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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating again and feeling worthless

64 replies

CookieThatCrumbles · 04/01/2025 20:55

How do you get over the feelings of being undesirable when it comes to dating as a single parent? I would like to date again but I feel like what is holding me back is the feeling that I am undesirable as a single mum and that no men would want to date me now. Not saying this is the case for other single mums or other single mums should feel this way! but it doesn't help that I keep seeing memes making fun of single mums. Also my ex said no one would want me now i'm a single mum which seems to be true as I have been alone for years now. My family also said the same, they said 1/2 kids is fine but when I was pregnant with my 3rd child and me and ex had split up they basically both told me no man would want me now and they would only want me for sex and nothing more. So i've stayed single a long time but now would like to date and meet someone but can't help but feel like no one would want me now. How do I move past this? and feel worthy of love again? I was speaking to a single dad who said he couldn't relate at all, he said he was a single dad to 4 and it hasn't put any women off but I feel it's different for men as single dads are usually seen as hero's unlike single mums who are seen as the completely opposite.

OP posts:
Horribledatez · 05/01/2025 13:39

I’ve seen the memes and they are disgusting

Ignore

Plenty of single dads on online dating

StrawberryDream24 · 05/01/2025 13:39

Also my ex said no one would want me now i'm a single mum

"No-one will want you" is the classic abuser line. It's older than the pyramids.

You beng single is proof of nothing ..... It sounds like you haven't been energetically seeking a relationship (?)

And you have probably been very busy and occupied raising young kids and trying to do a good job of it.

Your ex didn't have that "problem" - because I met he's done the minimum.

category12 · 05/01/2025 13:41

Your FB algorithm is feeding you shite. You can have a go at resetting it by clearing your search history etc. Have a google of how to do it.

Then at least you've only got your family as doom-sayers.

StrawberryDream24 · 05/01/2025 13:43

Also my ex said no one would want me ...

One of my exes (I finished it) told me noone would be enough for me, I wouldn't settle with anyone ..... I've been with someone for decades.

Another told me I was a "36 yr old spinster" when we were finishing .... I was a divorcee so I couldn't technically have been a spinster but in any case, I've been married for years.

Weak, bitter, angry men always love to try to trash talk women when a relationship ends. They're talking shite and know nothing.

I always think about Ike Turner - he told Tina she's be nothing without him .,..... His career went nowhere after they split and hers sky rocketed.
When my mother said "Ike Turner" (I'm an 80s kid) ...I said "Who??".
(Then I saw the movie about her life and realised who (and what) he was).

Silly, nasty little men talking shite .... There's no shortage of them. They are an authority on nothing.

StrawberryDream24 · 05/01/2025 13:51

I'd also ignore all the incel, red pill and MRA men's stuff on the internet.

They are sad, bitter, pathetic, angry and can't get anything they want. They hate women and spend their days attacking and being derogatory to them.

If you weren't a single mother, they'd be attacking you for being "dried up" and "unnatural" and "selfish" for not having any kids. They'd be attacking you for having a career. They'd be attacking you for being selfish and "unfeminine".

Nothing women are or do pleases those shits. Nothing.

Maybe if their lives were good, they wouldn't be so angry & nasty.

changecandles · 05/01/2025 14:13

@CookieThatCrumbles

my ex wasn't abusive just said some nasty things when we broke up. apparently i would just be a "slutty single mum that no one wants" and threw it in my face that we slept together the first night we met hence why i'm a "slut" apparently despite the fact i haven't date or slept with anyone else since we split up years ago
I struggle to see how any man who wasn't abusive would say such vile things. Pretty sure any man capable of saying such incredibly toxic things would be abusive in other ways.

changecandles · 05/01/2025 14:15

CookieThatCrumbles · 04/01/2025 23:50

my mum and sister said it and yes they both have experience of dating as single parents

Yes but they are likely to be similar in their manner and outlook therefore they are attracting a certain type of man.

I think it says more about them tbh. Crap people attract crap people.

BabCNesbitt · 05/01/2025 14:24

CookieThatCrumbles · 04/01/2025 22:14

thank you, my ex wasn't abusive just said some nasty things when we broke up. apparently i would just be a "slutty single mum that no one wants" and threw it in my face that we slept together the first night we met hence why i'm a "slut" apparently despite the fact i haven't date or slept with anyone else since we split up years ago

So you were a slut for having slept with him on the first date, but he’s just dandy? You do see the sexist double standard here, yes? Your ex is a twat.

Horribledatez · 05/01/2025 14:27

Don’t give up OP

StrawberryDream24 · 05/01/2025 15:26

threw it in my face that we slept together the first night we met hence why i'm a "slut"

There are quite a lot of people who had sex on the first date who went on to be married or have long-term relationships for decades.

My sister had sex with her husband on the first proper date and was married to him for over 20 years (until she left him).

It's a really dumb thing to say.

Also, if he thought you were a slut for having sex on the first date - why did he get into a relationship with you and bring kids into the world with you????

Wouldn't he have to be mad/stupid to do that with someone he thought was a slut?

And he's also calling himself someone who takes advantage of a "slut" since he happily had sex with you on the first date.

He's not making much sense.

I'll tell you what I think it is ....he's one of those guys who are happy to move on to other women, but don't want "their" woman (even if it's an ex). and the mother of their kids moving on herself and getting with other guys; so he was trying to make you not have sex/not date/be scared/be down on yourself.

He was also just being a nasty bastard .... For reasons best known to himself. He wanted to hurt you and put you down and try to make you feel bad about yourself. Because that's his personality.

No decent man - even when finishing with a woman - says things like that. I've ended relationships with decent men (and vice versa) and that don't behave like that. They walk away with a bit of dignity and respect and discretion (for themselves as well as the ex).

And that wasn't with kids involved. The fact he's act like that when you're the Mum of his kids .....

He's a utter dickhead. A nasty one.

CookieThatCrumbles · 05/01/2025 15:38

It's really hard to get it out of my head. My ex broke up with me so don't think he was stopping me moving on. I have been single since we split up when I was pregnant with the youngest who is now almost 8 and I haven't slept with a single person in that time so he was obviously wrong. I guess it's been difficult as he said no one would want me and in that time it's been true I haven't met anyone, no one has shown any interest at all. I haven't actively dated as joined dating apps but I didn't before either. I met men all over the place (never used online dating) men would always approach me (not to sound big headed) I am early 30s but no interest at all from anyone. My sister, the rules don't apply to her apparently as she only has one child so it's not the same thing (her words)

OP posts:
ForZanyAquaViewer · 05/01/2025 16:01

CookieThatCrumbles · 05/01/2025 15:38

It's really hard to get it out of my head. My ex broke up with me so don't think he was stopping me moving on. I have been single since we split up when I was pregnant with the youngest who is now almost 8 and I haven't slept with a single person in that time so he was obviously wrong. I guess it's been difficult as he said no one would want me and in that time it's been true I haven't met anyone, no one has shown any interest at all. I haven't actively dated as joined dating apps but I didn't before either. I met men all over the place (never used online dating) men would always approach me (not to sound big headed) I am early 30s but no interest at all from anyone. My sister, the rules don't apply to her apparently as she only has one child so it's not the same thing (her words)

Dating has changed massively over the last decade. If you’re not on apps or actively trying to date, then you’re probably going to stay single. If you’d like a relationship, I’m afraid you’re going to have to make a bit of an effort.

The assertions about single mothers being undesirable to everyone are clearly nonsense. People have explained how and why they’re nonsense on this thread, but it’s all conclusions you could have arrived at by yourself, tbh. The issue is that you’re unable to engage with all of this rationally and your self worth is at rock
bottom. Is counselling something available to you /you’d consider?

Tonycx · 12/01/2025 04:35

Work on yourself find out your true needs and boundaries and you’ll find what’s for you. Fuck what anyone says it’s your journey

Tonycx · 12/01/2025 04:36

Ps dating is a fucking nightmare agreed! I feel your pain believe me

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