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Original poster

Why has this blast from the past started communication again?

39 replies

Hugge · 15/12/2024 17:49

A few years ago I met a bloke on Hinge that I liked. We got on well, had similar interests and things were easy between us. We casually dated for the best part of a year. He very abruptly told me he was sorry but couldn’t carry on with the relationship as he wanted to focus on his professional qualifications (he was going through some tough family stuff). Any in that time I have since moved to another UK city. When I messaged him back saying I wished him all the best and it would have been nice to have had this conversation in person he just left me on read.

He randomly texted me in the middle of the night a few days ago. I mean we have been having great text and face time conversations but I know he cannot move (sick parent) and I have no wish to do so either.

I reckon he is just bored and lonely. I mean I am too. I just don’t get the point.

We are both late 20s.

I know he felt it a shame that life sort of conspired against us not being able to have a proper relationship. But he was so callous at the end.

I’m considered successful, educated and classically beautiful. I’m almost 30 and just do not want to waste my good years on a dead end.

Why has he messaged? We’ve slipped right back into just talking. It is nice but what is the point?

OP posts:
BigPorker · 15/12/2024 17:54

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

smallsilvercloud · 15/12/2024 17:57

He just broke up with someone and looking for attention most probably.

RubyRedBow · 15/12/2024 17:58

Men always spin the block out of desperation.

Original poster
Hugge · 15/12/2024 17:59

We had an inside joke that for long stretches we were essentially just pen pals when we were too busy to meet up.

And he would say things like “I don’t want to be just your pen pal”. Which is essentially a great description for our current situation

OP posts:
CulturalNomad · 15/12/2024 18:00

In between relationships, probably just got dumped, bored and in need of an ego boost.

Don't waste your time.

EatTheBastard · 15/12/2024 18:01

smallsilvercloud · 15/12/2024 17:57

He just broke up with someone and looking for attention most probably.

This

Satisfactory · 15/12/2024 18:03

Don’t go there. I had this happen and in a moment of loneliness went forward with it. Ended up marrying him. Surprise surprise he turned out to be emotionally abusive with a shed load of issues. This guy has shown you who he is through his actions already.

Kat888 · 15/12/2024 18:04

It's Christmas and apparently loads of ghosts are coming back it hasn't happened me yet tho. If it's not making you happy and he doesn't want to make a real effort with you then say good bye.And maybe you don't even want anything with him. Anyway it's in you're contol

canyouletthedogoutplease · 15/12/2024 18:06

My guess is that it wasn't his Professional Qualifications he was focused on ... that thing has just ended and he's casting the net out for a warm reception elsewhere before he hits the apps in earnest again.

User364837 · 15/12/2024 18:07

You’re considered “classically beautiful”? Sorry I know not the point of the post but I find that a really weird thing to say 😆

but yes agree it’s loneliness so don’t get drawn in.

I mean… if you weren’t considered beautiful the advice would be different obviously 😜

smithey85 · 15/12/2024 18:08

As other have said, lonely, newly single and probably intoxicated if it was T night.

We all do it unfortunately, it’s usually easier and less effort to get an ex back into bed than someone new.

canyouletthedogoutplease · 15/12/2024 18:08

I've just noticed that you're clasically beautiful OP, surely you don't have to waste your time with half interested men, they must be throwing themselves at you, you've got to have the the pick of the bunch with that list of credentials.

DaringLion · 15/12/2024 18:09

hes Obviously bored

Waterboatlass · 15/12/2024 18:18

Reliable attention and company. In person FWBs prob with family over Christmas or away.

Don't get sucked in or waste your time. He will drop you again or fizzle out. He is lonely, not a real friend.

I mean, if he wants to come and visit you for lunch, fine. I wouldn't bother with sex. But don't spend hours of your time on the phone, texting or video calling. I realised when dating there are men who love taking up hours of your time doing just this, chin wagging away about their troubles with zero intention of a serious relationship.

You sounds like you're getting invested and he's just getting familiar company as and when, lovely as you are.

Original poster
Hugge · 15/12/2024 18:18

canyouletthedogoutplease · 15/12/2024 18:08

I've just noticed that you're clasically beautiful OP, surely you don't have to waste your time with half interested men, they must be throwing themselves at you, you've got to have the the pick of the bunch with that list of credentials.

Sorry I mentioned I’m considered beautiful and successful because I think a lot of my appeal
centres on the fact I am impressive on paper. He himself referenced my academic background - grammar school, LSE etc which in our cultural background is important.

Ie he knows him mum and family approve of me. I’m an easy option to him in a logical sense

And I have been messed around by plenty of people who claim to initially want commit but are so clearly allergic to the very idea!

I know I still have time but turning 30 and being extremely single is DAUNTING.

I feel like I was JUST 25 with absolutely no time crunch. I thought I had all the time to date casually. I’ve started getting my feed absolutely filled with reminders that my bio clock is ticking. Friend my age is looking at freezing her eggs. Gahhh. Rant over.

OP posts:
Dolphinnoises · 15/12/2024 18:24

MN has a big problem with people admitting they are attractive. You’re supposed not to notice. I get why you said it. I do think that very beautiful women have a bloody awful time from men, though. All their insecurities are triggered. A member of my family is absolutely gorgeous, as well as being charismatic, funny - the whole package, honestly. Men treat her like utter, utter shit. Like she needs to be destroyed for the survival of their egos.

Collette78 · 15/12/2024 18:28

Agree with what others have said he’s either lonely or just likes the attention of dropping in your messages and getting a response.

canyouletthedogoutplease · 15/12/2024 18:34

Don't let turning 30 see you leaping into the arms of someone who's mum approves of you, for convenience sake. I made the worst choice of man because I couldn't hear myself think over the noise of my ovaries clanging in my mid thirties, I hear you.

What do you want in a partner? Is he it? Or is he at a loose end is trying to hoover up women who feel like they're on the shelf? Honestly if you are educated and beautiful the world is at your feet, 25, 35, 45... your life doesn't hinge on a man's approval or attention.

Waterboatlass · 15/12/2024 18:34

Yeah people can get a bit scathing if you mention your own attractiveness on here.

Original poster
Hugge · 15/12/2024 18:42

canyouletthedogoutplease · 15/12/2024 18:34

Don't let turning 30 see you leaping into the arms of someone who's mum approves of you, for convenience sake. I made the worst choice of man because I couldn't hear myself think over the noise of my ovaries clanging in my mid thirties, I hear you.

What do you want in a partner? Is he it? Or is he at a loose end is trying to hoover up women who feel like they're on the shelf? Honestly if you are educated and beautiful the world is at your feet, 25, 35, 45... your life doesn't hinge on a man's approval or attention.

Edited

Thanks for taking the time to share some advice. In my friendship group only 2 of us are single. But the other person is really happy to just put themselves out there and is extremely outgoing. I have bouts where I do date but then it takes a toll and I just give up. And it’s those moments when I don’t even want to meet people when I get scared.

He didn’t set my heart on fire (to be honest no one really ever has) but we have a lot of similar interests/hobbies and he had his head screwed on in terms of his career. This guy was also VERY easy going which is my number 1 requirement as my dad has anger issues. I can’t witness a person get angry over something small

OP posts:
Satisfactory · 15/12/2024 18:46

So easy going he couldn’t be bothered with replying to you.

Original poster
Hugge · 15/12/2024 18:49

smithey85 · 15/12/2024 18:08

As other have said, lonely, newly single and probably intoxicated if it was T night.

We all do it unfortunately, it’s usually easier and less effort to get an ex back into bed than someone new.

Comically late. I assumed it was alcohol induced also

edit: whoops the attachment came out weird.

Why has this blast from the past started communication again?
OP posts:
Christl78 · 15/12/2024 18:51

OP, you clearly have a lot going on for you and that’s great. What you describe to me is a loser playing with you.
Is there a chance that you are thinking of him because you feel bad he rejected you, while are all this (educated, classically beautiful etc).

Original poster
Hugge · 15/12/2024 18:52

I won’t lie I like talking to him as it involves a level of intimacy that I don’t have with anyone else. But I know that is me just being lonely and bored too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hugge · 15/12/2024 18:55

Satisfactory · 15/12/2024 18:46

So easy going he couldn’t be bothered with replying to you.

True

OP posts: