Am I wrong for not trusting my wife?

[Fixerupper101]

Hi all. So my wife went out on a night out with a couple of other women from work. I told her I would pick her up up when she was ready for home. About 2 am I texted her to see how she was doing and I would still pick her up. She said it was OK and I should go to bed. 1 picked her up at about 02:45 and she was acting odd/quiet.
I couldn't shake the feeling that something was up and a couple of days latter I looked at the pis on her phone from the night out. I know I shouldn't have. There were only 5, 3 of her and the girls and 2 of a man posing for her.
I asked who he was and she said there was no pics, she deleted them. She eventually admitted to them but they were a mistake and the girls must have moved out of frame.
She then told me that they had bumped in to a few guys from work and had a dance and a chat. He was one of those. Her friends stayed out until after 4am as would she if I hadn't picked her up.
Anyway I am now the one in the wrong for not trusting her.
I know it's a long post but if anyone has any experience or advice to share please do. Thanks.

Why are you posting on here instead of having a conversation with her?

and the idiots who think it’s clever to say “if this were reversed..”
really. Think of something original to say, for once. someone trots that b.s. out every time a Man comes in here

God forbid we should, yes, have another standard for the way women are treated, since men - YES ALL MEN - have no IDEA how horrible women are treated. I’m so sick of the “poor men” narrative. We don’t need to coddle and cosset them … by doing so, you’re all just buying into the misogynistic behavior that has been instilled since birth, that men are to be prized, and women are to serve them.

just stop it.

if you don’t like her behavior, talk to her or leave her. She’d be better off without you.

Mumsnet and sites like it only exist because people use it to sense check things that are going on for them. Weird to castigate any op for that. Posting here and talking to your partner aren't mutually exclusive.

AI for sure 🤣

@Monty27 Huh?

Partner is at a work do. It's 2am.
It's £60 for a cab. So you picked

partner up.
I don't care what gender.
But you nosied on their phone.
l'd be thinking about leaving you on the basis that you lack trust and so on. K9

Do you get jealous or worried normally? Usually for women, random photos and having a laugh with the opposite sex on a night out is just that, having a laugh. Usually nothing of a sexual nature. It seems like she couldn’t tell you as you would over react. She was also probably acting weird as it was nearly 3 am and likely she was quite drunk. The fact you said she would have stayed out but you picked her up would have been annoying for her too if she was having a good time. I really wouldn’t worry and would just apologise for looking through her phone.

its odd behaviour if u think its odd behaviour given that you've been together for 20 years. personally i would say nothing further at this stage, but look out for further signs.

I think you are getting a hard time on here, being called jealous, odd, over reacting etc I don't think that's the case. You feel how you feel. You know if something feels off and you know your wife's nature. Jealousy is a natural emotion like any other as long as it doesn't take over. I don't think you're controlling. I think this has knocked you like it would many others. Could be completely innocent. I hope everything works out OP and you can rebuild over Christmas 🙂

You say you looked at the phone because she was acting odd- that’s not normal, that’s you being suspicious! Normal is you looked at her phone because you needed to look at a shopping app or something! You need to talk to her properly- if you don’t trust her there’s something wrong, it also depends on the picture, work does can be mad, eg you hear of out of control parties, but it depends if it looked personal

Stay nothing try to move on, but keep your whits about you just incase. X

Same.

Omg get over yourself.
We are allowed to have a different opinion to you.
Yes, the answers on here would be drastically different if this was a woman posting. Knowing that doesn't mean we are coddling men or excusing misogyny.
It just means I don't want to treat men differently because some men treat women like shit and all men aren't aware of it.

As it stands op and yes I would give this advice to a woman...
I think this is much a do about nothing, your wife went out had a few drinks and was quiet on the way home.
She took some photos of blokes at work then deleted them after you looked at her phone. You shouldn't have done this but if you were a woman checking on here this would be absolutely justified.

You're probably better off having a nice calm open conversation about this with her because this will just depend into a bun fight with a bunch of people who are trying to prove a point rather than give you advice.

He's nosed at her phone because she is behaving suspiciously. A woman would be told to snoop more, ducks in a row. If it quacks like a duck etc, I think the wife did something not sex though.. Work events are notorious for poor behaviour.
Nevertheless, unless she confesses what can he do about it? Lovely Xmas present from his wife.

Have you ever had another reason not to trust her? On the face of it your concerns seem like an overreaction if there have been no other issues of broken trust over the course of a long marriage. Photos of a couple of male colleagues taken on a work night out aren’t inherently suspicious imo. Her not being totally honest about them is more odd, but possibly she feels defensive at being questioned about it and is worried about how you’ll react.

If this is literally the first time you’ve ever been suspicious of anything in her behaviour I would be inclined to drop it, but if it’s one more in a series of incidents of broken trust I can see why you’re concerned.

Complete rubbish! Woman are called toxic, controlling and jealous all the time on these exact same threads.

It brings to mind an African proverb:

The man who married a beautiful woman, and the farmer who grows his crop close to the road, have the same problem.

I really don’t know why guys post on MN. There is too much misandry.

The photos themselves wouldn’t make me suspicious. The fact that she denied having g photos and then changed her story a couple of times would make me suspicious.

It's crazy! The double standards are baffling

OP if you were a woman EVERYONE would be telling your partner was lying and probably cheated and you should kick them out. Checking phones and gathering evidence is often advised!

It isn’t necessarily suspicious to have a pic of a random bloke on her phone. You get chatting to people etc. But lying about it and changing your story three or four times is suspicious. I would keep an eye on her and see if there are any other odd behaviours, particularly around phone usage and whether she’s more protective/secretive with it than she used to be.

You might also want to check her phone for any suspicious messages etc.