Are all men like this?

[FauxChicken]

I’m not asking if it’s appropriate or not, just whether it’s common to the point of universal or close enough.

As an example, would you be able to be around your partner while topless/braless and just relax without him ogling or fondling you or otherwise pestering you?

Or do you have to either tell him not to do that, or stay covered?

Absolutely if I’m in the bath, just out the shower, wearing nothing but a towel or getting changed I would not take kindly to being groped. Grim as fuck and where is the line drawn? Loading the dishwasher and he shoved his hands into your knickers? Touches you up while you’re cooking dinner? No thank you

When I was ill DH would bathe me and help to to the toilet (even wiping my bottom). It was embarrassing for both of us at first but the embarrassment passed. Sometimes it's sexy being naked together, sometimes not.

We go naturist sunbathing...so yes! Not appropriate to be fondling in that situation.

Totally agree with this.

to the PP who said touching breasts without permission is sexual assault and you should ask before you touch, this surely does not happen in a LTR. If I had to ask a partner everytime I wanted to kiss them to show them I loved them, or touch another part of their body it would be weird.

Coming to think of it; I don’t think I ever asked my ex ‘ are you happy for me to stick my knob in you now ‘ - it’s just a natural progression from foreplay and heavy petting. I am pretty sure most women would find that a huge turn off.

I'm getting confused with yes or no

But the op is saying she’s in the bath or getting changed and he comes up and grabs her breasts. That’s very different to being snuggled up on sofa. It’s her private time not an invite to be groped

Blokes looking at tits: Yes, that’s universal 😀. Always has been, always will be.

But ‘ogling’ in a creepy way, or unwanted touching, or what you describe as ‘pestering’, no way. Any sensible chap learned before they left their teenage years that is not sexy, and that women don’t like it.

My wife usually gets up first. She has beautiful breasts and I always enjoy watching her while she dresses, usually whilst pretending not to. It’s become something of an in-joke which makes us both laugh. But I wouldn’t jump out of bed and grab her. Why would I do that? It would be naff thing to do.

I was topless most of the time while breastfeeding as i found it really hard. So yes. I used to get pestered a bit at other times with clothes on but told him not to as I'm not into it and he stopped.

I know, I was referring to @theallotmentqueen comment about touching without consent is sexual assault which is ridiculous ( if it’s a LTR )

He needs to read the relationship like any partner does. With my ex, if she was showering I would often jump in with her, but I knew she liked that, if the OPs DP knew she didn’t like that sort of stuff then of course he shouldn’t do it. However; I can’t see OP actually saying she has told him she doesn’t like it…..so he might think she does because a previous partner did.

I always sleep naked and and when it’s hot I’m often wearing very little around the house. I don’t see either as sexual and I’d be pretty annoyed if DP did, or if he was pawing at me of making comments. There are obviously times when being naked is arousing and sexual but not always.

I can remember breast feeding DD on a park bench when she was tiny and some teenage boys doing a U turn to catch a glimpse. If DH was pestering me all the time I think I’d similarly think he was a bit pathetic and desperate.

Why is it ridiculous? You just defined sexual assault - sexual touching without consent - why should it matter if it's in or out of a relationship? Your dismissal of a situation which is quite obviously SA based on a relationship whiffs strongly of people who deny that marital rape is a thing. It's not like as soon as you enter a relationship you give blanket consent for your partner to touch you any way they like, anytime. Consent still has to be given each and every time. Heads up, in a court of law it doesn't matter how long you've been in a relationship, if you sexually assault your partner you've still committed a sexual assault.

Consent doesn't have to be verbal and signed via contract. However, it also has to be quite obviously wanted, something the person is comfortable with, which can be shown with either verbal or non-verbal cues. Verbal cues: 'yes', 'that feels good', etc. Non-verbal cues: smiling, pulling the person closer, looking obviously comfortable and relaxed.

Signs of verbal non-consent: 'no', 'I'm not really feeling it', 'I feel a bit tired', 'I feel a bit awkward/uncomfortable'. These are all signs to fucking stop and leave the person alone.

Signs of non-verbal non-consent: looking uncomfortable/anxious, being stiff, pulling away, covering your body so the person can't touch you, pushing them off/away, going silent.

I sincerely doubt that OP is displaying either verbal or non verbal cues of consent when her husband gropes her, as she describes him 'pestering' her, so the touch is clearly unwanted.

Well I guess not all men are, I mean I don’t know the rate of unwanted sexual fondling at nudist camps, but as far as I’m aware a woman would be able to browse a postcard rack in only her shoes handbag and jewellery and not be harassed. That doesn’t even account for nude volleyball and all that provocative bouncing, charades, casual fondue Friday or the nude Christian social 😂.

I actually don’t mind my partner touching me whenever he wants, we love each other and it’s what separates our relationship from that of housemates.

Both me and DH have a look at each other if we're changing and naked for a few seconds. It's natural with someone you fancy to look.

But neither would grope or assume that naked = sex, unless we were both up for it.

And if one of us is, and the other isn't, then a simply 'I'm not in the mood right now, sorry' does it.

The problem is if someone is groping without any suggestion the other party is enjoying it, or if someone ignores 'no' first time.

This 👆🏽

This. My DH never asks to touch me (and me him) and I’d think him bloody weird if he did.

did you even read my definition of consent? It can be both verbal and non verbal.

I find it a bit disturbing that you’re so set on proving that you don’t care about consent. That’s really not something you want to show off.

Groping is horrible, everyone knows what it is including the men who do it. But of course there are the usual posters with their 'how ridiculous if you can't touch your partner' and 'the day my dp asks permission will be our last together'. Why be so obtuse? Its unwanted sexual touching and it's not acceptable.

No mine would be all over me 🤦‍♀️ even with pyjamas on he does. But if bra etc he’d been at me instantly.

Can I ask a genuine question what prompts you to come here ? I’m seeing more men come here and I’m just wondering why ?

I don’t actually know any men who’d think to come to mumsnet. It just feels that a safe place for women to get advice now has more and more men it’s really gutting 🥲

I know you’re going you’re best but you just sound like an unintelligent dick head. @theallotmentqueen was quite clear in her definition of consent and you would do well to learn.

Let’s be honest he’s sat on mumsnet full of women , so that Indicates what kind of person he is. It’s pathetic and tragic in all honesty. Best we can do is just ignore the men craving attention on here. Not the genuine few who are genuinely looking for some help , widowed, single dads etc.

Of course you can ask .

I came onto MN pre covid when my finance at the time was diagnosed with breast cancer and sadly passed away after a two year battle. It devastated me and the support on here was amazing so I stuck around, and although I understand it’s a forum for women, I do think a man’s opinion can be valuable as well.

There have been very similar posts on this topic to mine, from women, but because I’m a man my views and opinions are taken differently.

i’m not here to start an argument so I will leave this particular topic after this post, but my point was echoing others that had said they had never given consent either verbal or non verbal in a LTR for kissing or touching and more over , had their DP
asked for consent they would find it weird.

DH would look most of the time, possibly comment but wouldn't touch me without invitation

@Sherararara you realise I was being sarcastic right?

you said:

This. My DH never asks to touch me (and me him) and I’d think him bloody weird if he did

This is EXACTLY the point I’m trying to make , so not sure how that makes me a dickhead? And you were respond to a post with the same view point!

‘ if my OH asked to touch my breasts everytime he wanted to touch them I’d soon be done with him’

Matter closed, I’ve said all I need to say. At least for now…