Please help me think of a way to enjoy my birthday for myself. Aside from that, could you stay with someone who doesn’t show you any appreciation on special occasions?
I always had rubbish birthdays as a child, usually because my mum would find a reason to cause a scene. Highlights included having a massive go at me and silent treatment for not wanting to wait for a picture to blow my candles out when I was about 11/12 and leaving me on my 18th at a hotel party night she insisted she wanted me to have, because I was enjoying some time with my dad who lived in a far away town and I didn’t see much and didn’t want to have lots of photos with her. I had to go back with my dad in a taxi and get the bus back home the next day still in the same clothes.
Because of this, I always have a stupid irrational ‘wish’ that birthdays might be good one day. Last year I was 30 and my dad forgot so didn’t even wish me a happy birthday.
It’s my birthday tomorrow and DH as usual, has made very little effort and it’s starting to get to me. It’s the same with any other occasion e.g. Christmas. I know lots of people don’t place value on birthdays which is great for them, sometimes I wish I could be more like that!
I’d just love however, to be made a fuss of for one day, have someone surprise me with something I’d like. Whenever there’s an occasion with his friends however, he’s straight there 100% involved and doing whatever needs to be done.
He went to get DD some milk from the supermarket the other day so came home with a cheap iced child’s cake for my cake, which I can’t get away with.
As of yesterday evening, he hadn’t got me a present and this evening he’s admitted he hasn’t even wrote my card out yet. He’s complained about the timing of my birthday as if it changes every year to surprise him or I planned being born myself! He makes every excuse such as me being too difficult to buy for or he needs me to tell him what I would like.
He can’t think of anything to get me aside from face value obvious things like makeup or perfume he says. Late last night he discovered I needed some moisturiser so said he’d just get me that for my birthday but that ended up with me just ordering it myself so he could use my points card and it won’t be here until next week.
He did however make a big show about how he’s planned a day out for us tomorrow. Despite bad weather warnings, he’s told me he’s planned to drive us a bit further afield to walk the dogs somewhere I’ve wanted to go to take in the views (I wanted to go on a clear Autumn day but I digress). I’ve just checked their website and they’re closed tomorrow due to the weather forecast which he apparently didn’t know, so now, no plans. These plans also didn’t involve our children so he was wanting me to spend the whole day away from them when I wouldn’t want to do that.
Christmases etc are always the same - I have to give him exact instructions of what I’d want and he will often then just buy it whilst I’m there so I have no surprises or any thought into things.
I hope this doesn’t come across as ungrateful or rude - I don’t demand or want huge extravagant gestures or expensive material things, just a little something to show some thought as the way things are, just don’t make me feel cared about at all. Everything feels like a last minute inconvenience without any thought.