How do I make OLD work for me?

[Oldfailed]

I am a divorced mother of 2 in my mid 40s. Name changed since I post frequently on MN. I work in a fairly high pressure corporate job. After years of living separately from my ex husband, and with the divorce finally done, I registered on Hinge and Bumble, since i haven't managed to meet anyone IRL. I am looking for ideally a long-term relationship, or casual dates (not ONS) and have specified this on my profile

I have been on a few dates with people and, apart from 1 (who I see very infrequently and there is no real progress), I have drawn a blank on people I was interested in and who also wanted a second date. I'm not sure what the competition out there is - perhaps much better looking than me? I feel im quite presentable but a size 14 - so perhaps that is something that is a deal-breaker when they meet me - but then, why even bother with a first date?

I have met about 7 or 8 people in the past 3 months and it's the same everywhere.
I am clear about the fact that I have children, I'm not looking to remarry at all. I don't usually get reasons why not from these men - most will just ghost me, or offer something vague like "we are looking for different things" without any clarity on what it is they are looking for (this is one of the first question I ask when chatting online in any case). I am ruthless about filtering before i meet, and also don't have a lot of time.

I'm at my wits' end and this is really getting me down, battering my already fragile self-confidence. Is there a trick I am missing? From other MN threads it seems like men are falling over each other to date most other women posting on mumsnet. Definitely not the case with me. What would you do short of going off online dating and resigning myself to a lonely and sexless life?

@Bittenonce so intriguing. Did she have a hypothesis on why that specific profession is over represented? A bit of diversity would have been nice. Was there a specific one she tried? I see a few events on EventBrite

She tried a couple - thought they were all there because their mothers told them to go 😂

@Oldfailed i tried speed dating/singles nights. With both, there seemed lovely women looking to genuinely meet people, but just a strange load of men.

With speed dating, there really were a lot of gold teeth, drunks or painfully awkward men. This was in London/Piccadilly at clubs I'd been to as a teen but found myself there in my 40s for this type of event. If I ever did it again, I'd try a location more near the city or slightly out/cooler like Hoxton.

With singles nights, i found these nights were linked to meetup groups so did have a lot of people here who had come for a time from abroad to work and wanted to simply meet more people. Also, some nice shorter men who openly admitted they wouldn't get a look in online due to women filtering on height. Finally I found that you may get the odd person who was vaguely appealing but who used it as a serial dating place rather than anything serious. They knew they would easily pull due to the competition! The nights were more fun than speed dating as less pressure.

Thank you, @Realdeal1 looks like my enthusiasm to try speed dating next should be tempered with caution. I will look up singles' nights - esp if there are some targeting those over 40.

The hide of an elephant. Zero expectations. Strong boundaries