Sister accidentally insulted me. Need help to recover

[Ittakeslonger]

Help please! I need to recover quickly from an accidental insult from my sister. I'm visiting my very elderly mum and sister who live together. My sister is exhausted from caring for my mum. She's very down and at her limit. We had finished a large dinner and was cleaning up the kitchen together. She sighed patted her stomach and then exclaimed ' it's almost as fat as yours' . I said Oh! I'm going to need a moment to absorb that one!' she started saying that she's an exercise teacher (so am I part time) and so she shouldn't have a big stomach. I have put on a lot of weight recently, probably because of a health problem and also because my life is stressful (although not as much as my sister's). I needed to just process this insult quickly and not let it impact my self esteem as I need to help out and be sunny for my mum and my son who's with me ( and who struggles with his mental health). Any nice comments or advice please that might help me feel better about myself please ( apart from pull yourself together!). Thank you ❤️

That wasn't an accident.

My advice is to think to yourself "fuck her"

Doesn't sound very accidental to me

You sound kind and forgiving, someone who looks to the positive. Wonderful traits.

You've already explained that the circumstances are stressful — I'm sure your sister didn't mean anything unkind. Perhaps remind yourself of nice things she's said and done too.

When I feel overweight (my DP just said, trying to be romantic, that my bottom is like the rising sun!!) I remind myself that weight fluctuates and that it's winter, time to be fuller, then soon I'll be exercising more again.

She’s your sister, as in family. She can tell you things a friend can’t.

Is this a complete one off or is she prone to acerbic comments? If the former, then I really would put it down to stress and tiredness. Is there though a part of her that resents her caring duties for your mother? Obviously I don't know the background to any of this.

Just concentrate on other things. You agree your tummy is bigger than usual, possibly due to illness

So it’s a tactless comment rather than an intentional targeted insult.

Concentrate on the good stuff, the support she’s able to give your mum, and the support you can give them both during your visit.

And be glad you get to go home after the visit!

I hope your health issue turns out to be easily resolved. That’s more important than the cosmetic issues.

It should make you both proud that you care for I’ll family members; that should boost your self esteem. Your sister in particular appears to be going through a low period of self esteem as she’s burnt out and feels her flat tummy is the only thing good/worthy thing about her. If she loses that she feels she’ll have nothing.

If it's any consolation I've been asked at least three times in my life if I'm pregnant when I haven't been. Does she realize that she was rude or does she usually operate without a filter?

A fart is accidental, this insult was deliberate.

Not sure what you mean by 'absorbing' and 'processing', it sounds like very robotic emotionless therapist speak??

It's absolutely fine to have and to show emotions, they're what makes us human.

You're deeply hurt and bloody annoyed, so quietly tell her.

I think your sister was saying what she thinks, and it’s not nice.
But please consider was her point valid?
I’ve got to bite my tongue wrt to my dd. She has been putting on a lot of weight, but I can’t say anything as she’d be very offended.

Hahaha

Do you divvy up the caring for your mother?

Or is this a reverse?

Tell your sister you didnt appreciate her shitty comment about your body.

Why should she make nasty comments at your expense.

We are not sensitive about stuff like this in our family but we have all been fat and obese at some point in our lives.

We all yo yo.

If you have a fat belly you have a fat belly. Don’t take it to heart accept it for the what it is. A flippant comment about fat bellies.

Does she feel bad about what she said @Ittakeslonger and has she apologised (as well as attempt to deflect) ?

Perhaps she needs some help caring for your mother.

I suspect this is at the bottom of this. She's worn out and fed up and lashing out. Maybe that's where you should look...

Just a jokey comment between sisters and you admit you (and she) are a bit porky round the middle, just laugh about it together. Not a big deal, unless she knows you are very touchy about your weight and it was a real dig.

You don't need strangers on the internet to stroke your ego after a mild sisterly comment.

Instead of taking offense you should have just said "I know, it's annoying but I've been on a new medication / have a mild health issue and can't wait to get back to my normal self." Then flickered her with a tea towel like all good siblings do and carry on clearing up

Thank her from the bottom of your heart for doing the caring.

And examine your internalised distaste for people carrying weight as it's really rude and as you say you have no idea of what goes on in people's lives. Bigger, smaller, slimmer, fatter, none of these things define you and your worth.

Plus you'd not survive 5 mins with my sister, who has been known to exclaim "I don't know how you manage..."

You don't need strangers on the internet to stroke your ego after a mild sisterly comment.

This. How much processing does something like this really need? Laugh it off, do something positive about it or pick her up on it. It's not worth dwelling on and making into something it's not.

What’s the caring split between you and your sister for your DM @Ittakeslonger ? She may be so exhausted that tact has gone out of the window, she may also be trying to wound you if she feels she’s doing more than you - I suspect the latter may be the case if she’s your mums carer