Partner constantly saying I don't have a sense of humour

[KateRusbyOnTour]

Been having some issues at work, including potential redundancy looming but there's no clarity yet about that. Met partner today and discussed and asked for advice. I said let's talk about it now and then we can have some drinks and get on with the afternoon. He told me to tell him and then button it. I wasn't sure I'd heard correctly and asked if he'd said what I thought and he said yes. I told him it wasn't just boring chit chat, it was my life and future, and he told me I don't have a sense of humour. I'm fed up of being told I don't have a sense of humour when he says things like this.

Do you have kids together?

Well, he's told you what he thinks and how much support he is going to give you.

What do you want to do now?

What part of his answer he was considering funny?

No and own properties too so nothing to disentangle except memories. Lots of them are him moaning though.

No one has a sense of humour about redundancy. He doesn't even live with you yet and he can't be arsed to respect you. Fuck him off.

Christ knows. He's told jokes before and told me I have no sense of humour when I look blank (because they aren't funny).

It's Schrödinger's joke. Say something horrible, wait for a reaction, if someone doesn't like it, it's magically a 'joke'

The response to this is, "a joke is when the other person laughs". He's an unfunny, unsupportive prick.

He is emotionally abusive. This will get worse over time and the more entangled you become with him. Do not have children with him, marry him or anything else. Dump him. It wasn’t meant to be a joke. It was a dig to chip away at your self esteem and make you rely on him for validation. It’s about bringing you down so he can control you. It’s about making you only talk about what he wants, when he wants for as long as he wants. It’s about making sure you know that you are not important. That you don’t matter, your views don’t matter, you life doesn’t matter. Leave before this eats away at you and leaves you a shell of yourself. He’s shown you who he is. Believe him.

"Button it".. Not ever known this get a laugh.
It's not remotely funny.
Stand up comedians I know are entirely committed to making people feel happy and then make them laugh. Everyone has a sense of humour...
You have described very upsetting life events that have been unsupported and minimised by a person the comedy world would help you exit.

I don’t think to tell anyone “to button it” when they are worried about serious issues is funny. And I’m absolutely certain that I have sense of humour.
Tell him to f* off and quickly as yes, you don’t have his idiotic sense of humour, you have the normal one.

Someone who has a good sense of humour can tell whether what they're saying is funny or not. Sounds like he hasn't got one.

He also hasn't got a sense of what's serious. No sense of empathy.
Sounds like he's not got much sense of anything tbh.

Thank god you're not financially connected to him. He's not worth hanging onto. In fact I would quite enjoy dumping him!

So you have to hear him complain 24/7 but he can't be a shoulder to you when you're stressed about somethin important? Sod that.

I could perhaps be sympathetic if you'd been stressing on it for a while and he was actually, all be it, clumsily saying 'how about we discuss it for 10 minutes and then we put up in a box and lock it and go do something fun together. Instead of ruminating on things'.

But based on what else you've said I'm guessing that's not the case. Nasty people like to claim nastiness is a joke in order to double down on hurting your feelings after the fact.

Life's too short.

What are you getting out of this relationship?

Redundancy is no laughing matter when restructuring rears it's ugly head it's stressful.
I'm only joking is the get out clause of the prick.definitley throw this one back.

Of course you have a sense of humor he's just not funny. I mean he's a joke but that's not the same thing.

What does this relationship give you, apart from feeling shitty about yourself? Honestly, dump his miserable arse.

Get rid of him. That is the beginning of abuse. He makes out that something is a joke. It makes you feel rubbish but if you don't say anything, he will do it again and again until your confidence is in shreds.

He isn't kind or supportive. Get rid of him before he does it again and makes you miserable.

If you don’t actually care about each other- it’s not a relationship.
He just said ‘I don’t care’.
I hope your work situation turns out okay, been through this a couple of times and know how stressful and unpleasant it can be.

Just dump the dickhead and you’ll magically have one less source of stress in your life.

Does he think you moan a lot?

He sounds nasty.
Dump him and see how his sense of humour likes that.

I hope things work out for you.

He probably does think that, but I don't actually moan a lot. I would expect to be able to talk problems through with a partner with a view to coming to a solution. He doesn't do that though. He shuts it down. Though HE does moan a lot about other people - workmates, his next door neighbour, Tom down the pub and so forth.

There's no reason to keep dating him, just dump him without a thought.

He's an insufferable, humourless, unsupportive prick. You'll feel a lot better with this useless lump dispatched from your life.

Redundancy is shit (I've been there twice) but it's a lot worse with a nasty man on the scene.