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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I reach out to him or not? Feeling a bit concerned

43 replies

Elly402x · 04/01/2025 15:41

It's a bloke I've been seeing for a few months.

We had a minor disagreement over the phone on new years eve, nothing huge in the grand scheme of things but he had been a bit of a dick in my opinion. We spoke less in the following days as admittedly i was annoyed (he was still reaching out though)

As of yesterday morning it was resolved and we were chatting as normal about the coming week, no remaining bad feeling on either part if our conversion was anything to go by.. and I hadn't done anything wrong to begin with.

He left my last message on read at 10.30 yesterday morning which is fine but he has been completely silent everywhere ever since which is very, very unusual for him.

Nothing at all on social media (again, strange for him as he runs a business and uses social media accounts for that aswell as being a frequent poster on his own)

He usually watches my stories within minutes as he has my notifications turned on. Nothing.

I'm torn between thinking something has happened to him to then thinking he's doing some silent treatment thing to 'get back at me' for being annoyed with him the other day.

There has been a few things that make me think he might be the type to do that.

If he's just being a knob to teach me a lesson I don't want to give him the satisfaction of reaching out, but he never dissappears like this, and it would be odd to do it now after we'd made up surely?

What would you do?

OP posts:
Elly402x · 04/01/2025 18:53

Argumentsake · 04/01/2025 18:51

So how are you going to play it, OP?

I'm not going to bother speaking to him at all.

When he comes back, which I think is inevitable knowing him, I'm just going to ignore him.

OP posts:
Argumentsake · 04/01/2025 19:08

Elly402x · 04/01/2025 18:53

I'm not going to bother speaking to him at all.

When he comes back, which I think is inevitable knowing him, I'm just going to ignore him.

Well played. He will hate that! 😂
Be prepared for some nasty messages back though as have a feeling his ego won’t be able to take the rejection.

OneHardyMintZebra · 04/01/2025 19:11

This sounds exactly like the guy I’m seeing atm! Random thought that it’s the same guy as he mentioned that he possibly going to watch the fireworks with a friend so couldn’t see me. Ghosted me, and then has just started talking to me again today. Can you say what general area your guy lives? Just incase- you never know 😂
What is wrong with all these men! Mine will be going in the bin as well

Elly402x · 04/01/2025 19:14

OneHardyMintZebra · 04/01/2025 19:11

This sounds exactly like the guy I’m seeing atm! Random thought that it’s the same guy as he mentioned that he possibly going to watch the fireworks with a friend so couldn’t see me. Ghosted me, and then has just started talking to me again today. Can you say what general area your guy lives? Just incase- you never know 😂
What is wrong with all these men! Mine will be going in the bin as well

South-ish London and his name begins with an A, oh god tell me its not the same person 😂

His type only ever go quiet if they have somebody else to talk to IMO!

Commiserations for coming across another of his ilk!

OP posts:
OneHardyMintZebra · 04/01/2025 19:22

Elly402x · 04/01/2025 19:14

South-ish London and his name begins with an A, oh god tell me its not the same person 😂

His type only ever go quiet if they have somebody else to talk to IMO!

Commiserations for coming across another of his ilk!

He used to live in London and goes back there regularly. Sometimes name starts with an ‘A’, other times ‘B’.
Surname start with an ‘L’?
Imagine if it was the same man 🤦🏻‍♀️

But I agree, I think the silent times is because he’s ‘occupied’ with someone else. And then it somehow becomes my fault! Man child.

Elly402x · 04/01/2025 19:34

OneHardyMintZebra · 04/01/2025 19:22

He used to live in London and goes back there regularly. Sometimes name starts with an ‘A’, other times ‘B’.
Surname start with an ‘L’?
Imagine if it was the same man 🤦🏻‍♀️

But I agree, I think the silent times is because he’s ‘occupied’ with someone else. And then it somehow becomes my fault! Man child.

Ah it's not the same bloke, there's probably a blue print for these fuckers 😂

My advice is to make 'chinning him off' your new years resolution, 2026 you will thank you for it.

I'm going to avoid mine (and others like him) like the plague now!

OP posts:
smallsilvercloud · 04/01/2025 19:44

I swear it's the same man in multiple bodies, so many similar fuckers out there

Namechange2272 · 04/01/2025 19:51

Good for you OP. New Year and new start without this immature fucker!

TipsyJoker · 04/01/2025 21:00

Elly402x · 04/01/2025 16:27

I didn't call but you make a valid point about withholding my number.

The red flags:

A prior episode of silent treatment when I made a silly joke he didn't like.

He threatened to block me for asking a genuine question (hugely over reacted and the question was in context and in no way offensive)

'Tested' me by pretending he was having second thoughts about the relationship, then panicked and backtracked when I didn't give him the reaction he was fishing for.

Definitely has a tendency to be moody.

It's all very crap isn't it? I had more or less decided to end it and this has been the straw that broke the camels back I think.

Yeah sounds like a headworker. Glad you saw through him and ended it before he trapped you in an abusive relationship. Well done OP 👍💪

Elly402x · 04/01/2025 23:01

Here he is, he has just text saying hello and asking if I'm OK. I bet he has been dying to send that all day.

It's nice to have the ball back in my court, now begins the indefinite silence. Adios dusty!

OP posts:
Elly402x · 04/01/2025 23:07

He quickly followed up with another message asking how my day has been.

I feel mildly smug that in trying to wind me up he has driven himself up the wall 🙂

OP posts:
Argumentsake · 04/01/2025 23:19

Hahaha. This reminds me of that other thread from a few years back where the OP just didn’t ever reply to her boyfriend who dumped her by text and said no need to reply. So she didn’t. Ever!

fernintothewild · 04/01/2025 23:41

I would avoid this behaviour only a couple of months in which will only get worse

H112 · 05/01/2025 02:18

Make a list of what type of fella you want and stick to it. Sounds like you weren't surprised he did this. In the bin indeed!

OurDreamLife · 05/01/2025 12:25

Hahaha. I hope you haven’t replied.

Elly402x · 05/01/2025 15:32

Nope, no reply from me 😊

OP posts:
Namechange2272 · 05/01/2025 15:33

Elly402x · 05/01/2025 15:32

Nope, no reply from me 😊

Love this

AuContraire · 05/01/2025 15:37

I think you should reply to say its over. I think going silent is poor form and immature.

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