Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I overthinking this

42 replies

Mirrormirror47 · 19/12/2024 06:58

Some months ago we went to the races with a few of my husband's friends, I didn't know then really well.
One of them said oh I like your dress, I said oh I got it from Debenhams in the sale it was a bargain. I then went on to say along with my hat and shoes, they were also reduced. Then one of them said "STOP IT, you are making yourself look stupid now'" so I shut up and carried on sipping my wine, my husband didn't hear this.
I told him later and he said nothing, I asked why she would say this as clearly she didn't like me and was there anything ever going on between them, he said not.
Just seemed like a strong reaction and she said it quite aggressively am I overthinking?!

OP posts:
buttonousmaximous · 19/12/2024 07:01

She sounds rude but I wouldn't read more into it. I'd expect more of a reaction from your dh though.

Original poster
Mirrormirror47 · 19/12/2024 07:12

buttonousmaximous · 19/12/2024 07:01

She sounds rude but I wouldn't read more into it. I'd expect more of a reaction from your dh though.

Yes I thought that, he just shrugged I assumed he be more defensive?

OP posts:
SlightDrip · 19/12/2024 07:15

You think she’s having an affair with your husband because she gave a rude reply to your inability to take a compliment? (Yes, she was rude, but going through every detail of an outfit she’d just complimented to tell her how cheap it was is also pretty ungracious. Just say thanks.)

SlightDrip · 19/12/2024 07:15

Mirrormirror47 · 19/12/2024 07:12

Yes I thought that, he just shrugged I assumed he be more defensive?

Edited
Show quote history

But I thought he didn’t hear that part?

Bittenonce · 19/12/2024 07:20

buttonousmaximous · 19/12/2024 07:01

She sounds rude but I wouldn't read more into it. I'd expect more of a reaction from your dh though.

DH reaction - ‘I like and respect this person. I’ve just heard something about her that’s a bit unpleasant- brain can’t compute - just block it out’?

vincettenoir · 19/12/2024 07:29

Maybe your dh shrugged because she had such a bizarre reaction. That was really rude and horrible of her, but don’t give her any more airtime.

Liv999 · 19/12/2024 07:31

She sounds extremely ignorant, you were only making conversation, and I would have told her that, your husband should have defended you too, you didn't do anything wrong

Original poster
Mirrormirror47 · 19/12/2024 07:42

To be clear, she wasn't the one who said she liked my dress, she just said I was making myself look stupid....

OP posts:
Original poster
Mirrormirror47 · 19/12/2024 07:44

SlightDrip · 19/12/2024 07:15

But I thought he didn’t hear that part?

Show quote history

He didn't hear her say it, it was only when I told him later on about it.

OP posts:
TipsyJoker · 19/12/2024 10:02

I’d have told her she was making herself look like an arsehole.

Davros · 19/12/2024 10:06

I learnt years ago that most people don't give full info about place of purchase of clothing with details of price, level of bargain etc. As one of three sisters, we always did this (and still do) because we would be interested, but I noticed that many people just don't and think it's a bit odd! Still, she was rude, stupid cow

Catoo · 19/12/2024 10:48

She was rude.

I would not expect any man I know to give a shiny shit about a conversation between women about dresses, and I expect your husband switched off throughout.

How you got to thinking he is cheating with her is a whole other level I can’t understand. I’m not surprised your husband was a bit cross about that.

Has he cheated in the past? Any other gut feelings about this woman?

Learn to take compliments, say ‘thank you, that’s a lovely thing to say’ and try and compliment back.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 19/12/2024 10:51

She was stupendously rude. Who tells someone they only know in passing 'you are making yourself look stupid' even if the person is making themselves look stupid. Surely the polite thing is to change the subject.

She was either drunk or one of those 'I tell it like it is me' people. In other words 'why be kind when I can be as nasty as I possibly can be' people.

Talipesmum · 19/12/2024 10:53

Catoo · 19/12/2024 10:48

She was rude.

I would not expect any man I know to give a shiny shit about a conversation between women about dresses, and I expect your husband switched off throughout.

How you got to thinking he is cheating with her is a whole other level I can’t understand. I’m not surprised your husband was a bit cross about that.

Has he cheated in the past? Any other gut feelings about this woman?

Learn to take compliments, say ‘thank you, that’s a lovely thing to say’ and try and compliment back.

Good advice here. Def rude of her. But seems like you are majorly leaping to think it suggests something is going on, based on this.

And I do agree with the last point. It can feel uncomfortable to gracefully accept a compliment, but it’s worth learning how to do it. Unless you know people quite well, it’s a bit odd to immediately tell them you got things in the sale. I used to always bat any compliments aside as I felt I didn’t deserve them, wanted to shift attention, felt they were mocking me. But it’s much better to thank them and return a compliment of your own. If they aren’t discussing dress prices and bargains, no need for you to do it - people don’t always want to talk about how much things cost.

AgentJohnson · 19/12/2024 11:03

I don’t think your mother being a bitter and mean spirited is woman is news to you. Accepting that this is who she is, is your first step. I understand that her behaviour is hurtful but her behaviour isn’t a reflection of you, it’s a poor reflection of her.

You can either call her out and watch her make herself the victim and try to alienate you from your siblings or tell her that her decision is hurtful but it’s her money and carry on as normal.

You can save yourself a lot of heartache by emotionally detaching from this toxic person.

Original poster
Mirrormirror47 · 19/12/2024 12:15

Catoo · 19/12/2024 10:48

She was rude.

I would not expect any man I know to give a shiny shit about a conversation between women about dresses, and I expect your husband switched off throughout.

How you got to thinking he is cheating with her is a whole other level I can’t understand. I’m not surprised your husband was a bit cross about that.

Has he cheated in the past? Any other gut feelings about this woman?

Learn to take compliments, say ‘thank you, that’s a lovely thing to say’ and try and compliment back.

I have never said at any point I thought he was cheating... He was not in earshot to hear the conversation but I repeated it to him later.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mirrormirror47 · 19/12/2024 12:16

AgentJohnson · 19/12/2024 11:03

I don’t think your mother being a bitter and mean spirited is woman is news to you. Accepting that this is who she is, is your first step. I understand that her behaviour is hurtful but her behaviour isn’t a reflection of you, it’s a poor reflection of her.

You can either call her out and watch her make herself the victim and try to alienate you from your siblings or tell her that her decision is hurtful but it’s her money and carry on as normal.

You can save yourself a lot of heartache by emotionally detaching from this toxic person.

What in earth is this all about 🤣

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 19/12/2024 12:20

Why did you waffle on about your entire outfit being reduced? Surely a simple thanks is enough?

Anyway she was very rude, bollocks to her.

Catoo · 19/12/2024 13:21

Mirrormirror47 · 19/12/2024 12:15

I have never said at any point I thought he was cheating... He was not in earshot to hear the conversation but I repeated it to him later.

Show quote history

In your OP you said you asked if there had ever been anything between them. He said no.

Because a woman was rude to you, you asked if there was anything between her and your husband.

So, has he ever given you reason to think there was anything?

ginasevern · 19/12/2024 13:22

She was perhaps trying to stop you making yourself look rather "bargain basement". As for your DH, men don't usually give a shit about women's conversations. I'm not saying any of it is right though.

noidea69 · 19/12/2024 13:24

100% he is shagging her, the only sane and sensible conclusion to come to after her comment.

slightlydistrac · 19/12/2024 13:45

Christ, what a monumental bitch she was.

Catoo · 19/12/2024 13:53

Catoo · 19/12/2024 13:21

In your OP you said you asked if there had ever been anything between them. He said no.

Because a woman was rude to you, you asked if there was anything between her and your husband.

So, has he ever given you reason to think there was anything?

Show quote history

Also to add, I meant he switched off while you were telling him about the conversation about dresses. That’s probably why you only got a shrug. He probably heard 2% of what you said.

CowGirl19 · 19/12/2024 13:56

She was obviously very rude to put you down like that.

I told him later and he said nothing, I asked why she would say this as clearly she didn't like me and was there anything ever going on between them, he said not

How did you make the leap that there might be something going on between your husband and this women?

He didn't hear the comment at the time - so what would you expect your husbands reaction to be - it's not as if he could of done anything about it by the time you were discussing it?

Yes your are overthinking this. Try to forget about it - I'm sure the women in question and also anyone else that heard has forgotten already.

TinkerTiger · 19/12/2024 13:56

Nothing else to comment except she’s incredibly rude. Who cares if people think you were going on? It’s one thing to think it and another to say it.