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Original poster

BF rarely walks beside me or hold my hand

39 replies

Hershel · 29/12/2024 12:41

He has a habit of walking very fast, it feels like he is on a mission or a race even when there is no hurry.

I can walk fast if needed, and I am very punctual and like to be on time but if we are just going from A to B and can get there anytime, I can’t see the point of going too fast

The thing is: when he is in the walking fast mode he just darts ahead and I have to follow behind. Many times he is already on the other side of the road as he doesn’t wait for traffic lights and I have to wait for the traffic. So he stops to wait for me and once I get there, he darts again. Ugh.

Many times I ask him why he is going so fast, or why the hurry but there is no explanation. It seems like it happens more often in crowded areas which is when people should stick together even more in my opinion. Happens a lot in the tube stations too when it is full of people, it is like he is competing with all this people to get somewhere first.

The other day we were going for a celebration dinner and had a table booked so needed to get there on time. I suggested to meet there but he wanted to meet at his house.

We had plenty of time to get there so I thought it would be an easy relaxed journey.

As soon as we were on our way, he started going ahead of me and the worse, talking as well, so I can’t even understand what he was talking about and had to pick up my pace.

So I stopped him and explained that:

a) there was no rush and we had plenty of time to get there.
b) I had new boots on and I was on the final stages of breaking them so I didn’t want to walk too fast - also the boots were very heavy and I was getting used to them.

So he would walk beside me and then eventually dart again.

Over the course of the journey, except from when we were in the tube, he was way ahead of me and again when I caught up I stopped him and said ‘I asked you 4 times already to go slowly. I’m not sure if you are understanding what I’m saying, I can’t even talk to you as you are way ahead, do you want to text instead?’

So we came out of the tube and had another 10-15 minutes walk. He looked at the time and we were too early. He then starting to walk super slow but that was not because of me or my boots, it was because he didn’t want to arrive to early and ‘look like a moron’

He even stopped for the green lights before crossing when there were no cars coming in any direction just to kill time.
I told him we can sit at the bar and drink if the table is not ready, not a big deal.

Then we get there and he is stalling to get in as it is too early (about 30 minutes). I told him it is too early because he was rushing too much. We went in and the table was ready anyway and he was relieved.

Another thing - he never ever holds my hands. If I reach out and hold his hands he will do it but otherwise he won’t. I gave up already so we don’t even seem like a couple when out.

BTW, I know I shouldn’t use boots that are not yet perfectly comfortable but I didn’t realise it until I was half way to his house and since I knew we had plenty of time to get there, I didn’t turn back home to change shoes.

OP posts:

Ilovemycunt · 29/12/2024 15:29

Did you just want to vent or check you're reasonable? I have seen men have endless patience, slow their walk and do incredible things when they fancy the woman. It's lucky your lives isn't entwined yet so I'd just bin him because in my experience walking off like this usually mean he is selfish, inconsiderate and doesn't like you much.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/12/2024 16:41

My dad does this. He's a lovely man so I'm pretty sure it's not meant meanly.

My tactic, lose him. Especially anywhere crowded or somewhere he would worry. Look in shop windows, dawdle, wait. When he realises, gets a nasty shock, worries, it's much more effective than telling him off.

I did also wonder about ADHD for your BF because the time-blindness and going fast then slow rings a real bell.

RanchRat · 29/12/2024 17:06

He's a twat, If he dashes off turn round and go home, or bin him if preferred,

thejadestoneandthedragon · 29/12/2024 18:33

Hershel · 29/12/2024 14:01

Thing is me and this guy we are only dating and we see each other once a week.
I’d think walking ahead when there is no need to is no way of having quality time

Also he is perfectly capable of walking alongside me sometimes, so it is no even a consistent trait

Show quote history

I'm sorry OP, but from personal experience this was a red flag for a guy that didn't want to be seen with other women because he was actually seeing other women or didn't want to be seen as 'unavailable' in case a better offer came along!
And you're only casually dating atm?

I hope I'm wrong😔 just telling you my experience, I hope it all works out 🩷

unclemtty · 29/12/2024 20:20

AlexanderArnold · 29/12/2024 13:41

This only gets worse when you have children and they don't know whether to follow daddy across the road or to wait. Maybe not an issue for you but it was stressful in my relationship. I would let him go ahead one time and if you get separated, just go off, do your own thing and if he's annoyed tell him you were calling out to him repeatedly to slow down. I would probably have one last clear conversation about it, sitting down at a different time away from the situation.

God yeah.
And if you have children guess who has to gather up all the stuff and the kids and the bags and the buggy and try and get out of the door with no help.
Not him, he's shot off with his hands in his pockets without a care in the world except to shout at you when you finally get going.

Bin him off. He clearly does not care about you. I have ADHD and I hate slow walkers, but I've never ever done this to any of my family/friends/partners because I enjoy walking along side them and sharing time with them.

Original poster

Hershel · 03/01/2025 14:11

Just came accross this

BF rarely walks beside me or hold my hand

OP posts:

Radiatorbasket · 03/01/2025 14:17

You sound quite annoying to be honest and an overthinker

Original poster

Hershel · 03/01/2025 14:25

Radiatorbasket · 03/01/2025 14:17

You sound quite annoying to be honest and an overthinker

and you sound like a bully

OP posts:

Onlyvisiting · 03/01/2025 14:26

I'm my inexpert opinion he is either a dickhead or ADHD (could be both of course 😅) time blindness is a thing, and it is really stressful as you are constantly worried about being late and rushing, or get it wrong and are stupidly early.
Have you walked anywhere with him when you aren't going somewhere? Like a leisurely stroll or a hike somewhere where the walk is the purpose?
I mean, whatever the reason he isn't hearing you when you tell him, so I'd maybe consider a more direct 'please walk beside me and not in front of me, I can't have a proper conversation with you and it's rude' (and if you do offer to hold hands and else does- does he walk at your speed then or start dragging you along?)
And if he still doesn't make an effort to change then give up, if he can't be on neat behaviour when you are only dating he'd be awful to live with!

hideawayforever · 03/01/2025 14:31

YesExactlyYes · 29/12/2024 12:46

Some people are naturally fast walkers and it's quite difficult to slow your walking pace consistently - as soon as you stop thinking about it, you revert to your natural pace. If he's a decent BF in other respects, I think you should accept this as the way he is.

I don't think you need to hold hands in the street to seem like a couple.

Definitely this, I feel like im walking at a snails pace when walking with my husband, although I do try my best to go at his pace I keep finding myself ahead of him, then having to stop to wait for him.

Original poster

Hershel · 03/01/2025 14:32

Onlyvisiting · 03/01/2025 14:26

Yes I have walked with him where he stayed beside me so in this occasion he chose not to

We had plenty of time and he never mentioned having trouble managing time so I don’t think it is an issue

OP posts:

myhundredk · 03/01/2025 14:33

My husband always walks faster than me and would end up miles ahead of me if we weren't holding hands. He always holds my hand which means we kind of regulate our walking pace to a comfortable halfway of his quickness and my slowness. I never have to ask though, he automatically does it and has done since our first date back in our 20s (in our 40s now). With your boyfriend it could be utter thoughtlessness, or could be adhd or something else. Talk to him about it and reiterate how important this is to you. I did have a boyfriend in my early 20s who never held my hand and actively walked faster so he didn't have to- thank goodness that relationship didn't work out!

Onlyvisiting · 03/01/2025 14:39

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/12/2024 16:41

My dad does this. He's a lovely man so I'm pretty sure it's not meant meanly.

I did also wonder about ADHD for your BF because the time-blindness and going fast then slow rings a real bell.

I do that with my dogs when they are buggering off and not paying attention 🤣🤣

username299 · 03/01/2025 14:43

This drives me mad. My sister does this. Once we were going on a walk along a canal and she had us overtaking everyone.

I had a bf who did this and he would drag me along like a toddler. Once I twisted my ankle as I was wearing heels.

I had a friend who would sprint everywhere. We'd leave somewhere and she'd be a dot in the distance.

I wouldn't accept it and would ask him to slow down. If he doesn't, I'd finish the relationship and find someone who actually wants to talk and walk at a normal pace.

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