Are all men like this?

[FauxChicken]

I’m not asking if it’s appropriate or not, just whether it’s common to the point of universal or close enough.

As an example, would you be able to be around your partner while topless/braless and just relax without him ogling or fondling you or otherwise pestering you?

Or do you have to either tell him not to do that, or stay covered?

OP… it’s not normal for a partner to ogle and touch your breasts unless he knows (knows, not thinks) that you’re comfortable with him doing that. That doesn’t mean you have have to expressly state Yes or No every time. But if you’re pushing him off or saying words to the effect that you don’t like it, then it’s sexual assault, plain and simple.

If I was sat on the sofa topless my partner would defo look and say something maybe even give my boobs a smooth but it would be innocent and if I said buggar of he would but we're quite jokey with each other through touch tbh. But I sleep topless every night and we sit and watch tv in bed and he don't touch my boobs or anything but he's probably just used to them being out lol

“… touching breasts without permission is sexual assault and you should ask before you touch, this surely does not happen in a LTR…”

I suspect @smithey85 is being deliberately obtuse. Of course a couple in a long term relationship have agreed boundaries, and know each other well enough to pick up on cues. They don’t explicitly ask for verbal consent every time as there is no need. However, we all know that touching any part of someone’s body without their consent is sexual assault. Even in a long term relationship. OP is clearly not happy with her partner’s behaviour and suggests he is groping her without her consent. Your comment that “this does not happen in LTR” is really dangerous and confusing for someone in that position.

He's crossing your boundaries or you wouldn't have asked

OMG, my comments have been no different to multiple other posters on here, except they are women so are not getting it in the neck.

let me recap and reiterate what I have said, along with many other posters.

Whenever I have been in a LTR neither myself nor
my partner has ever asked if we could kiss each other, whether she could touch parts of my body or I can touch part of hers. This is because of a long term understanding over a period of years that we know and respect each others boundaries.

however , these boundaries would be entirely different if we were just dating and barely knew each other.

Also, if my partner or I ever said stop we are not in the mood, then we would stop. Otherwise I wholeheartedly agree it’s sexual assault. I have never once in any of my posts said otherwise.

My argument/issue has been with various posters saying that if you touch a LTP without consent , whether it’s verbal or non verbal it’s sexual assault, yet many others here have said the same and even quoted they would leave or feel weird if their pRtner asked before they kissed or touched them.

In OPs case, if she has told her DP she does not like to be touched or he still touches her after she has said no, then this is wrong. However, this is all assumption as although I’ve previously asked, we still don’t know if OP has ever explicitly told her DP to stop: for all we know, if she has never given him an indication she doesn’t like to be touched, he might be assuming she does like it and sees it as affection.

Happy new year to you all. I’m off to sleep.

Braless I'd expect no comment.

Topless I'd assume was a come on unless it was very hot or a joke?

Most men would do both

I def could - DH knows the difference between when I want to feel comfy or to be sexy and encourage that sort of behaviour

Mine would never touch unless I encouraged it but would look and let me know he appreciated what he saw. It's quite a nice thing in our relationship. Even after 10 years me taking my bra off at the end of the day is still a treat for him!

This is where communication between you and your DP is important. Clearly he doesn't have a social / relationship filter to know what is or isnt appropriate and isn't picking up on your non-verbal cues (eg facial expression, or gestures for him to stop it) so you need to say it in words and not expect him to mind read. Some men really are dense and there's no excuse, but that's life.

if he fondles you when you're in the bath or getting changed when you don't want him to, use it as a scenario to explain what you do or don't want.

"DP, please can you not fondle me when I'm having a bath / when I'm trying to get changed. I don't like it and you're in my way. Can you give me some space please"

if he persistently ignores you and doesn't take on board your wants and needs he's a sex pest and thinks you're his property to handle as he sees fit, which is a serious matter that could harm your relationship if he doesn't take you seriously.

Not in my experience would DH ogle me uncomfortably or touch me when I wasn’t keen. Pre-baby we were all over each other. These days, I could probably walk around naked all day and he would be too busy with baby to notice lol!

Pre-kid, I would never sit around topless though (maybe braless). I have big boobs and since I gained weight they even bigger and so uncomfortable if not strapped down! So no, peep show for anyone anymore. I can barely look at myself in the mirror without wanting a breast reduction.

Interesting reading this thread and the different experiences.

I am currently separated from my long term partner, but we are talking again and I am starting to hope we may be able to rekindle. Certainly, compared to some of the men mentioned on here, I can see there was lots about him that made me feel really comfortable, happy and safe.

Yes I could lounge about in front of him with no clothes on, and we often did. We were quite tactile, so there would often be a quick cuddle, a kiss, just a non-sexual touch on the arm or whatever.

But definitely no sexual touching unless we both signaled we were in the mood for that. We knew each other well enough that the signals weren't always verbal. There were many ways I could show him I was interested in sex and intimacy if I didn't feel like verbalising it....Body language for example. And often through kissing - we kissed often just in passing, light kisses, but one of us could easily deepen the kiss to signal we wanted more......

He was very careful to ensure he had my consent, and that I was fully comfortable, before initiating any form of sexual intimacy. Extremely respectful, yet still managed to communicate that I was desirable and he wanted me.

(Yeah, struggling to remember why I actually left him now......)

My DH might make a bit of a pass (e.g. raised eyebrows and an appreciative comment, possibly a tentative stroke depending on the circumstances) if he was in the mood, but would read my response and respect it. This is the same as when I’m wearing winter woolies. It’s totally acceptable to me and also how I would treat him.

There have been very similar posts on this topic to mine, from women, but because I’m a man my views and opinions are taken differently.
In this discussion, you being a man does affect how you sharing your opinion on seeking consent in a LTR lands.

My argument/issue has been with various posters saying that if you touch a LTP without consent , whether it’s verbal or non verbal it’s sexual assault, yet many others here have said the same and even quoted they would leave or feel weird if their pRtner asked before they kissed or touched them.
Women sharing their experiences and views, even those who say they prefer their partner to touch without checking, are in the position of giving consent. Those who do require consent have shared how experiencing unwanted touching/ogling/groping makes them uncomfortable.

Women who are fine with it have no doubt already let their partner know their boundaries. Women who haven't given a thumbs up to all touching at all times want men to understand verbal and non-verbal consent, and feel that being in a LTR does not, for them, mean their male partners can touch them however and whenever they want.

to the PP who said touching breasts without permission is sexual assault and you should ask before you touch, this surely does not happen in a LTR. If I had to ask a partner everytime I wanted to kiss them to show them I loved them, or touch another part of their body it would be weird.
You are saying those women who require a partner to look for cues of verbal or non verbal consent are, in your opinion, weird.
Women who dont consider being in a LTR to be blanket consent are not weird for needing the men in their lives to understand this and not touch them sexually when they do not want it.

Personally, I consider non-consensual sexual touching (when no verbal or non verbal consent has been given), regardless of the length of the relationship, to be sexual assault. If it isn't, where do you draw the line? At what point does sexual touching that a woman hasn't consented to and doesn't want cross that line? And who gets to decide where the line is - the man who wants to touch, or the woman who is being touched?

As a man, why are you so invested in 'arguing' against women whose personal boundaries conflict with your preferences?

I do think a man’s opinion can be valuable as well.
Has anyone on this thread asked for a man's opinion?

We sleep naked and are very comfortable being naked around each other. Mine would probably would have a look but absolutely wouldn't ogle or touch me in that way. He wanders around naked too, I'm definitely watching and aware but I'm far more of a perve than him 😂 I am subtle about it and I'd never grope him in an inappropriate situation.

Exactly this 👏👏 not one of us have asked for a male opionion. But they just can’t help themselves being total busy bodies. And a male sitting on mumsnet would be an opinion I’d never ever take on board They need a life preferably away from a woman’s forum.

It’s not a women’s forum though, it’s a parents forum. You have a terrible attitude. I have no problem with a man being on here but I don’t hate men

I don’t hate men! It’s called mumsnet is it not ? Anytime a man replies it’s always vulgar and not necessary. No one has came on looking for a man’s opinion!

I have no issues with men who are on looking for genuine help or advice. But those who often comment turn my stomach and I wish they’d take their weirdness elsewhere.

@Whoknew24 I’m female and agree with the sentiments of the male poster and other females who have said the same thing. I would also find it weird in a LTR if I had to gain permission to touch my male partner and everyone I’ve ever been with, would feel the same.

Somehow you turned this into a scenario where those who feel like that, would just ignore another partner that felt permission was important and would sexually assault them. Actually, the male poster may be like me and others, that after we realise we’re going to have to discuss permission every time anything happens, we’d be sufficiently turned off to end whatever the relationship was and find someone more like us. Just because we would find that weird, doesn’t mean we’d become a sexual predator that ignores consent. Different strokes for different folk and all that, but that’s where communication is important so you can decide if you are compatible.

I don’t see that being male/female makes any difference but don’t turn other people’s comments into something it’s not, just because you want to paint a man as something he’s never indicated he is.

DP and I have open consent. We often cuddle naked under a blanket or semi-naked. Being close is a given and sexual advances are always welcomed...
I don't understand the barriers people place in front of intimacy.

Can you please copy and paste where I’ve said anything about asking for consent ?

I must have amnesia because I have zero recollection of this so if you could show me it would really help.

Thankyou @Namechanged4obviousreasons .

@Whoknew24 - you have never said anything about consent being given. I don’t Think the post above was aimed at you.

You did however previously agree with my sentiments and @Namechanged4obviousreasons so im
a bit confused why you are arguing a point you agree with?