Husband has a very short fuse

[goodbyego]

Since our child became a toddler my husband has developed a very short fuse. He very quickly goes from asking to shouting, pushing us around (not aggressively but if someone is in the way to where he wants to go he will just push us out of the way without asking first) and going from perfectly fine to a foul mood which just escalates.

Any tips on helping him/us cope with this? I've explained a million times that shouting at the toddler does not achieve what he thinks it does. I've explained that his rotten mood affects all of us and achieves nothing. I feel like I'm trying to manage another stroppy, loud toddler.

Do you have any more info about him?

Would he try therapy?

He sounds awful.

Honestly, I’d be worried about how long it’s going to take to escalate from a little push. What is this teaching your toddler?

"Any tips on helping him/us cope with this?"

What makes you think that coping is the best way forward?
There is no 'coping' with someone being abusive. You may not have thought of your husbands behaviour this way yet, but I can assure you, he is.
Someone doesn't have to bruise you or break your bones to be abusive.

When someone is abusive, they don't need to be explained why their behaviour is wrong. He's not an idiot. He knows and he doesn't care.
Have you considered leaving him? Your home doesn't seem safe for you and your child.

He wouldn't try therapy, he's still very much in denial that it's a problem. I mostly blame his upbringing: it is very evident that his mum (she was a single mum, that's why I only mention her) parented by shouting and threatening (ie "if you don't do this, I'm going to throw all your toys in the bin!", my husband does the exact same). So it's a pattern of behaviour which is very deeply ingrained and very much a taught behaviour. I don't think he really realises that there's another option (I have explained a million times).

My style is generally "stay calm to encourage calmness" which works very well with our toddler (although does sometimes lead to me having to turn my head away from her and mouth swear words into the ether and then return with a smile). She responds very well to reasoning (as much as a toddler can).when my husband shouts, she starts fighting him and the whole situation escalated until he comes to get me because he can't take being around her any more and she's screaming and tantrumming.

This is his way of letting you know that if you don't obey him someone will get hurt.
He should be protective and nurturing towards his tiny vulnerable child.
I think I might be reconsidering the relationship if I was in your shoes OP, but he's probably doing this because he knows you're trapped and can't leave.

Why would you "cope" with being pushed around and bullied?

And your child being taught that this is how to treat people and is all he or she deserves in life?

Stand up to him and stop this continuing.

Or if you're afraid of him and know it will escalate into (more) violence, then you need to split up.

So it's a pattern of behaviour which is very deeply ingrained and very much a taught behaviour.

If he wants to change it, he can (with help). It might taking losing his family before he does anything though.

You are in an abusive relationship OP. And your child is also being abused. You need to protect her.
Try reading the book “If he’s so great, why do I feel so bad”. Author is Avery Neal.

I'm assuming he doesn't push people out of the way at work or in the shopping centre. He's not going from 0-60 with his boss or he'd be sacked.

This is behaviour he chooses to do and he can stop. Tell him in no uncertain terms that he stops and works on himself (anger management, therapy etc) or he's out.

Start exploring separation.

Ask him if he's heading for the domestic violence route. Because this is a common time for it to start. After having a baby. He's already pushing you around. What's next a slap . He does not need to put his hands on you .

Remember that your child is learning about relationships and how to be a man or a woman from the family rhey're growing up in. Would you want your son to be like him or your daughter to be in a relationship with someone like him?

A short fuse doesn't excuse pushing you and your child.

I'm with the other posters.

He has moved the way his moved. Show him you won't tolerate it.

I would 100% be getting evidence together. People are quick to advice LTB, but try get the evidence you need to prove he is abusive. You have a toddler together and if you don't want him to have unsupervised contact, you will need to prove he is abusive.

Whatever you decide to do, do it safely. Womens Aid is a good first port of call.

Do you have financial resources? What are you living arrangements like?

’not aggressively’

That absolutely is aggressive.

This. You need to leave.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/your-rights-and-options/protecting-my-children/#:~:text=For%20example%20the%20court%20might,possible%20contact%20with%20your%20ex.

I agree with this. I wouldn’t have tolerated that behaviour from him the first time it happened, he’d have been left in absolutely no doubt that it wasn’t acceptable and wouldn’t be tolerated.

My dad was and my sister is exactly the same
no patience
growing up with it I probably tuned out
if a draw was stuck rather than look what was stuck there be lots of huffing and shouting trying to heavy handily force it open breaking anything that was stuck then it would be everyone else’s fault

Of course your DH shouldn't be behaving in this way. But I am not in agreement with your nicey nicey style parenting either. Is your toddler badly behaved.

To echo other posters, I would be keeping a detailed log of his behavior. I think I would also want to challenge him after each and every incident, but not in front of your child of course. Make a note of his response to each challenge.
If you need to make a case against him you want to make sure you have everything to hand.

Show him this thread. It might come as a shock to him.

(not aggressively but if someone is in the way to where he wants to go he will just push us out of the way without asking first)

That is aggressive.

We are talking about a domineering and angry man and you think it's a good idea to let him know that she's discussing his behaviour with other women online?
Honestly, how do you think a man such as him is likely to respond to being told off by women?
My guess is that he will want to punish her for her disloyalty, for bad mouthing him etc

So he is an angry man that lays hands on you and your toddler roughly moving you out of the way?

So domestic abuse.
Ring Women's aid for advice and support.
Your child is being abused as are you.

Do not accept this and get used to it.
Tell family and friends the truth and get away from him asap.