I ended things…

[blairwaldorfoxoxo]

Looking for advice how to navigate this.

Both 27. Met on dating app.

Had had amazing first date and every other dates after that was just as amazing. He’s an amazing guy, sweet and thoughtful. Funny and I just adore him. Saw each other for 6 weeks.

However… a few factors that made me doubt this…

I’m from a wealthy background. Parents still together, high achieving family, friends around us are also wealthy with prestigious careers. I’m am also a young professional and so are my siblings; whereas he’s from a very low income family. He grow up in foster care, tough childhood, biological parents were involved in drugs/ violence and ended up in foster family. He was abused slightly when he was 8 or 10 he can’t remember. He had a toxic relationship with a previous girl and they have a 6 year old kid few years ago. He takes the kid at weekends. He’s been single for 2 years now, dated here and there but was cheated on. He has been through tough mental health stages in life and yet is still so sweet and kind and so hopeful in life.

We are just so different, whereas me I’m always on the go, chasing the next big dream- career, latest designer item, fancy dinners, and upholding an image.

If you told me we’d have a good time on a blind date I’d probably laugh at you and told you absolutely no. But yet, I’ve had the best time in the last 6 weeks. I deeply admire all his traits to get to where he is now and he’s a man of honour.

I’ve slowly began falling for him. We have been intimate with each other and ‘accidentally’ said I love you during it when it got emotional. We both acknowledged it’s too soon and is probably lust/ honeymoon phase and agreed to work towards bf/gf title. He made it clear he wasn’t seeing anyone and didn’t wanna see anyone because he only has eyes on me. He said he is planning on asking me to be his GF at the end of the 3 months (if things were going ok.)

I met his son 5 weeks in (son never met any previous gf apart from obviously the baby mama) and we spent an amazing day out. Went to see Christmas Jazz concert, had lunch and dessert and went home played video games, had hot chocolate, and played board games. He said he felt warm and at home seeing me with his son. He said the baby mama doesn’t really nurture him properly. He said the baby mama also physically attacked him through toxic arguments and verbally nasty…etc. He admitted to me he doesn’t know how to be a parent because his biological parents didnt love him and this toxic partner before.

Anyway. Because of the fact that he has a kid, I feel this is a lot for me to handle. I always have a picture in my mind growing up what family I have. Get married at 32, have a kid at 34, be financially stable, nurture our kids, educated our kids, teach them how to cook and care for themselves..etc. whereas he doesn’t seem to know how to do this as a single dad with only weekends visitations. I don’t know if I would settle with someone who has a kid with someone else. I find that extremely difficult to handle. Also, already had a conversation with my dad very very briefly, he would never accept him to the family, he will not approve. Which makes me so sad about life and people in general.

he is a kind soul and yet the world is so unfair on him.

anyway, I ended things because:

1. I don’t wanna string him along
2. I don’t want to put him through family drama later on and then having to break up
3. Im doubting if this can be long term, and I can’t give him fully what he needs without doubting myself.
4. he said he’s ok to do short term for now but all signs points to me he wants long term. I said no, it’s unfair on him.
5. obviously I want to kiss him and be in his arms when I miss him but it’s unfair on him if I continue this and not give him what he needs which is a long term partner.

I offered him a friendship and I will always be there for him no matter what. He said he needed time to think and wants to be friends but also wants to be intimate with me.

he blocked me on one social but keep Snapchat and other socials open. He saved my last message about friendship after our breakup call.

I wanna reach out to see if he’s ok. He spend NYE and NY D alone. Ngtl I’m heart broken too and I’m hurting too…

Please don’t be nasty or too harsh on me, I’m already having a tough time dealing with this.

You’re too different, best you ended it sooner rather than later. You’ve only known him 6 weeks shouldn’t be difficult to never see him again. You obviously move in different circles.

I know OP said they're 'existing' this thread...probably because they don't like the answers they're getting.

If you're reading OP, sorry but you DO sound like a snob 'designer clothes, fancy dinners and upholding an image'. I didn't think people really lived like this - it sounds exhausting. Surely if you're happy and confident in yourself you don't need to project an image.

Leave the poor guy alone. Let him find someone who doesn't think they're better than him. And to be so judgmental about his background makes me doubt you 'adore' him.

Baby mama is such a horrible term though, I'd have got the ick at this. I'm amazed you can't see how horrible it is.

OP, you dodged a bullet with this one. You were right to end it.

For future reference, if you can't see yourself being a step-parent, don't date any men who already have children - it would be a waste of your time and theirs.
It is incredibly tough making blended families or step-relationships work, so best to just avoid it.

Time heals. Give yourself a good few months before dating again.

Not because of those things, but because of the fact that he brought OP on a family day out, told her she was more nurturing than the child's actual mother and said how much he liked to see them together. Those are massive massive red flags.

You are completely incompatible. No way you are going to match long term.
It is just lust at the moment, this will go after one year.
btw, you do sound very very shallow. I would advise you to start working on deeper things and stop looking down on people whose dad didn’t provide them the lifestyle your dad did. You were just “lucky”, you didn’t achieve this yourself. There are people who came from your BF background and achieved much more than you.

EXACTLY!
The writing is very clearly on the wall with this bloke!

I can’t believe some of the responses on here. This man is a walking red flag and I can only think myself and some of the other posters who’ve pointed it out are older and wiser and have seen a bit of the world.

It is perfectly ok to have standards op. You don’t want to be a step mum and you don’t feel you are on the same socio-economic footing and have the same future in mind as this guy - all reasonable and fine. You are not shallow or selfish to want to be with someone who reflects your own values. This guy is not what you have in mind for a serious partner and that again is fine.

Im from a poor working class background myself and I wouldn’t want to date anyone seriously with that much baggage either.

It sounds like the stories he is telling are a set-up for excusing potential bad behaviour in the future as another pp said. You owe this guy nothing and have nothing to feel bad about.

He really is a walking red flag and it’s really bad form for some posters to be telling you that you are the problem.

once again thanks for all your replies.

I meant exiting this forum, not existing, merely a typo but thanks for pointing that out.

Those who said he is a red flag and dodged a bullet..etc. I have no negativity towards him. I’m merely explaining his backstory. Those who said I’m a snob, I’m not a saint, I like to save money and buy myself occasionally nice things to treat myself. But I understand if it came off oppositely, again it I wasn’t my intention.

I came on here to get help navigating my feelings, not analyse this guy or label him as a bad guy with red flag or label anyone. It wasn’t my intention to label anyone him, his ex partner, my family, or anyone. I was merely trying to reflect on my feelings and find ways to do better in terms of feeling sad and hurt, and see what the take home lesson is. Because to be honest, Al thought it might not seem it , it really really really hurt me to make this decision to end it.

but again, thanks all for your input. I will take all comments and reflect on them over time.

Sorry OP but you got my backup by going on about how seemingly perfect you are that the typo was too good to resist. But it was petty and I apologise.

@blairwaldorfoxoxo
From your update.
Your feelings and hurt are justified. Your wanting to reach out shows you still care. However absent is know to make the heart grow fonder as they say, but also forget. You need to find things to keep busy.
You are allowed to feel upset.

It sounds like you had a good lust connection, that was great for a few shags but not meant to be long term.
You may have a few of these connection till it's a love connection and that's fine too.

As I said in my first post please don't reach out to him you will only muddy your feelings further.

It's to soon to meet a new partners child.

OP, I'm sure you're a lovely person, but you're coming across as smug and arrogant.

Please don't contact him again. He can do better. And you can find someone more compatible.

Here's to 2025 bringing you what you're looking for.

You are definitely better off out of it tbh.

Anyone who runs down the mother of his child that much to a stranger is a waste of space.

As others have said he is trying to line you up as a cash cow. Love bombing you telling you what you want to hear, that he's never introduced kid etc

Stick to your guns, you deserve an equal in life - it has nothing to do with what he has monetary wise but he just sounds like a dick tbh blaming everything in his life on others.

If you really care for him, leave him be. It’s the kindest thing you can do.

He will be fine and find someone new.

Don't feel bad, you trusted your gut and that is standard MN advice, so well done.
I know you said you still really like him but do put some distance between yourselves to give you both a chance to move on.

Excellent advice. OP, listen to this.

Your gut instinct is telling you he's not the one for you.

There's loads of reasons from your post why this man has more red flags than a communist party convention - the baby mama thing, the fact that he introduced you to his child 5 weeks in. I could go on, but .... always always listen to your gut.

Don't go back to him or offer him friendship because that way drama lies.

You'll be fine.

Yeah, this man is manipulating you - and you don't realise it! Stay away from him. He's lining you up to look after his child, for one thing, and secondly, he's probably more than aware of your financial status - he's looking for a piece of the pie. Your dad sounds horribly judgemental but he can probably see through your boyfriend's ridiculous emotional blackmail. Toxic parents, brought up in foster care, psycho ex girlfriend etc etc

So you're a stuck up 🐮 but you go on to use the term 'baby mama'? Hmm, ok then.

whereas me I’m always on the go, chasing the next big dream- career, latest designer item, fancy dinners, and upholding an image.
and this is a plus in a personality? you sound like a shallow twat.
Hope he meets someone that values him and not an image

Definitely go no contact with him. He's not compatible with you.
He sounds very passive - if his so called baby mama is so bad why hasn't he taken steps to have more contact with his child, or residency. It is possible to be an involved dad even if you don't live with the child but it takes a lot of effort, knowing what's going on with school, phone calls, involvement in hobbies, full responsibility when it's your time, and generally co parenting with the mum, which involves a level of respect on both sides which isn't present here. Slagging her off is not a good look, and he involved you with his child far too early, especially as you were at least 3 months from being his girlfriend (why?). He is struggling with the parenting, that's why he liked you being involved.

There shouldn't be anything "to navigate" after 6 weeks.

Block him on everything, have no contact at all and in another 2 or 3 weeks you will both have moved on.

Look at your posts. You do not write like an educated professional with any notable class.

Meeting his child after 5 weeks is way to early.

You did the right thing by ending things. He will always have a different outlook on life and perhaps even hold it against you that you were fortunate and still are.

Look into love bombing.

He said he is planning on asking me to be his GF at the end of the 3 months (if things were going ok.)

That makes him sound about 12 years old.

Wealthy background highly educated young professional

And yet you use "wanna" and "baby mama"

You don't sound any of those things

and upholding an image.

I suspect this sentence is the most telling from your post