DH sulking saying I’m withholding sex

[ShiningSeren]

We haven’t had sex for a long time and I struggle due to historical name calling from DH, awful threats of violence , awful accusations about my parenting and even saying he wished I was dead a couple of times. Told him that I now have a block when it comes to physical affection and sex due to the way he’s treated me. That I can’t forget the things he’s said and done and how it broke something in our marriage.

His response - grow up! These are just thoughts in my head. I need intense counselling due to my issues, it’s lunacy and I act like I’m a star in some bad Netflix drama.

He has needs too and I’m not thinking of him at all. He deserves better. Etc.

One of you deserves WAY better.

Clue: it's not him.

Damn right

Are you his prisoner? Hope there are no children in this diabolical marriage.

I can't even envisage a scenario of having sex with someone who has actually said they wanted me dead. How could you put yourself in the vulnerable position of having sex with such a man.
Why are you still in a marriage with this abusive man OP?

How soon can you divorce?

Why are you even with this man?

Can you make plans to leave him OP?

Hoping soon but stuck for a while unfortunately until I sort everything out so I can leave. But he’s expecting sex and affection in the meantime.

He can expect all he likes, he can fuck himself if he needs it so badly

Why are you stuck? Maybe we can help with advice and resources.
He doesn’t sound like a safe person to be around.

Unfortunately stuck until I find a place to live which might take a while - I’m applying for rented properties and some housing association properties in the mean time.

Don’t accept any drinks or food from him.

He sounds like a psycho in his own Netflix thriller!

I would be paranoid he is drugging the tea and coffee in the cupboards.

Affection or just sex?!

What a twat. Why can't you leave yet? It's not a dig, by the way, but if you explain whatever is holding you back, other posters might be able to offer some advice on how to overcome.

We’ve got kids, one with SN and I’d have no-where to go unfortunately. DH said that this time (I’ve finished with him before) I would be the one to leave and not him, there’s always a spare room in my parents house he says.

Keep on with the property searches op, make leaving this piece of shit an absolute priority.
Keep yourself safe.
Tell him you absolutely don’t find him in any way attractive so there is zero chance if you every shagging him.

Both affection and sex but the pressure while I wait to be able to leave and the sulking is unbearable. But I’ve got to act normal-ish while I put together my plan. It’s difficult.

I’ve sort of agreed with him that yes, I do need counselling and I am going to work on the block I feel towards him when I find a therapist. I’m buying time really.

And a spare room in your dps isn't a better option why?
Because I can't see how you won't better off.. Pack up your things. And paperwork.. Claim UC and associated benefits you may be entitled to and claim cms.. Call Womens Aid. You aren't safe under the same roof as him. As a side note Royal Mail redirection is free if you are fleeing dv.. Which if not yet may end up so.

He did say he’s grown up a lot since he said all those things and he now knows how I dislike being called names - he didn’t realise how much I disliked it before 🙄 He was childish he said and that was the way he argued.

Oh thank you, I didn’t know about the Royal Mail redirection. I was worried about having to go back to pick up mail and him bring difficult.

That sounds awful, OP!

Maybe going to your parents would help you though in terms of priority for social housing?

No matter how he tries to reframe his previous behaviour, he’s an appalling abusive cunt.

He knows you’re leaving him and expecting sex and affection? He is trying to control you and your body. I would tell him you’re not a performing seal, you don’t want sex because of his actions and words in the past. He can satisfy himself!
Have you gone to the council and told them you’ve been threatened with violence? That he has said he wants you dead?! That even though you are not together, you and your dc are still having to live with him and feel unsafe as he is demanding sex? I would tell them as it will put you up further on the list.

Go to your parents.

He wants me to basically just get over it, it’s in the past, I’m sabotaging the future etc. He’s even told me to go and k!ll myself in arguments. Awful stuff. Because some stuff is from a while ago now he just tells me to grow up. He’s been on his best behaviour for a while now and thinks I should just forget everything.