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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think my sister fancies my boyfriend

36 replies

Ltewy · 01/01/2025 16:45

Hi, so I'm 5 months pregnant and recently went out for a meal with my sister and boyfriend. Everything was fine at the meal , my boyfriend and sister then went for a couple of drinks as they'd had a couple already and I went home. My boyfriend that night called me sounding very uncomfortable. He proceeded to tell me that the whole night while i wasn't there my sister was saying 'give me a kiss' and 'give me a cuddle' which he didn't entertain and that because of the height difference when she was asking him this that she had a look on her face and my boyfriend said if he entertained it ( which I know he wouldn't) that she would have definitely engaged, my sister was drunk at this point and was just smothering him and trying to kiss him on his neck. My boyfriend said he felt super uncomfortable and that if I was there I would have said something and also that if my sisters boyfriend was there and saw it all he would've went mad. Please bare in mind she never does this to him Infront of me but when they have both been out for drinks previously she did it then too. He also said as she came in from outside she brushed his bum, and that he felt uncomfortable because it's something your partner would do. And the last time they was with eachother before this occasion she was telling people they go out for date nights which is untrue they just go for a couple of drinks as friends as my sister cleans his nan's house so after that they will go to the pub and my boyfriend had to say no it's not that at all. Are me and my boyfriend going crazy?????????

OP posts:
litepop · 01/01/2025 16:49

So it's not the first time it's happened....it (supposedly) makes him feel uncomfortable....yet at the end of the meal when he has the option of going home with you, or putting himself in a position of drinking 1:1 with your sister, he chooses the latter?

Somethings not adding up here

VickyEadieofThigh · 01/01/2025 16:52

litepop · 01/01/2025 16:49

So it's not the first time it's happened....it (supposedly) makes him feel uncomfortable....yet at the end of the meal when he has the option of going home with you, or putting himself in a position of drinking 1:1 with your sister, he chooses the latter?

Somethings not adding up here

Indeed. He sounds like he's covering himself here.

WickedlyCharmed · 01/01/2025 16:52

He’s so uncomfortable, he keeps going out for drinks with her.

Aye right.

WhereIsMyLight · 01/01/2025 16:54

If it’s happened before, why is your boyfriend even putting himself in the position of going out for drinks alone with her? Maybe she fancies him but the bigger issue is your boyfriend enjoys having his ego massaged (and flaunting it to you).

Also, the height difference shouldn’t be a reason not to kiss her for fucks sake. How about, I’m in a committed relationship with your pregnant sister whom I love dearly?

amber763 · 01/01/2025 16:55

He needs to stop going for drinks with her. Have you asked her about this?

mumtoababygirl · 01/01/2025 16:56

Why on earth is he still going out for drinks with her if she makes him uncomfortable? Also don’t understand the height difference issue?

ohyesido · 01/01/2025 17:06

Could he be getting in first in case your sister tells it differently?

SplendidUtterly · 01/01/2025 17:11

You know what's going on here.

TwistedWonder · 01/01/2025 17:12

Agree with PP. Why on earth would be honour with her and not home with you if she’s come on to him previously and made h feel uncomfortable.

Im suspicious he’s getting his version of events in first in case she decides to tell you what actually happened.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 01/01/2025 17:17

Why does he keep agreeing to go out with a woman who is deliberately threatening his relationship?

IsawwhatIsaw · 01/01/2025 17:17

Yes, pretty clear he’s getting his story in first. You can’t trust either of them

Meltedwelly · 01/01/2025 17:18

All kinds of wrong. You must know what your sisters like.

Hesonlyakidharry · 01/01/2025 17:21

He needs to have a firm boundary of no longer being alone with her and absolutely no drinking with her. She can clean his grandmother’s house and then go home. No more drinks or trips out with him alone. Ever.
And you need to start holding boundaries with her too, making it clear that her behaviour is unacceptable.

Hesonlyakidharry · 01/01/2025 17:21

If he refuses to enforce a boundary and keeps going out with her, then he is also the problem and maybe be enjoying the attention. That’s a problem for you.

SnoopysHoose · 01/01/2025 17:27

they just go for a couple of drinks as friends as my sister cleans his nan's house so after that they will go to the pub
yet she makes him uncomfortable? aye ok
somethings happened and he's covering his back.

arcticpandas · 01/01/2025 17:29

Poor bf. So uncomfortable with your sister, yet he keeps going out drinking with her..did I miss something ?

buttonousmaximous · 01/01/2025 17:33

I'd trust my sister over a boyfriend?

Can you ask her if anything happened?

There's a few options-

1, He made a move on her got rejected and he's covering his tracks

2, they cheated on you and he's covering his tracks

3, he doesn't like her and or doesn't like you having a good relationship with her so he's trying to come between you

4, she came on to him and he's telling the truth

Sassybooklover · 01/01/2025 17:40

Well, he needs to stop going out for drinks with your sister. He needs to completely shut her down, by not spending time with her alone. This is something that has happened before, yet he's continued to engage with her on a 1:1 level. If he really is that uncomfortable, why hasn't he taken steps to ensure he's not putting himself into situations? Your sister appears to only do this when she's had a few drinks and never when you're present. Yes, I'd say she's attracted to him, and he's giving her mixed signals because he's not stopped putting himself in situations where he's alone with her. Alcohol is making her inhibitions and control slide, and it's only then she allows her true feelings to come out. You need a serious conversation with your partner. Words are cheap, actions speak louder than words. By keep engaging, he's encouraging her behaviour, so any 1:1 time stops going forward. If he's not willing to do that, then you need to question why.

FuriousPoodle · 01/01/2025 17:45

Poor fella.

DoYouReally · 01/01/2025 17:46

This doesn't make sense.

Why would he continously spend time in the company of someone who repeatedly makes him uncomfortable?

Why didn't he shut her down?

Why did both him and sister prefer to spend time together rather than going home with their partners?

  1. Is he telling his version of the truth first?
  2. Do you trust him/your sister?
  3. Do him/your sister have form?
  4. Why didn't her shut her down and go home?
  5. Is he controlling/trying to drive a wedge between you and your sister?

His story is off. I don't know why but there is a reason for it and none of the reasons I can think off are good ones.

scotstars · 01/01/2025 17:53

Why would your sister continue to throw herself at your partner who is allegedly telling her no with no fear of him telling you until now? Surely if thats what actually happened he wouldnt continue voluntarily getting into situations where hes alone with her when alcohol is involved. Agree with many others he's getting his story in first maybe he's tried it on or there's been a drunken kiss

HawkersSouth · 01/01/2025 17:53

Something fishy is going on here. I wouldn't be too quick to blame your sister 🤔

passtherichteas · 01/01/2025 17:59

buttonousmaximous · 01/01/2025 17:33

I'd trust my sister over a boyfriend?

Can you ask her if anything happened?

There's a few options-

1, He made a move on her got rejected and he's covering his tracks

2, they cheated on you and he's covering his tracks

3, he doesn't like her and or doesn't like you having a good relationship with her so he's trying to come between you

4, she came on to him and he's telling the truth

This

Buxomblondie · 01/01/2025 18:01

Poor innocent boyfriend and that scarlet woman! You must defend his honour toute de fucking suite

VelvetWildflower · 01/01/2025 18:06

If this really was an issue and he really did feel uncomfortable he wouldn't be putting himself in a position to be alone around her without firmly shutting her down to the point where she'd never do it again.

He's not shut her down. He's enjoying it. He also might be telling you a watered down story.

Have you asked your sister about it either time it happened?