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Original poster

Do I reach out to him or not? Feeling a bit concerned

43 replies

Elly402x · 04/01/2025 15:41

It's a bloke I've been seeing for a few months.

We had a minor disagreement over the phone on new years eve, nothing huge in the grand scheme of things but he had been a bit of a dick in my opinion. We spoke less in the following days as admittedly i was annoyed (he was still reaching out though)

As of yesterday morning it was resolved and we were chatting as normal about the coming week, no remaining bad feeling on either part if our conversion was anything to go by.. and I hadn't done anything wrong to begin with.

He left my last message on read at 10.30 yesterday morning which is fine but he has been completely silent everywhere ever since which is very, very unusual for him.

Nothing at all on social media (again, strange for him as he runs a business and uses social media accounts for that aswell as being a frequent poster on his own)

He usually watches my stories within minutes as he has my notifications turned on. Nothing.

I'm torn between thinking something has happened to him to then thinking he's doing some silent treatment thing to 'get back at me' for being annoyed with him the other day.

There has been a few things that make me think he might be the type to do that.

If he's just being a knob to teach me a lesson I don't want to give him the satisfaction of reaching out, but he never dissappears like this, and it would be odd to do it now after we'd made up surely?

What would you do?

OP posts:
LaurenMaybelle · 04/01/2025 15:44

No harm in reaching out I say.

ohyesido · 04/01/2025 15:44

Reach out. The social media thing is a bit alarming if he is usually very active.

Derogations · 04/01/2025 15:46

I wouldn’t. If this is how he wants it, let him have it like this.

DoctorMartin · 04/01/2025 15:51

I think I'd have to check if he was ok.

Original poster
Elly402x · 04/01/2025 15:53

Leaving him to it has been my position since I noticed, it's just as time has gone on a little niggle has crept in about whether he's had an accident or something. He's a single parent.

If I do message him and it was all deliberate then I've given him what he wants, and I don't want him to have that power over me. As I touched on in my OP there have been a few little red flags here and there.

I might call him on a withheld number and just see if he answers. If I can ascertain he's OK and nothing has happened to him I'll be able to put it out of mind and leave him to it.

OP posts:
Calmhappyandhealthy · 04/01/2025 15:53

Definitely reach out to see if he's OK

If he is, coupled with your current concerns, dump

gamerchick · 04/01/2025 15:54

If I do message him and it was all deliberate then I've given him what he wants, and I don't want him to have that power over me. As I touched on in my OP there have been a few little red flags here and there

But then you'll know for sure and not waste any more time on him. It'll backfire on him then won't it?

Original poster
Elly402x · 04/01/2025 15:58

False alarm, he's alive and well as he has just viewed my stories.

I was just about to call so I'm glad I didn't.

I think my gut instinct was right and he was trying to play mind games.

In the bin he goes.

OP posts:
TipsyJoker · 04/01/2025 16:22

Elly402x · 04/01/2025 15:53

Leaving him to it has been my position since I noticed, it's just as time has gone on a little niggle has crept in about whether he's had an accident or something. He's a single parent.

If I do message him and it was all deliberate then I've given him what he wants, and I don't want him to have that power over me. As I touched on in my OP there have been a few little red flags here and there.

I might call him on a withheld number and just see if he answers. If I can ascertain he's OK and nothing has happened to him I'll be able to put it out of mind and leave him to it.

Don’t do this. If you’re going to call him just call him. Calling from a withheld number is obvious and makes you look mental.

What are the red flags? If he is giving you the silent treatment that’s also a red flag and you should think about ending the relationship. You don’t need that kind of behaviour in your life. It’s abusive. Perhaps if you give us more info on the reason you felt he was being a dick and what the previous red flags were it would be helpful in giving further advice.

Original poster
Elly402x · 04/01/2025 16:27

TipsyJoker · 04/01/2025 16:22

Don’t do this. If you’re going to call him just call him. Calling from a withheld number is obvious and makes you look mental.

What are the red flags? If he is giving you the silent treatment that’s also a red flag and you should think about ending the relationship. You don’t need that kind of behaviour in your life. It’s abusive. Perhaps if you give us more info on the reason you felt he was being a dick and what the previous red flags were it would be helpful in giving further advice.

Show quote history

I didn't call but you make a valid point about withholding my number.

The red flags:

A prior episode of silent treatment when I made a silly joke he didn't like.

He threatened to block me for asking a genuine question (hugely over reacted and the question was in context and in no way offensive)

'Tested' me by pretending he was having second thoughts about the relationship, then panicked and backtracked when I didn't give him the reaction he was fishing for.

Definitely has a tendency to be moody.

It's all very crap isn't it? I had more or less decided to end it and this has been the straw that broke the camels back I think.

OP posts:
Namechange2272 · 04/01/2025 16:28

Elly402x · 04/01/2025 15:58

False alarm, he's alive and well as he has just viewed my stories.

I was just about to call so I'm glad I didn't.

I think my gut instinct was right and he was trying to play mind games.

In the bin he goes.

So he's left you on read since yesterday morning?

Original poster
Elly402x · 04/01/2025 16:34

Namechange2272 · 04/01/2025 16:28

So he's left you on read since yesterday morning?

Show quote history

Yeah, revenge for me doing the same to him the other day I suspect (although I was completely within my right at the time as he'd been an arsehole)

Very odd to wait until we'd made peace to do it. Strange man.

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 04/01/2025 16:37

If he did it when you weren't talking, how would you know he was giving you the silent treatment? He's doing it now you've made up to really make his point. He probably feels like you "won" your argument and can't have that so wants to make you come grovelling.

Original poster
Elly402x · 04/01/2025 16:39

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 04/01/2025 16:37

If he did it when you weren't talking, how would you know he was giving you the silent treatment? He's doing it now you've made up to really make his point. He probably feels like you "won" your argument and can't have that so wants to make you come grovelling.

Very good point.

I probably wouldn't have reached out to him if he hadn't reached out to me first to apologise, so he needed to 'make up' to be able to get his revenge 😂

He sounds ridiculous when I write all of this down.

Well, I hope he is seething about the fact I haven't bothered to get in touch.

OP posts:
Dery · 04/01/2025 16:42

@@Elly402x — you’ve only been seeing him a few months and there’s already been lots of unpleasantness. He’s wrong for you. You’re right to end it.

GigglingLips · 04/01/2025 16:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Elly402x · 04/01/2025 16:44

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I think Fuckoffee above has the measure of him, the making up was probably only about laying the groundwork to put him in a position where he can "one up" me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elly402x · 04/01/2025 16:45

Dery · 04/01/2025 16:42

@@Elly402x — you’ve only been seeing him a few months and there’s already been lots of unpleasantness. He’s wrong for you. You’re right to end it.

I agree. There's too much negativity, and the early days are the best it'll ever get. I can imagine what he'd be like after years. Hell.

OP posts:
Argumentsake · 04/01/2025 16:48

What a ridiculous man. You don’t need these immature mind games in your life. Thank god you didn’t reach out as that would have been exactly what he wanted. I would literally never respond to him again.

Out of interest what was the argument about?

Original poster
Elly402x · 04/01/2025 16:52

Argumentsake · 04/01/2025 16:48

What a ridiculous man. You don’t need these immature mind games in your life. Thank god you didn’t reach out as that would have been exactly what he wanted. I would literally never respond to him again.

Out of interest what was the argument about?

My thoughts exactly. I'm very relieved.

So the disagreement was about the fact I couldn't make it over to him to watch the fireworks together, even though I let him know the day before it was unlikely. He went in a big strop, like my 7 year old DS would.

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 04/01/2025 17:58

He's going to come crawling back.

Original poster
Elly402x · 04/01/2025 18:45

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 04/01/2025 17:58

He's going to come crawling back.

Without a shadow of a doubt. I give it another 24hrs, his previous one lasted 27. He has probably sat and planned it down to a tee, the sad sack.

OP posts:
OurDreamLife · 04/01/2025 18:50

This is the 3rd of 4th thread I’ve read about men going quiet after new year.

I honestly wouldn’t bother with any of them.

Argumentsake · 04/01/2025 18:51

So how are you going to play it, OP?

Original poster
Elly402x · 04/01/2025 18:52

OurDreamLife · 04/01/2025 18:50

This is the 3rd of 4th thread I’ve read about men going quiet after new year.

I honestly wouldn’t bother with any of them.

Interesting, I wonder what it's all about in the other cases.

OP posts:
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