Anyone else out there facing their first Xmas alone without a partner because of infidelity or because they're shit?

[ICanBuyMyOwnFlowers]

Just thought I'd ask. After 33 years of being together (26 years of marriage) and 4 kids together my (stbx)H informed me of his new relationship and his lack of regret. Anyone who thinks this sounds familiar, yes I've posted before but my ex is trying to follow my social media and has his solicitor claiming defamation so I need to change my handle regularly. Anyway back to the thread. Anyone else scared shitless? The ex has buggered off to Asia to have a holiday instead of facing his kids on Xmas day. Luckily, for them, they are my world and there is no way I could just abandon them but it really feels like Wham's Last Xmas and Elvis's Blue Xmas is permanently on the radio and everywhere I look are happy and whole families. I just wondered if there were others out there who needed a thread for support through this 'happy' time?

Ugh, because their partner is shit!!!

It’s tough. Just be kind to yourself. Why are you scared?

You do know that not everyone around you will be happy. Lots of people put on a show. As around half of all marriages end in divorce I’m sure there will be just as many unhappy couples as happy ones.

Not me but I’m supporting two people who have been dumped. My lovely friend who was left after 30 years. He had an affair and went off with a woman a decade younger. He was actually my original friend but he is now but a smear on a toilet bowl as far as I’m concerned and I’m supporting his wife.

Plus my DS has broken up with his GF, a big shock she had been flirting with a colleague via WhatsApp which he saw when a dodgy msg flashed up. No kids and still very young but poor lad is so upset.

Me. I'm facing my first Christmas without stbxh and with no discussion at all he has invited our two late teens to Christmas Day at his and they're going.

To be fair, I'm pretty glad to be rid of him, but it's still tough. I know what you mean about the songs. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm better off without him.

It's my first since divorced but second since we split. His first with his new woman who he's introducing to our kids on Christmas Day. But hasn't told them all. Twat.

I am concerned that you're shit scared. Why? What are you scared about as that is a very odd and unnecessary emotion.

you have 4 kids but will be alone?

Second Xmas without ex and couldn’t be happier. Not scared at all. Actually I am sery thinking of sending his mistress a “Thank you” card for helping me getting rid of him.
Having the time of my life with friends and family ❤️

Exh left on the 4th January so yep, wishing the next couple of weeks away! I have zero festive spirit.

I am on my own for the first time in 32 years. I ended the relationship though so am completely joyous about it. Don't be scared, you have your lovely children.

Because I’ve always put so much effort into Xmas being a family time. Yes I know I have 4 kids but I have a very demanding mum and have always told my kids to do what they want/follow their dreams and, importantly, NOT worry about me. I want my kids to grow up, leave home and not be burdened by having to worry about me. This comes from having an incredibly narcissistic mother. Agreed I’m not alone etc, but I don’t want to be a burden to my kids!!! I’ve always wanted them to feel free to leave the family nest and not be held back by my wants/wishes.
Naturally they dont agree with my perspective etc. But my own parents went through a horrible divorce and I ended up looking after my mother. I don’t want that for my kids, so yes…. I scared.

It’s just me and the kids every Xmas. I’m use to it (no family)

Mine informed me on my birthday in June! How are you feeling/doing? Still upset, myself, haven’t gained fury. I wonder if angry will feel easier

Me 👋

My H of 14 years left me in July. Utterly blindsided by it, I’ve never been so shocked by anything in my life.

I have definitely been through anger, actually still in it really.

He told our kids (7 and 4) that he would be here for Christmas, and I haven’t had the heart/capacity to deny them that so we will all be together for the day. He is still sofa surfing so comes here regularly to see the kids (which I HATE and will be addressing in the new year).

I'm going with what a good friend suggested - I’m aiming for a forgettable Christmas. Nothing stand out, but also trying my best to make it not full of anger and tension. If the kids grow up and this Christmas blurs into all the rest I’ll have done all I can.

He told you on your birthday. Your ex-DH sounds like a real charmer.

Wait until it all goes tits up and he tries to come crawling back.

I hope you manage to have a lovely Christmas 💐

Third Christmas without mine. The first was horrendous because I divorced him reluctantly. I knew, deep down, that I had to but no way did I want it. He was emotionally able and threatened me constantly with divorce. I gave it to him.

It gets easier but for you it’s very early days. Be kind and gentle with yourself. It’s really just one day. And know @ICanBuyMyOwnFlowers, that one day, you’ll look back and be certain you can move forward from this trauma.

Emotionally LABILE!!! 🤦‍♀️

I’ve technically been in a relationship 5 christmases, our first one we were together 10 days and I woke up there and went to bed there. The second one I was at my mums with our 12 day old baby girl. 3rd one I was at my sisters and 4th I was at home but did the unwrapping down at my mums. 5th one I’m going to be staying at my mums and waking up there and whether he comes to join us that morning is on him. He is a shit person and a miserable moody all about me kind of guy so I don’t need that negativity in my day. Which is why I’ve not sacrificed the lens since being a parent to his child with just his miserable ass. So you’re not on your own! I hope you have a nice enough day and can move forward and create more magic for yourself in years to come

I told H today (after 2.5 years of trying to make things work) that it's over and he needs to look to move out after DD's exams. This isn't a new conversation and I had planned to have it in January, but everything came to a head today. Plus, he just conveniently forgets the situation because ehe doesn't want to leave. I was exceptionally direct and clear today though, and we talked about everything.

It was a very sad but positive conversation, but this will be our last Christmas as a whole family, I guess.

Intrigued as to how I will feel come next Christmas.

Good luck to all of you.

Well I've been informed that soon to be ex will be going to Paris with the Mistress for Christmas day. I will be with my ill mother.

Children are grown up and I am not particularly sentimental about Christmas, but it feels shit hy comparison, especially when I think of them holed up in some cosy hotel together. Bastard.

This will be my first Xmas alone. We separated a few years ago but this is the first year we finally aren't living together. The kids will wake up with me on Xmas morning but will then go with dad to his families for Xmas lunch. I'll then see them again a few days later.
I don't have any family close so each xmas day when I don't have the kids I will be on my own. I don't think he gets that if he doesn't have the kids, he will just go to his family's. Because they are so close he is never really alone in the same way.
I'm not feeling remotely festive, I can't wait for it to be over.
But I have to stay upbeat for the kids (as one of them was born on Xmas eve so it's supposed to be a really joyful time)

I've never been angry - it's infuriating!! Been doing ok up until now. I used to love Christmas but he's really taken that from me (he first let slip something was wrong on the 10th December but didn't leave until the 4th Jan so last Christmas was horrific. OW of course).

Have you read the book Runaway Husbands? It's fascinating, particularly about them doing things on important dates.

I'm going to my dad's tomorrow but would quite like to hunker down in bed instead. Hope you can find a smidge of food Christmas cheer x

OP, I'm in a similar position to you, but a couple of years forward. I actually ended things because I just couldn't cope any more.

Dcs are with me, exh is, I think, with his new girlfriend. Same as you, I've encouraged their independence for similar reasons to you.

What I will say is that it will be okay. I had to fake it a bit for the first couple of years, but this year I have a lovely calm Christmas planned. We're doing our usual family traditions, but without the stress we used to have. Dcs then fit in their own lives, and I have friends I see.

I get the scared feeling, but it's fine, I promise.

I still don't get why yo7 are scared. You don't want to end up like your mother so don't. You have agency..

Why wait until after exams? If your Dd knows things are bad it would be better if he went ASAP so she can focus on studying. Pretending all is well just means the last Christmas is a bad memory.

@2025willbemytime it's just what we decided. It isn't easy to find somewhere to live here (not based in the UK) and we are not at each others throats. There is a lot of sadness and we are both determined to keep it together.

Of course, if things deteriorate, then we will have to rethink but for the moment it works well for both of us. (I also have exams coming up in March and need to study/focus a lot)