Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Husband anger on his birthday

65 replies

JaneSR · 26/12/2024 21:30

I just need to vent - husbands birthday - from the moment he woke up has just been awful. I booked a holiday (overseas where he loves!) as his birthday surprise and got a few more gimmicky presents so he had more to open - he went nuts calling them
all rubbish. Every year we go theatre - this year a few weeks ago he mentioned sport he enjoys was on the same day. Had a big conversation at that time about cancelling theatre - he said no and that he wanted to go theatre. Angry this morning as he said I knew he really wanted to go sport match and hated theatre!! Then snapped and aggressive all day ruining it for us all. On top of this telling me how bored he is, complaining in restaurant , snapping and shouting at me for everything, pulled down birthday decorations I put up and then sat on sofa moaning!! Openly telling daughter that I have ruined it all! I had nothing for my birthday and not even a night out! He gets an expensive holiday and an expensive day out and does this!! 😢😢 Same every year!! Really upset

OP posts:

PortiasBiscuit · 27/12/2024 08:43

You can’t buy love and respect, time you gave up trying OP.

TinyMouseTheatre · 27/12/2024 08:48

JaneSR · 27/12/2024 07:34

My daughter adores him and sees me as the issue - she goes as far as saying she hates me and never wants to be with me.

How old is your DD?

littlemissprosseco · 27/12/2024 08:53

You need some support too.
Do you have family or friends nearby?

Tumbler2121 · 27/12/2024 09:21

Please go on the holiday alone or with a friend.
If the holiday is not this week, then book one today and go.

Don't try to fix it with your daughter yet. Let her find out for herself that everything isn't your fault.

Original poster

JaneSR · 27/12/2024 10:06

Thank you all. My DD is 13.

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 27/12/2024 10:10

He’s like this all year round right?

Your daughter is simply copying his behaviour.

littlemissprosseco · 27/12/2024 11:33

She will eventually see him for what he really is, give her time. Until then, show her you are strong, capable and able to stand up to him.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/12/2024 11:40

What do you get out of this relationship now?

Your daughter is indeed copying him as well as he providing her the blueprint for men going forward. She is copying him so as to avoid being his target. She fears him on some level.

She could all too easily end up with an abuser like her dad particularly if you do not act decisively to end your abusive marriage.

You have a choice re this man, your daughter does not.

tinytemper66 · 27/12/2024 12:59

So what did you do? I would have gone to the theatre in my own and left him to sulk like the man child he is. What a twat!

CC222 · 27/12/2024 14:30

The sooner you can leave this abusive man and put some distance between his toxic behaviour with your daughter, the better.
Time to move on and heal, both yourself and the damage he has done in your relationship with your daughter. You can turn things around, but not while he is still in your household...
Don't waste anymore time, gain back control of your home and your family, away from this absolutely awful abusive pig

Pinkbonbon · 27/12/2024 14:35

At 13, he will start abusing her soon too. Get divorced ASAP and get a safe home for you and her. She may choose to stay with her dad in the beginning but just make it clear 'your dad is abusive so I left him, I wish I'd done so years ago' and 'my door is always open if you want to stay here'.

StarCourt · 27/12/2024 14:48

He will def start abusing your daughter too she just doesn't know it yet

DemelzaandRoss · 27/12/2024 14:56

Sorry you have to put up with this awful behaviour.
As other posters have said your DH is most probably narcissistic. Could be the covert type, they are pleasant to everyone else but ruin their partner’s birthdays, anniversaries, Xmas etc. They only get worse.
Don’t make this your life, think of the future..

teenmaw · 27/12/2024 23:50

Op I've been in your situation and my dd lived with him for the best part of a year. His true colours showed in the end and she now happily lives with me and barely sees her dad. He will already be doing unseen damage to your daughter you need to take the leap now and get her away before he doubles down on the manipulation. First priority is a separation Agreement that sets something out that you daughter will be with you part of the time and tell her that's what's happening. Hopefully the dad days will be minimal or half at the most. If you give too much leeway that's when they swoop in to take them in full time.

DorothyStorm · 27/12/2024 23:53

I had nothing for my birthday and not even a night out! He gets an expensive holiday and an expensive day out and does this!! 😢😢 Same every year!! Really upset
why? Why would you do this? And if it is the same every year, why do the same again? It doesnt make any damn sense.

Flip

1 2 3