Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Remarried and Stay at Home Wife

48 replies

calmandcollected101 · 01/01/2025 22:38

Anyone had a dc from a previous relationship, however, remarried a man that didn't have any dc but was you were able to be a SAHM/SAHW?

OP posts:
purplespink · 01/01/2025 22:58

Yes, that's exactly what I've done.

Original poster
calmandcollected101 · 01/01/2025 23:23

purplespink · 01/01/2025 22:58

Yes, that's exactly what I've done.

Is life more peaceful and do you feel financially free with him?

I'm a single mum (30) never married
Would only want to get married to a man where I could stay at home , not work and just have my dc

OP posts:
CatsWhiskerz · 01/01/2025 23:26

Sorry but sounds like you're looking for a meal ticket! Why can't you work? What about a pension so you can support yourself when you're older?

Original poster
calmandcollected101 · 01/01/2025 23:30

CatsWhiskerz · 01/01/2025 23:26

Sorry but sounds like you're looking for a meal ticket! Why can't you work? What about a pension so you can support yourself when you're older?

Not really, I run a 7 figure business, would want to have that home life to share with and be a SAHM/SAHW that I never got in my 20's

OP posts:
SunflowerTed · 01/01/2025 23:30

I’m sure there are some lonely sugar daddys out there who would appreciate a sponger if you look hard enough

CatsWhiskerz · 01/01/2025 23:35

7 figure business? Eh? You're saying you want to be a SAHM?

Gymbunny2025 · 01/01/2025 23:36

Do you mean you would sell your business? Would you consider more children if you remarried?

MessyNeate · 01/01/2025 23:39

I remarried and could have that sahm life. But I want to use my brain and carry on the career I worked hard for. Why would you give it all up?

Original poster
calmandcollected101 · 01/01/2025 23:43

Gymbunny2025 · 01/01/2025 23:36

Do you mean you would sell your business? Would you consider more children if you remarried?

Yes sell it on or have someone take over do I don't have to work so much

I think I'm romantising the idea of being a SAHM as I've always worked

Dc dad never wanted to marry so I never gave up my careeer. He then threw us out when dc was under 2.
So I have just raised my dc 3 but think I grieved the loss of a family unit and that 'traditional' home life

I don't want more children. Possibly have another dc but I feel shame having 2 dc from 2 different dads even though I know that sounds ridiculous as many people do it

OP posts:
Original poster
calmandcollected101 · 01/01/2025 23:45

MessyNeate · 01/01/2025 23:39

I remarried and could have that sahm life. But I want to use my brain and carry on the career I worked hard for. Why would you give it all up?

I think to feel a security in a relationship I never had

However, I don't need a man. I like the idea of a family unit

I could be so wrong. I may do some work to keep the brain ticking. But I have had a lot of struggles in my 20's.

OP posts:
Gabitule · 01/01/2025 23:46

So you have a business but you want to sell it and not work when you get married?
Hmm, if your plan is use the money you make from selling your business to look after yourself and your child than I don’t see any issues with that. But if your plan is to find a man to provide for you and for your child (so another man’s child) than perhaps don’t tell them what your plan until you get married ;).

Gymbunny2025 · 01/01/2025 23:49

Your dc is only 3... I think quite normal to fantasise about being a SAHM at that age (I did/wasnt). Your priorities may change again as dc grows up. But nothing wrong with having a dream!

MessyNeate · 01/01/2025 23:50

@calmandcollected101

Marriage would give you that security? Giving up your hard worked for career means you LOSE your own security should the marriage go tits up.

My first DH left me with nothing but debt, I hadn't gained my career yet and worked one day a week to earn myself some pennies.

I had to leave with just the clothes on mine and my children's backs and start from scratch, mid degree. It was the hardest time of my life.

I won't ever put myself in that position again, my new DH pays all the bills (we are mortgage free) but I will never put myself in a position where I rely on him completely financially!

You shouldn't either

Original poster
calmandcollected101 · 01/01/2025 23:52

MessyNeate · 01/01/2025 23:50

@calmandcollected101

Marriage would give you that security? Giving up your hard worked for career means you LOSE your own security should the marriage go tits up.

My first DH left me with nothing but debt, I hadn't gained my career yet and worked one day a week to earn myself some pennies.

I had to leave with just the clothes on mine and my children's backs and start from scratch, mid degree. It was the hardest time of my life.

I won't ever put myself in that position again, my new DH pays all the bills (we are mortgage free) but I will never put myself in a position where I rely on him completely financially!

You shouldn't either

Oh my god that's awful
I'm really sorry to hear this.

Similar to my mums experience (parents are divorced)

I'll probably tie the money up in something else or give it to mum 😂

Is that fraud? I don't even know

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 01/01/2025 23:53

I think I'm romantising the idea of being a SAHM as I've always worked

Most people aged 30 have always worked, it's not some mighty grind you've undertaken. Sell your 7 figure business or downshift if you want to be a SAHM. You don't need a man to pay your way. Nor is there any shame in having another DC with a different partner if you met the right man and managed things well. Shame is way down (or indeed not even on) the list of considerations for having another DC. Overall it sounds like you have some quite old fashioned ideas about gender roles, marriage and motherhood that are worth shaking off as you go into your 30s. You're clearly a successful woman and don't need a rich man to take care of you or to frame your family planning around shame.

Original poster
calmandcollected101 · 01/01/2025 23:53

Gymbunny2025 · 01/01/2025 23:49

Your dc is only 3... I think quite normal to fantasise about being a SAHM at that age (I did/wasnt). Your priorities may change again as dc grows up. But nothing wrong with having a dream!

Good point. Never thought of it like that

I'm tired and haggard I think from the marathon of juggling it all!
Want someone else to look after me at some point when dc is around 6

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 02/01/2025 00:00

I think most good partners are looking for other good partners to be actual partners. Not for someone to look after. And agree with PP that everyone feels knackered when the DC are pre-school age, but it gets easier and you get yourself back.

Original poster
calmandcollected101 · 02/01/2025 00:04

pinkdelight · 02/01/2025 00:00

I think most good partners are looking for other good partners to be actual partners. Not for someone to look after. And agree with PP that everyone feels knackered when the DC are pre-school age, but it gets easier and you get yourself back.

Sure makes sense

How do you fill your day as a SAHM, did you have another dc with your DH?

OP posts:
VoltaireMittyDream · 02/01/2025 00:04

Our opportunity to be looked after and not have to do it ourselves expires upon reaching adulthood I’m afraid.

But it sounds like you’re in a good position to hire some help if things are too hectic.

frozendaisy · 02/01/2025 03:40

You want to meet a man wealthy enough to financially provide for you and your son and preferably have no children of his own or want any?

Wow.

Good luck with your search OP.

I would make alternative plans in case he doesn't turn up.

sammylady37 · 02/01/2025 06:13

frozendaisy · 02/01/2025 03:40

You want to meet a man wealthy enough to financially provide for you and your son and preferably have no children of his own or want any?

Wow.

Good luck with your search OP.

I would make alternative plans in case he doesn't turn up.

Not alone wealthy enough to do so, but also willing to ‘take care of’ a perfectly competent adult who just doesn’t want to look after herself, or provide for herself, at the age of 30 or so.

That’s a pretty tall order!

Pninnette · 02/01/2025 06:42

calmandcollected101 · 01/01/2025 23:45

I think to feel a security in a relationship I never had

However, I don't need a man. I like the idea of a family unit

I could be so wrong. I may do some work to keep the brain ticking. But I have had a lot of struggles in my 20's.

Show quote history

Your logic is very odd, though. If you’d struggled in your 20s, why would you want to put yourself in a vulnerable position in your 30s?

And bluntly, what’s in it for the man who’s going to financially support you to be economically inactive when you don’t even have children together? Why would anyone want to support a healthy, competent adult who just doesn’t want to work?

pelargoniums · 02/01/2025 07:11

What does this fantasy man get out of taking on you and your child?

hobbledyhoy · 02/01/2025 07:17

I think you've lost your mind. You would willingly give up financial security and independence from a seemingly very successful business?

It's a day dream we all have about not having to work but in your scenario you've attached it to marrying a man who looks after you.

Be careful what you wish for, I don't think it'd make you as happy as you think it would.

LynetteScavo · 02/01/2025 07:21

At what point would you give up your business to be the SAHM? I'm wondering if there are men out there looking for a woman who has a child and a well paid job so they can become a SAHD and not work anymore. It wouldn't work well if you met a man like this, so I think you need to put it out there early in the relationship, so any potential husband knows your intentions.