short:

Was recommended to date someone. We both seen each others social media profiles and pics and fancied each other. We agreed to move things forward and get to know each other.

But admittedly I was bit nosey to find out their career salary etc. Took to an online forum to find out and someone in the comments sent it to their account on social media. Correct me if I'm wrong I just wanted to know if we'd be a match in terms of finances but some ppl thought I was being a stalker.

There was some other embarrassing and personal stuff on my posts which now they've probably already seen. Since then there's been no contact which I guess means they've seen it.

Is there any coming back?

No. Looking someone up on SM is fair enough these days but asking about salary? On a public forum? WTF? You crossed the line buddy so it's a non starter.

What online forum? This sounds like totally weird behaviour and there's no way I would date someone who did that. Why would you think that was appropriate?

I can't see a way back from that tbh. I would be irreversibly put off/creeped out/pissed off if someone I barely knew and was in the very early stages of getting to know started making enquiries about my salary like that. I think you're going to have to draw a line under this one and move on, sorry.

Why would you even post about it? A Glassdoor search would have given you a close enough figure.

No coming back from that at all. Cringe.

I would probably have wanted to know the same (although you can find out usually by just googling "professional title in x area salary" and it'll give you an idea) but I would have accepted defeat if they'd found out. It does come across a bit strange. I suppose you could always try to gentle explain? Ie letting her know you just wanted to know if you were financially compatible but you'd have to accept that she may still find this gross. Money is a very touchy subject, rightly so.

It’s a wrap! Totally acceptable to google ect but I would defo be weirded out about the public forum thing.

She’s dodging a major bullet.

Major creeper behaviour

You lost me at "ladies".

You can roughly tell someone's financial status by their job type as well as housing/car/holidays and ability to buy drinks/meals out.

No need to get exact salary! You sound the stingy type where everything is split down to the last penny!

It was a bit deep, given you’d only just connected. I’d have seen that as a bit stalkerish too! I think a lot may have hung on your ‘embarrassing stuff’ on your SM. What was it? I’m guessing you can’t say.

Personally I’d send her an apology, not one excusing what you did, but one calling yourself a total loser/idiot. Explain that you really are looking for the right person, which is why you were looking at similar salaries, because you don’t want to be a time waster but you took it too far. Finish by saying you’d really love to meet up for coffee, but completely understand she might not want to. Don’t send an essay, short, polite and to the point. Good luck!!

Why? Would you prefer “guys, gals, dudes?’

What exactly did you ask in the forum? Was it along the lines of "how much does a pharmacist make?" or "Here's a LinkedIn profile of someone I am interested in. Please guess how much they earn."?

I assume it's the latter if someone contacted her, and I don't see how you can come back from that to be honest.

What's wrong with ladies?

No it was the job title. But apparently there's only one person that pops up online with that role. So that doesn't help my cause

Does she know it was you who asked on the forum?

I assume

You won't be hearing from her again, and nor do I blame her.

In your heart and soul you are Gollum.

Yes, I think this relationship is dead before it even started.

There was some other embarrassing and personal stuff on my posts which now they've probably already seen.

Oops.

So you posted enough details about her to make her publicly identifiable on an anonymous forum?? You have fucked up massively. There is no way on earth she will ever trust you going forwards. Can you get the post pulled down at least?

I take it she earns well then? Seeings you are still trying to pursue her 😂😂😂

Yes - big time