Husband has a very short fuse

[goodbyego]

Since our child became a toddler my husband has developed a very short fuse. He very quickly goes from asking to shouting, pushing us around (not aggressively but if someone is in the way to where he wants to go he will just push us out of the way without asking first) and going from perfectly fine to a foul mood which just escalates.

Any tips on helping him/us cope with this? I've explained a million times that shouting at the toddler does not achieve what he thinks it does. I've explained that his rotten mood affects all of us and achieves nothing. I feel like I'm trying to manage another stroppy, loud toddler.

Cope? Why would anyone want to cope with shouting and pushing, let alone at home from someone who is supposed to love you? Would you tolerate this from a friend or work colleague?

And he wouldn't get away with doing this at work or in the gym or the pub - why does he think he can do it to his wife and child?

Honestly, it doesn't really matter whether your approach to parenting works well or doesn't. You don't have to justify that.
And there's also nothing wrong per se with a parent who's more strict or who will clearly state consequences for bad behaviour.
However, a calm state of being is essential, no matter what approach you take to parenting. Things that are said calmly but firmly don't damage your child. When these same words are shouted, they do.

And also, it doesn't matter who or what is the root of your husbands behaviour. He's a grown man. He's had plenty of time to reflect on what kind of man, husband and father he wants to be. If we were all only capable of mimicking what we saw from our parents, we'd still be living in caves and hunting and picking berries.
He chooses not to see the problem, because it doesn't inconvenience him. He doesn't care about how it affects others.
Shouting at a toddler - although we are all human and it can happen to all of us - is unacceptable. If it's not accompanied with remorse and an appology, something's not right. Pushing a toddler and your wife out of the way is unacceptable. Period.

So now it's up to you to decide what you want to do.
Are you going to sit by and watch this develop? Are you going to enable him? Are you going to let him make excuses for his behaviour?
Or are you going to stand up for yourself and your child?

he is acting how he was taught to act. It will seem normal to him which is why he’s doing it.

he will need to read a lot of books and do therapy to recognise his behaviour isn’t ok, and then actively decide to change.

He has to acknowledge what he’s doing first in order to change. Will he do that?

He’s dangerous, OP, to you and DD. Pushing is low-level violence that is likely to escalate, and a small child can be killed with one thoughtless blow. If he refuses to control himself, you need to get her away from him.