I think I'm being cheated on

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Just that - has suspicions for a while but over the last day or so i've found out a few things to do with internet history and places visited that have made nearly certain. I feel absolutely sick and heartbroken and total fool. I don't know how sure I need to be before I confront them as I don't want I be wrong but sadly I feel I'm right

So sorry you’re going through this. Are you certain you have enough evidence? Is there any way that it could mean something else? Why are you so sure?

Will need to be vague as this could be outing but it's to do with recent internet searches about how to get out the house, lying about going somewhere and over mentioning a certain person but in a way that makes anyone else think it was just an everyday mention

I don't think I could - I just want them to respect enough to tell me the truth - I'm trying so hard not to spiral

You mean like how to disable the ring doorbell?

Tbh if its got to this stage then I think the relationship is done anyway.

Yes to avoid arousing suspicion by going out at a time I wouldn't expect them to go out

I feel awful and feel terrible for my kids - we've done nothing to deserve this

Confront him - unless he’s a liar at expert level, you’ll know from his reaction.

My experience of having 2 H who have both cheated, is that you will never ever get the truth. You will be repeatedly lied to, dismissed and made to feel like you are the problem.

You can either confront him but you will be lied to, or somehow set it up to catch him out. Both will hurt you. Both are awful but your gut instinct is rarely wrong.

Do not use a tracker. Terrible advice. Apart from anything else it's illegal to track someone without their consent and can get you into a lot of trouble.

This was my ex husbands give away - he kept going to the shop or fill the car up at 9 o’clock at night.

even my neighbour noticed it

Id check his watsap and he would be online

If I could do it over I’d have 100% put a tracker on his car - just so I could catch him out and avoid the gas lighting and lies - that actually hurt the most

@Clocksprings I know it can get people into hot water because my ex-h did it to me. He ended up on police bail and with a restraining order put on him. Stalking and coercive control (which he was arrested for) are not taken lightly. There is never justification for tracking another adult illegally. If it's got to that stage the relationship is over anyway.

I'm not going to track I just can't I wouldn't want it done to me (but tbf I've done nothing wrong) I will just need to go with my gut - I actually think the cheating is new but has been brewing for years

I feel like shit which is putting it mildly - face on for the kids though.

Nothing wrong with a tracker. It just fell out of your suitcase in to the boot is all that happened…

It's horrific. Light having your insides ripped out, your confidence trampled on and your self worth set alight.

That's where I am right now less than a month in and for some stupid reason IM the one saying I want him back?!

What in the trauma bond hell is this?!

@coldcallerbaiter everything wrong with a tracker. If you've gone to the extent of tracking your partner (and they are an adult partner, not a child, dog or a possession) and you subsequently find out they've not cheated, the relationship is over anyway because if or when they find out, they are going to be furious and justifiably so.

If they are cheating and you "catch" them you're no better off than you were before.

If the trust is gone to the point where you are considering those extremes, end the relationship. It's clearly not working. Catching a cheating DH is not going to get you a better divorce settlement.

Ans exactly how would a conviction help you? It's illegal to track some one, honestly sometimes I do wonder about people!

Wow, encouraging illegal activities 🤦‍♀️

First of all, you will never be 100% certain unless he admits to everything - unlikely as he will probably lie, gaslight you and make you out to be unhinged/aggressive/impossible to live with in this state, etc, etc. You could well become the villain instead of the victim. I know, I've been there. I have no advice except to make sure that you know exactly what you want the outcome of a talk to be if you're totally convinced of his innocence. Living with doubt eats away at you. Good luck x

3 months into this, sending you strength. "D"H owned up but I'm sure I know only a fraction of it.
No advice, just i hope you are OK- it's so hard