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Original poster

What would you do?

27 replies

BeMerryGoose · 01/01/2025 10:00

Hi everyone,

me and my boyfriend of 2 years are looking to move in together this year, we are both originally from differnt areas of England and are looking to both move roughly 20 miles away from both of the towns we grew up in.
He has said that he would go back every couple of months to his home town to see friends and relatives and stay the night up there.
i said to him I don’t understand why you’d stay up the night and not just get the last train back.
am I being unreasonable thinking that he should come back and not stay the night up there?
please give me your honest opinions as we have been going through a bit of a rough patch recently.

OP posts:
Bertielong3 · 01/01/2025 10:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

OurDreamLife · 01/01/2025 10:03

In reality you’ll probably not go back that often but when you do you won’t want to be click watching to travel back if you’re having fun.

Probably not a good idea to move in together if you’re already having rough patches.

RandomMess · 01/01/2025 10:03

Sometimes he could the train back other times it may be a later night and he stays over 🤷🏽‍♀️

12purplepencils · 01/01/2025 10:04

Why does it bother you if he stays the night?
I’d rather do that then get the last train home.

It doesn’t sound like you have a healthy dynamic tbh.

Totaleclipseofthemind · 01/01/2025 10:06

This is not going to end well. Living with someone doesn’t make you their jailer.

Original poster
BeMerryGoose · 01/01/2025 10:08

Just to add, he has cheated on me back in the summer and we’re currently working on trust, we have decided to have a talk in the coming weeks about our relationship and where things are between us.

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 01/01/2025 10:10

20 miles is nothing, I imagine he’ll be back all the time. Perfectly reasonable that he’d want to stay over though. If someone told me what I could and couldn’t do I would have a rethink about moving in with them.

But I would also drop someone like a hot potato if they cheated on me.

Semiramide · 01/01/2025 10:11

Given your update, do NOT - and I mean absolutely NOT - move in with him.

Because it won't end well.

Instead work on your self esteem and focus on your career.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 01/01/2025 10:12

Honest opinion: end it now and make a good start to 2025 single and free. Two years and already reeling from his cheating - this is no way to live.

Get in touch with any supportive friends you have. Take care of yourself. You are worth much more than this.

Namechangetheyarewatching · 01/01/2025 10:15

BeMerryGoose · 01/01/2025 10:08

Just to add, he has cheated on me back in the summer and we’re currently working on trust, we have decided to have a talk in the coming weeks about our relationship and where things are between us.

Hard, Nope!!

Do not move in with this man, make 2025 the year you ditched his cheating arse and moved on.

#Raise the bar

ARichtGoodDram · 01/01/2025 10:16

BeMerryGoose · 01/01/2025 10:08

Just to add, he has cheated on me back in the summer and we’re currently working on trust, we have decided to have a talk in the coming weeks about our relationship and where things are between us.

Don’t move in with someone who cheated on you.

Olika · 01/01/2025 10:22

First of all don't move together with him as it's not long ago he cheated on you. Makes me think this is what is behind you thinking he shouldn't spend overnight at his home town. I think you two better work on your relationship and you really thinking this through before next step. You need time to observe if he can be trusted again and if his actions match his words.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 01/01/2025 10:24

You sound immature. You do not need to be together 24/7.

Totaleclipseofthemind · 01/01/2025 10:26

Do not progress with this partner if monogamy is important to you.

Cynic17 · 01/01/2025 10:26

Occasional nights away from each other are extremely helpful for a relationship, OP. We have had time apart throughout our 35 year marriage.
Everyone needs their friends - he can't just ditch them because he has a partner. And why would you want him waking you up when he comes home drunk?
Don't be clingy, OP!

StrawberryWater · 01/01/2025 10:31

Nope, don't move in with this guy.

Get rid of him.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/01/2025 10:34

Do not move in with a cheat and furthermore do not stay with a cheat.

End it now, forget all this talking about our relationship and where things are in a few weeks time (and why a few weeks too?). It just prolongs the agony.

healthybychristmas · 01/01/2025 10:35

BeMerryGoose · 01/01/2025 10:08

Just to add, he has cheated on me back in the summer and we’re currently working on trust, we have decided to have a talk in the coming weeks about our relationship and where things are between us.

Okay, that's enough. He cheated on you and he wants to spend nights apart from you. This isn't the man for you. This is not the person you deserve.

Nothingisrealisit · 01/01/2025 10:59

It sounds as though he is setting himself up with ready made excuses to spend nights with other women when he wants to in the future.
I don't think you will get much peace of mind from this relationship and you would be far better ending things now rather than moving in with him.

unsync · 01/01/2025 11:03

BeMerryGoose · 01/01/2025 10:08

Just to add, he has cheated on me back in the summer and we’re currently working on trust, we have decided to have a talk in the coming weeks about our relationship and where things are between us.

Don't do it. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Save yourself the heartache and bother. Make 2025 the year you find someone worthy of you. You deserve much better.

catkatcatkat · 01/01/2025 11:09

Get rid of this one. Don’t move in with him.

However, it’s not unreasonable to want to stay with friends or family - in this scenario I can see why you’re concerned, but it’s unreasonable and a bit odd to think you can only go back for one day and have to go home that night.

FuriousPoodle · 01/01/2025 11:13

Don't be a mug.

DelphiniumBlue · 01/01/2025 11:15

BeMerryGoose · 01/01/2025 10:08

Just to add, he has cheated on me back in the summer and we’re currently working on trust, we have decided to have a talk in the coming weeks about our relationship and where things are between us.

"We're working on trust", do you mean that you are the one doing the work on this? Working on bringing yourself to trust someone who has already demonstrated that they are not to be trusted?
Don't do it. Don't move in with him. Dump him now before you become more enmeshed. It really should not be this difficult when you are only 2 years in to the relationship.

Purplecatshopaholic · 01/01/2025 11:17

Ah, ok, so he’s been cheating and (understandably) you don’t trust him. The going out/staying over thing is of course a potential cover for more cheating, I assume that’s what you are worried about. I’d have dumped him the first time myself, but maybe now is the time you raise your bar, put your wellbeing and self esteem higher up the priority list, and start the NY single…?

Madamegreen · 01/01/2025 11:19

If he's cheated then I don't see why you're so invested in making it work.
Nevertheless moving forward doesn't control a partner's movements, I think there's nothing wrong with being apart.