Why do so many men threaten suicide?

[HelenInHeels]

I'm not talking generally here or minimising the reality of male suicide for real.

I mean guys who threaten to kill themselves if their wife or partner goes through with dumping their sorry asses when they've been found out. I've seen it so many times on here. It makes a mockery of suicide victims and I hate it.

I will say it worked on me for a while when we were in an on off relationship. He told me he would kill himself and it would be my fault and he would make sure everyone would know it was my fault.

I would look at his kids and think about having to tell them that their dad was dead and imagine the looks on their faces.

He was abusive in other ways and I eventually did leave. He didn't kill himself and his kids have all cut contact with him.

Thankfully I now know the red flags when it comes to abusive men but at the time I didn't.

It's a well-documented abuse tactic, and part of the coercive control playbook.

I definitely think it’s control. My ex said this when I tried to break up with him. He’d controlled me and worn me down to the point I stayed with him a bit longer but did break up with him properly in the end. He didn’t do it. He followed me for a while and kept phoning and didn’t leave me alone for a while but did eventually. He got a new girlfriend and started on her I imagine. I never heard from him again thank god. But it’s not just men who say this, my MIL regularly used this when my DH was younger. He’s now NC because she is a violent abusive drunk.

I assume you are using 'fathers' in the purely biological sense, rather than to denote a man who has actually been involved in raising children.

You need some help, incel.

98% of attached men I know are not particularly tall, particularly handsome, or rich. They still have wives and long term partners. Women who earn as much or more than them, women who support them if they need support. Functional, devoted relationships.

I've done a construction course in which at least two of the men were unemployed due to a recession and their wives were holding the show up financially. Neither men were tall incidentally.

Only you batshit crazy incels believe women are only interested in 666.

If women don't want you, it's cause you're insane (and usually objectify them in weird ways) ...... not cause you're not very tall, handsome and rich.

Also you need to stop derailing a thread about mostly male abusers who use the tactic of threatening suicide to manipulate partners ...... You're completely OFF TOPIC.

But what happens if an abusive man threatens suicide, the victim ignores him and he actually follows through, please tell me the victim won't get into trouble. I often read on here the advice to call for a welfare check for a suicidal man, but surely once an abusive man is dead he can't abuse any more women.

No idea what you are on but you sound angry. It's about time women put themselves first instead of last, behind the men, the children, the workplace, even behind the pet. Let the men think about the men, after all they control the funding for the research and charities who support men. Why aren't the men helping each other instead of emotionally blackmailing and berating the women. Just like you've done here 🤔

Studies suggest the happiest groups are married men and single women (!). Also although women are materially and financially worse off often (though there are obviously lots of exceptions) after divorce, men often struggle more with the break up. Not hard to see why. In many cases the woman who is used to doing the lion’s share might be freed of another child in terms of graft whereas the man might lose someone who does most of the cooking, cleaning, appointments, events, sorting kids, taxi driver etc. Knew one man who had never even bought his own clothes in 20 years. Agree it’s frustrating when a threat to harm self is made but sad part is it’s hard to ever be sure who might follow through and also shows maybe the level of suffering at that time… another daft observation in closing: why is it so many separated men opt to turn to drink and fire likes of Radiohead’s No Alarms and No Surprises on a loop? 🤷‍♀️

My ex did this.

But only if I told him his abuse gave me no reason to stay in the marriage and that I was leaving. Then he would threaten this.

I left. And he made suicide threats. I called the police to give him a welfare check. Told him in the end, after consulting with Samaritans for his threats, that ultimately if he felt this way it would not be my fault.

He would message me sever times after I left him, because that tactic had worked on me so many times before. It was a form of control for him, and I think he enjoyed seeing me rattled over his threats.

However, read up on suicidal ideation and passive one. If you fear he is planning on harm to himself, seek advise form Samaritans or the police. But ultimately, if you are leaving an abuser, this is a classic tactic to control you and make you stay.

This.

It's often seen with Cluster B personality disorders along with all the other traits listed there.

Plenty of women threaten to do this as well.

We are talking about the men who threaten it though. The reasons why are different for each group. Very different.

We’re not talking about women though.

The thread was started about men who threaten suicide to manipulate and control their partners into submission.

Ive known about 8 men who’ve done this in my friendship/family group. All abusive, nasty arseholes who do it to gain control of a situation that isn’t going their way.

Dont know any women who’ve done this funnily enough- women tend to be the victims on the other end of it.

So sick of every thread on here being infiltrated with “but what about women doing this too?” Just piss off!

Manipulative twats.

I was briefly dating someone for 2 months, I decided to end it as i was noticing some controlling tendencies. I drove home from his house and was getting tens of phone calls, when I got home I blocked him on WhatsApp and received messages and a video through messenger of him on a bridge, telling me the exact bridge he was on... How he had nothing to live for, it was all my fault etc. I work in mental health, so even though my initial reaction was to tell him to fuck off, I just couldn't, so I completely ignored him and called the police. The police got back to me a while later, they'd found him in bed asleep at his house, asking me what had happened as he'd told them I was a "slut." I told them that I had no idea, we'd dated literally a handful of times and I told him I didn't see it going any further. The next day I left a work meeting to loads of calls from a number I didn't recognise and a message from his mum(!) saying she was worried about me and could I let her know I'm okay. No idea why she'd be worried about me. The whole situation really bothered me, I think because of my job and because I have unfortunately worked with people who have ended their lives.

Many men do end their lives and it is so, so terrible. But unfortunately, as I have learned, some people do this as a way of consolidating their control.

My latest ex that I haven't fully shaken off is a suicidal person. He cheated on his ex. Became an alcoholic and stressed her out with women, money, job problems and addiction until one day she thought no more. 8 months after he moved out and overdosed. She saved him. He's said many times during our time together he feels like taking tablets etc. But I think he does it as a last desperate attempt to not loose a partner. Like when he's finally lost her and nothing is working. He gets all sad and sorry (for himself) but it's very manipulative.

@Gingerkittykat well done for getting away from that abusive bastard. It's a disgraceful thing to say to someone to try and manipulate them into continuing an unwanted and often abusive relationship. X

Get yourself as far away from this toxic person as possible. You are simply his latest victim.

Id bet anything the “she saved him” incident was carefully planned.

If someone wants to kill themselves that badly they could easily do it. Funny how these men who threaten suicide when their partner tries to leave are always stopped “just in time” usually by the victim they are seeking to control rushing to their aid.

I was with my friend when her dp was ringing over and over threatening to throw himself off a bridge when she discovered he’d been having an affair. Funny how when she said she’d leave my house to go and speak to him he calmed down and was sat in his living room 15 minutes later! He never did go through with his threats unfortunately- she’s still married to the twat.

This is a very good answer.

Some PPs nailed it when they say for some people it is emotional manipulation and its very common in abusers. But I also think a lot of men outsource their emotional life to their partners - all their relationships, activities, connection to family and friends goes through their partners, and often the partner also runs the other aspects of their life- bills, running the house, shopping for food, etc etc. So often the only area the man has which is not connected is his work. (Not condoning this, by the way, just reflecting what I see). So if their relationship breaks down, many men truly cannot see a way to cope and feel like they may as well be dead.

Timely. Thirty-one years ago today, my then partner committed suicide when I was pregnant with our son. We'd had a bit of a 'doo', but nothing really shouty or aggressive, though I was accused of cheating by him on the evening he died. Like I would, and less so when I'm pregnant, FGS. I just couldn't cope with him and the moods and the jealousy/accusations and said I'd go to my sisters overnight and he left the room. I went looking for him after having a chat on the phone with my sister and found him hanging from the bannisters. To this day, I don't think it was a suicide per se but a deliberate manipulation to stop me from going - but just didn't hear or find him in time.

So - IMO, I think a lot of people use it as a form of manipulation and sadly, it ends in their death. Horrible. 😩

I shouldn't, but I laughed when I read this as it's such a weak argument.

Let me tell you - given my profession and the case records I see, 82% of men in prison DESERVE to be there. These aren't one time offences for which they're 'unfairly' locked up - it's a string of often violent offences and a heap of DV in there too before they're finally locked up. They are there for a reason. Several reasons, actually. And will have had a string of convictions prior to which afforded them many, many opportunities to 'change' before they were incarcerated.

My emotionally abusive ex threatened this shit the day I finally chucked him out.

He had accompanied me to the funeral of a friend who had died by suicide the year previously, and I was even more angry that he could attempt to manipulate me knowing that.

Ultimate control tactic.

I was with someone who did this once. Told me over The phone that he was going to kill himself. I asked him (I was only 21 - quite proud of myself) if there was anyone he needed me to contact afterwards and to bring me his address book). He hung up. Appeared at mine with his address book 19 mins later. I took it and told him that I am sad it’s come to this but his life his choice and closed the door.
He‘s still very much alive. Though thankfully realised what an arsehole move it was and not done it since with anyone.

The way this question is phrased makes me feel uneasy...

It makes it seem like an idle threat for manipulation, when in actuality the suicide rate in men is three times what it is for women...

Some probably do use the threat as a tactic, but I suspect the majority are actually contemplating actually going through with it given the stats....