Being single is only good if..

[AMessAMess]

So I know there is a lot of push now for women to stay single and embrace being alone but does anyone else feel like being single is only good when you have loads of friends/ family and just a large support network? If you don’t have that I can be painfully lonely. I never felt lonely in my 20s I had a great social life and friends was out most weekends and never really felt bored or lonely and if I did I would just date or meet someone, for reasons I won’t go into I don’t really see these friends anymore and social life is non existent makes it much harder to enjoy being single. How do you enjoy it if you have limited friends/ family

but as explained you have a good set of friends so that makes a difference. not everyone has that..

So you would be happy if you could go out once a month with friends?

That isn’t how your opening post came across…

I met most of my friends while I was in my 40s, OP.

It’s entirely possible to make new friends but you do need to put yourself out there to find them.

It's cos every day on mn we seem ti have women who would choose being abused over not being with a man
I've been on mumsnet a very long time and I don't recognise this description at all. In nearly all cases its women who feel trapped financially in shit relationships, women who fear their young children being alone with a terrible father, women who do not recognise the behaviour is abuse ( MN is the first time they are being told its abusive and not ok) and women who are so battered down by their abuser that they are not in a psychological or emotional space to feel unable to leave.

Single now for 3 year's. Yes its lonely sometimes but...... I don't miss the argument's. The walking on eggshells. So thanks but I will stay single

I found it hard in my 30s , it’s hard always having to make new friends as the ones you had get children and get busy. And as I think OP said the quality of life you can afford varies with job and region. It’s really tough to manage financially in some areas single. I think it’s completely different if you’ve had a long term relationship and have grown up children and are single after that, although some people in that situation find it hard and some enjoy it.

I agree with you op.

i was out every weekend in my 20s no i don't think that would be "enough" not for me anyway, whilst i don't want to go out every week i miss just having someone here evenings are extremely lonely

@NameChanges123 sums it up.
I'd much rather find happiness with a partner again but at 48 I'm not going to settle for an old man I don't fancy.
I don't need one for the financial security.
It's crap though and lonely especially when the kids are with their dad for the weekend.
I am sad that those years of happiness feel like they're finished for me.

No, but it might be worth putting energy into trying to build friendships rather than hanging your social needs onto getting a partner.

Because then you're reliant on it working out with one person and it's a lot to put on someone - and it's likely to make you try to stick it out with that person even if it's going wrong.

I think we've got a long way to go before people would choose being single over a happy relationship. And that the social pressure is still very much to be coupled up.

I think it's a good message that you can be happy single. Nothing wrong in wanting to find someone, but it's good to throw out the stuff about old maids and all that nonsense.

I agree with @category12. You need to build a network of people. You can't just rely on one man to fill your every need and feel despondent if he doesn't materialise. Losing your friends from your 20s isn't that unusual, but you shouldn't just state that as a fact and then not work towards making new ones if you are feeling lonely. If you are determined to meet a man then it's also much easier to make relationships work if you already have a social life in my opinion. I have been on dates with men who don't have a social life and that puts me off completely. It's way too much pressure to put on one person and it makes them a lot less interesting as people. Sorry, that might sound harsh but not having anything else happening in their life expect me and work is too small of a world for me.

Well I certainly couldn't afford all that lot after ex & I split. I had trouble finding money for travelling to work, and ate a lot of baked beans and jacket potatoes for several years. One winter, my central heating packed up and I couldn't afford to get it fixed.

i have tried but i haven't made any it's not easy for everyone to just magic up a load of new friends

Can you go out evenings and do stuff? Going out and being around people will make you feel less lonely and also mean you are more likely to make friends or meet a partner. Go to classes or meetup groups or join Toastmasters or volunteer, or join a campaign group etc.

No it takes a lot of work and putting yourself in sometimes uncomfortable social situations but it's definitely worth it to keep going. It's not that unlike dating, if people warm to you as a friend, people with also warm to you as a partner (not the same people but the same principle). I would focus on that first, otherwise there is a risk that you will just settle for any man that comes along.

Im single and love it nothing could change it.

I can't relax in my own home if there's someone here, including a boy- or girlfriend. After the Pelicot case, I think I'm reasonable feeling that way.

I go to hobby groups to spend time with others and I hug and stroke my cat.

It's possible to meet people at interest groups. You won't meet anyone sitting on the sofa scrolling through Mumsnet.

I'm happily single, with no family, no really close friends or support network. I have friends I catch up with, and they probably would be there if I needed them, but I wouldn't expect them to be. I've been single for over 20 years and wouldn't have it any other way.

I think there's no 1 size fits all. Some people are happy single some it's just life circumstances. Isplit from ex dp just as I started an intensive post grad in 2018 then 1 of my parents passed away during covid and around the same time my other parent became increasingly frail so I became a carer.
Adding in juggling work, running mine and my parent's homes and an sen child it's hard enough trying to see friends, or travel to visit family. I would like to find a new partner but not actively searching just now as can't see where I would have the time!

While living on your own? Maybe with a MN 6 figure income or a mortgage paid off.

I love being single. Have been now for 7 years. As a child, I was expected to make my own entertainment and occupy myself. I wasn't plonked in front of screens or TVs, my time wasn't filled from morning until bedtime with activities. I am happy with my own company and I don't get lonely. I do have friends and see them regularly, but if I don't, I'm fine.

I believe you are better off being single than settling for a mediocre relationship just because you feel lonely.

I don't get lonely and I don't want someone interrupting my Mumsnetting and Youtube viewing. However, I don't particularly enjoy days out on my own and I feel anxious not having someone around. I'm an introvert, and what I'd like is someone to just sit alongside me doing their own thing. I don't want to be forced to watch action films and they probably wouldn't want to watch Pride and Prejudice and Detectorists. I'd like cuddles but I don't want to be pawed constantly! Meals out would be nice and days out to the coast or National Trust properties. There would have to be absolutely no drama because I have no tolerance for it.

At 52, and after an early menopause, I don't have the requisite hormones to be attracted to men. Plus most men my age aren't very attractive and if I went for someone younger, I'd feel old. As someone else said (not sure if it was on this thread or another one), society isn't set up very well and it seems that the only way to have regular human touch is to be with a partner. Occasionally someone will hug me (my mum died three weeks ago so I've had lots of hugs recently!) and it's lovely. I think it must be so unhealthy to not have that sort of human contact. I sleep snuggled up to my dogs (forbidden on here!!).

Sorry for being snappy earlier.

I think that poster meant it’s worth living on your own IF you can socialise regularly, go away on hols etc….

@BaroldandNedmund I would say that having my dog goes a long way when it comes to filling that void of having someone to cuddle with on the sofa. Life is also better because he's always happy to see me.

For me friends and a dog is all I need.