Estranged / Stranged Xmas

[Gaslitbygynae]

Anyone else at this time of year?

I sobbed ugly tears this afternoon feeling so alone. I know families are complicated and challenging. But having none at all is lonely.

i'm the same.

it's just a shitty time of year tbh. i am actually excited about january as it means christmas is definitely over. also i wish that christmas was once every four years like leap year.

i thought i would be brave this year and not cry but i've failed miserably at that although i have hoovered. tiny wins.

Well good to cry with a hoovered house?!

But in seriousness. I hear you. Something so sharp and raw in the loss / gap / missing part of life.

You're important ❤️

Yeah. I love Christmas and I thankfully have an amazing son and husband and parents to share it with but my maternal grandmother and aunts put such a dampener on it. I am viewed by them as having broke up the family when in reality I just cut my aunt because her actions really really hurt me

We've no contact with our families. It's just us and while it's sad at times like this. We know that in the long run it's better for us and our child. These people cannot be proper family , decent loving people. Instead they are toxic and abusive and we can't tolerate that

❤️❤️ it is so hard.

What will Xmas day for you?

@Gaslitbygynae i feel like the band playing on the titanic tbh.

and i don't even like gavin and stacey.

i hope you have an okay day tomorrow and i'll be thinking of you :O)

Ha I've never watched G and S so I just don't get it haha.

I've had some wine and some chocolate

I've listened to some sad songs.

Wishing you some festive cheer / love for 2025

I don't think about it much throughout the year but Christmas always brings it to the forefront of my mind. Sad for all involved.

there's a crackingly awful programme about tiktoks on itv at the moment. i sniff out the most shit tv so i am patting myself on the non-christmassy back for sitting through it tbh.

feliz navi etc etc!!

I wonder if they think of us and how it could have been different. I'm sure they do.

Reminds me of the Bob Dylan song - most of the time (not that I like BD)

'Most of the time, i wouldn't change it if I could. I can make it all match up, I can hold my own, deal with situations, right down to the bone. I can handle whatever, I stumble upon, I don't even notice, she's gone. Most of the time'

(Replace she's with 'they're'...)

@sweatervest wow a show about TikTok. That sounds truly terrible - felicitations!

Every year I have a little cry. I try really hard, but but my sibs couldn’t give a monkey’s or just make everything worse. I’ve been peacemaker for so many years. I get stuck with my difficult DM and they get to pretend we don’t exist or that they are the hard done by party.

But I have broken the cycle with my kids. So there’s that.

Well done @SensibleSigma

That's no easy feat. Sending love

i always think that if it was christmas in july i'd feel loads better about the festiveness. but it turns out that the rest of the world isn't interested in my july christmas manifesto.

i will be thinking of you all tomorrow and LGTTD. which means let's get through the day. and i was hoping for a catchier acronym but i can't. IASAA. which means i am shit at acronyms tbh

I wonder if they think of us

I'm fairly positive that she doesn't think of me even a tiny wee bit. Well except for when she's using the voodoo doll 😂

I'm in the same boat. I've been no contact with my father for 35 years, low contact with my mother for 25 and I live on the other side of the world from her - deliberate move on my part. I have no family in the UK.

My partner's mother died 18 months ago, he's an only child. I totally understood my partner spending last Christmas with his father, but his father has emotionally blackmailed him into doing so again this year...even though his father has many siblings and relatives he could (and was invited to) spend the day with. My partner (of 15 years) and I haven't had Christmas Day together since 2019!

So yeah, tears have been shed today and they probably will be tomorrow as well. Partner and I don't live together - he works 200 miles away - and while I am fine being on my own, I think I had earned not to be this year. I am also reminding myself constantly that it's just one stupid day!

@sweatervest I love an awful acronym. Too marks!

@FreeRider that's rough, I'm sorry.

I think comparison and the sense that it's meant to be 'family' is the kicker at Xmas.

I quite like the July Christmanifesto.

I'm about to - hopefully - slouch onto sofa with wine and cheese and watch trash. How's everyone else?

I think they do but they think it's all your fault. The reason they think that way is part the reason people are NC with them ( no accountability or apologies for ongoing abusive behaviour in most cases)

Only those in a NC situation completely understand how much you tolerate to get to that stage. We also recognize that they're never going to see the part they played in it.

Another Christmas is upon us, how are you all this year?

I know how you feel. A friend this am popped a present through the letter box and didn't stop to ring the doorbell. However it is just 1 day. The New Year is just around the corner. New Year, New Start. Leave the rubbish from this year behind you. Lots of stuff on the television to get lost in. No doubt there will be a Morecambe and Wise on at least 1 Channel. If the weather is good go out for a walk. Hope things pick up for you and Happy New Year

I've managed not to think about them much at all this year (only my 2nd year of estrangement) up until November when the annual 'envelope of guilt' arrived, birthday and Christmas cards for us all, heavily laced with passive aggression/guilt tripping. I can be a bit masochistic and can never resist opening it although I know I should just bin it without looking. Spending Christmas with in-laws so we're not alone but it feels oddly lonely for me nonetheless. Have zero Christmas spirit, haven't even put a tree up this year, doing a buffet at pils rather than Christmas dinner, just can't be arsed with any of it tbh. Am thinking as soon as it's just me and DH to think about in years to come we'll just go away somewhere sunny and avoid it altogether.

Thanks for resurrecting. Envelope of guilt sounds a bit much - hope you managed to put Ito the bin eventually.

This year I am trying to lean into small moments of peace and joy (however fleeting). Last night I fell asleep listening to an audio book which was nice.

I’ve also enjoyed some time with ‘chosen’ family (friends) in last few weeks. They are all now doing their family things

will watch Hercules poirots Christmas - good fun, but also Hercule doesn’t have family, and in this episode visits a totally horrible dysfunctional posh family. So somewhat apt!

I've been NC for years now but I'm feeling quite conflicted this year for reasons I can't go into on here.

Also feeling pretty rough today due to family issues. This time of year puts it right in your face. Hope you’re all OK xx

Yeah, it certainly does. I'm not upset or anything like that, sort of feeling a bit sorry for her as she is missing out on things.

Hope you're doing ok too x