BF rarely walks beside me or hold my hand

[Hershel]

He has a habit of walking very fast, it feels like he is on a mission or a race even when there is no hurry.

I can walk fast if needed, and I am very punctual and like to be on time but if we are just going from A to B and can get there anytime, I can’t see the point of going too fast

The thing is: when he is in the walking fast mode he just darts ahead and I have to follow behind. Many times he is already on the other side of the road as he doesn’t wait for traffic lights and I have to wait for the traffic. So he stops to wait for me and once I get there, he darts again. Ugh.

Many times I ask him why he is going so fast, or why the hurry but there is no explanation. It seems like it happens more often in crowded areas which is when people should stick together even more in my opinion. Happens a lot in the tube stations too when it is full of people, it is like he is competing with all this people to get somewhere first.

The other day we were going for a celebration dinner and had a table booked so needed to get there on time. I suggested to meet there but he wanted to meet at his house.

We had plenty of time to get there so I thought it would be an easy relaxed journey.

As soon as we were on our way, he started going ahead of me and the worse, talking as well, so I can’t even understand what he was talking about and had to pick up my pace.

So I stopped him and explained that:

a) there was no rush and we had plenty of time to get there.
b) I had new boots on and I was on the final stages of breaking them so I didn’t want to walk too fast - also the boots were very heavy and I was getting used to them.

So he would walk beside me and then eventually dart again.

Over the course of the journey, except from when we were in the tube, he was way ahead of me and again when I caught up I stopped him and said ‘I asked you 4 times already to go slowly. I’m not sure if you are understanding what I’m saying, I can’t even talk to you as you are way ahead, do you want to text instead?’

So we came out of the tube and had another 10-15 minutes walk. He looked at the time and we were too early. He then starting to walk super slow but that was not because of me or my boots, it was because he didn’t want to arrive to early and ‘look like a moron’

He even stopped for the green lights before crossing when there were no cars coming in any direction just to kill time.
I told him we can sit at the bar and drink if the table is not ready, not a big deal.

Then we get there and he is stalling to get in as it is too early (about 30 minutes). I told him it is too early because he was rushing too much. We went in and the table was ready anyway and he was relieved.

Another thing - he never ever holds my hands. If I reach out and hold his hands he will do it but otherwise he won’t. I gave up already so we don’t even seem like a couple when out.

BTW, I know I shouldn’t use boots that are not yet perfectly comfortable but I didn’t realise it until I was half way to his house and since I knew we had plenty of time to get there, I didn’t turn back home to change shoes.

Been there and done that with various boyfriends I think you need to tell them that it’s rude to You are not from the culture where he’s got a harem and you’re behind him if he was trying to talk and you couldn’t hear him you need to shout that back or at least tell him to slow the fuck down and you want to hold his hands because this is not a partnership sometimes I think some people that walk fast don’t realise they’re doing it

However, it also shows that he’s not thinking of you and that he is only thinking of himself

Basically he’s just rude. Walk at your own pace and get there when you do. If he wants to go ahead, ignore him.

Some people are naturally fast walkers and it's quite difficult to slow your walking pace consistently - as soon as you stop thinking about it, you revert to your natural pace. If he's a decent BF in other respects, I think you should accept this as the way he is.

I don't think you need to hold hands in the street to seem like a couple.

Is he dismissive of you in other areas of life? He sounds impatient and rude. You asked him four times and he still continued like this? Not everyone will want to hold hands but not slowing down sounds like he is thoughtless when it comes to others. Repeatedly doing something I’ve asked him not to would be enough for me to call time on this. Sorry you’re in this position.

sometimes I think some people that walk fast don’t realise they’re doing it

And sometimes they do, just sayin'...

prob u r right because the two people that I can think of one of them was very self-centred

But what stood out to me on that day was that I had to ask him to slow down 4 freaking times in a space of about 45 minutes BUT when he thought he was going to look like a moron for getting there early then he suddenly could slow down to the point where it was just too slow and wait for the traffic lights on a completely empty and narrow road

I don’t see signs of him being self centered in other areas though

Also is it normal to feel inadequate if you show up early for a reservation or appt? I never feel bad when I’m early, I just wait if needed.

He sounds a bit thick to be honest.

This only gets worse when you have children and they don't know whether to follow daddy across the road or to wait. Maybe not an issue for you but it was stressful in my relationship. I would let him go ahead one time and if you get separated, just go off, do your own thing and if he's annoyed tell him you were calling out to him repeatedly to slow down. I would probably have one last clear conversation about it, sitting down at a different time away from the situation.

Are you sure he doesn't have ASD or ADHD, as it does sound somewhat like a combination of the two.

XH used to find it painful walking at my slower pace.

I just used to let him march off.

Thing is me and this guy we are only dating and we see each other once a week.
I’d think walking ahead when there is no need to is no way of having quality time

Also he is perfectly capable of walking alongside me sometimes, so it is no even a consistent trait

Like to.hold hands do understand u bring annoyed. The thing is he may not like holding hands. Walking ahead is rude.

Oh gosh, in that case I'd bin him off op. I dont buy that he's a bit thick. You've told him several times. So it's surely deliberate. Infact, it might even be that he doesn't want people to see you walking together as he is dating others/not single.

I noticed, walking alongside someone down the street on a date once that he suddenly stepped away from me, mid convo, as if we were not together and then half way down the street, acted as if it had never happened. It hot me curious and I did some digging. Sure enough, he had a girlfriend!

But if its not that then either he is saying 'I want to make it clear where you stand. It's constantly chasing after me whilst I treat you like shit'. Or he's in some way not neurotypical and ALSO rude af.

My ex did would do this. He always walked ahead of me and when we entered a store he would just veer off away from me and not say a word. No matter where we went he would just go walking off or walk ahead of me like I want even there. I like walking with a partner if we are walking together. I never felt like we were a couple when out and about.

Agree with others that you should just walk at your own pace.. let him carry on as he likes. If he tries to talk to you just ignore him until you are close and you can hear him easily. Don't bother trying to talk to him while he's ahead of you.

I think this is good advice but for someone already married, living together etc

He is a boyfriend, not even what I’d consider partner. When we are walking together we are on dates, not running errands

So I keep thinking what is the point of going on a date if he will walk ahead?

Also the example giving in the OP was for a celebration we were both looking forward and he killed the vibe already on the way there

I suggested we meet at the venue. Why want to meet at his house and walk ahead as soon as we are out?

I think I’m going to chalk it to imcompatibility. Maybe I’m pissed that I had to ask him to slow down not once or twice but 4 freaking times on that day and I explained about my boots but when we were close to the place and he thought he would look like a moron he was then capable of going slow

When I was in my twenties I had a friend who lived in London who used to do this. She knew her way round well, whereas I didn't live there, so didn't know where I was going. I remember bumping into people in Leicester Square once, and then winding myself when I walked straight into a bollard rushing to try and keep up with her. This was before mobile phones as well, so I used to panic when she did this, as if we lost each other there was no way of managing to find her.

Looking back on it, she wasn't a nice person, and we are no longer friends thank goodness.

I went on a weekend break last month with a female friend, close friend of many years though we generally communicate electronically.

She did that to me and I found it extremely rude. Dashing up the street ahead of me like we were in a 10k or something.

That and other behaviors really put me off. In your case it would be a relationship dealbreaker. Why doesn't he want to be near you?

Yep my ex h was the same with walking or cycling. Couldn’t walk or cycle side by side with me. He is diagnosed adhd

But this guy can walk side by side WHEN he wants to

And I see no signs of ADHD or ASD although I’m not an expert

Bin him. Sounds like a dickhead

My ex did this.
Not because of our walking paces, because I was faster than him.

It was cultural.
From very patriarchal society.
Narrow/no pavements and he would stride ahead.
He would also saunter through public doors without thanking the other person left holding it for him.
Most memorably, an elderly gentleman in the Doctors' surgery.
Mortifying 😳

I told him (off) every single time.

It's the reaction that's the issue rather than the pace. DH is 6'4 his stride is much longer than mine so even when he doesn't feel he is walking fast I have to to keep up, BUT when I say to him 'are you going somewhere' or 'i didn't realise we were racing ' etc he smiles or shakes his head, apologises and comes back and walks with me. He doesn't realise he's doing it but when it's pointed out he corrects it.

The hand holding thing is a preference, years ago a friend of mine saw us from a distance out in town and commented for ages how she thought it was sweet we held hands. I'd never really thought about it. It's less now because one of us is often holding DS' hand and 3 abreast gets in people's way.