Estranged / Stranged Xmas

[Gaslitbygynae]

Anyone else at this time of year?

I sobbed ugly tears this afternoon feeling so alone. I know families are complicated and challenging. But having none at all is lonely.

I'm NC with my remaining living family (two members). I have no partner, other parent or siblings, or children. I do, however, have several childless friends, and haven't spent a Christmas alone, although have had a couple where I've spent half of the day alone (don't like it!).
October time is a bit angst-driven, wondering if I'll spend it alone. I kind of don't like inviting people, because I don't want them to feel obligated ('poor Desmo will be alone if we don't accept her invitation'). Although, this year, arranged Christmas at my house with some relatively new friends. I didn't invite two of my good friends (a couple) as they offered to come last year, and we spent the day together, along with my neighbours; they didn't offer this year, so I assumed they'd like to spend Christmas by themselves, but it came up in conversation when inviting them to join us for morning drinks, and it turns out they didn't ask as they didn't want ME to feel obligated, two years in a row, and they'd love to come. 😂 They're now coming for the whole day.
As I write this, I have a friend sleeping upstairs - she came over last night and we had a lovely evening preparing bread sauce and gravy etc.
There'll be six of us for lunch, and another three popping in for morning drinks.
Not having family does mean I've put effort into cultivating good friendships, and I suppose I've gravitated to people in similar family positions, as there's an understanding.
I honestly barely think about my family, and when I do, it's in past tense. My life is better without them in it.
My friends are my family, and I still love Christmas.