My heart goes out to you, @AmIOverthinkingOrJustMad.
You need to proceed from a position of strength, so do consult with a solicitor to gather information. It behooves you to know where you stand legally and financially, even if you decide stay.
Shine a light on these smug, faithless Rats who think they are so clever. They will hate being outed and put under the spotlight for everyone to see. Does the OW have a husband or partner? If so, I would contact him via a platform that OW can’t sabotage and tell him what you know. Compare notes with him. I’d do this immediately before confronting your P regarding his continued dishonesty and gaslighting.
As I previously stated, your P needs to feel the sharp, shocking consequence of being exiled. How dare he treat you and the children like shit on his shoe. Show him the door and inform him that you are not interested in a
non-monogamous relationship with a lying cheat … and that you have already consulted with a solicitor.
@AmIOverthinkingOrJustMad, he needs to understand that you mean business. You have the upper hand, so keep him gone while you think and plan. Don’t even consider reconciling unless he shows absolute remorse by:
+Coming totally clean with the truth and writing a detailed timeline of his affair.
+Cutting contact with OW in your presence.
+Providing open access to all devices and card/bank statements.
+Working on his character deficiencies via IC and infidelity readings/websites like survivinginfidelity.
+Answering all questions and patiently engaging whenever you need to talk, cry & rage.
Unfortunately, his lying and downplaying when initially confronted is evidence that he’ll be a poor candidate for an authentic, successful reconciliation.
Consider accessing IC to gain clarity, and check out survivinginfidelity.com which provides valuable resources and excellent, non-judgmental advice from people who have walked in your shoes, especially on their Just Found Out forum.
Sending strength to you, @AmIOverthinkingOrJustMad.