I made a huge mistake and don't know where to begin to try and mend things

[DAISYBELLAxx]

Hello,

I have had a terrible 5 years in relationships, my first one being a long term relationship where we owned a home together. He cheated, so I moved back in with my parents. I then quickly got into another relationship, moved in with him and then it turned toxic. I moved out again recently to my parents whilst we try to work things out.

In addition to this, I dislike my current job in teaching and have done for 5 years. I decided to take a Saturday course in dog grooming.

When I started the course, the graduation date was 14th December, and the graduation is the shorter day. My partner asked me if I could attend his work party on that day (a ticketed event) to which I said it shouldn't be a problem as it was a shorter day on the course. They then decided to move the graduation day to 21st instead, meaning that yesterday was a long day and I wouldn't have made it to the event on time.

As a result, I panicked, called in sick, but lied to my parents that I was going (I thought they would be disappointed in me missing a week of the course, for a man who they have advised me I am probably better off without). I got up and dressed in my uniform and said to my parents that I would be going back to my partners after dog grooming to get ready for the party.

Instead I went straight to my partners flat to spend the day with him. Unbeknownst to me, my parents had surprised me by booking in my dog to be groomed by me. They drove an hour to the salon and back, to be told that I wasn't there because I was ill.

My Dad then tried to call me and I ignored it. He then called my partner who lied that I was at the course to protect me. My partner told me to be honest and not to lie beforehand, and now he has lied for me and has been painted out in a worse light.

They are heartbroken. I have lied to everybody, including those on my course. I feel this terrible sense of guilt. My parents have done everything for me, including helping me through the dramas of my failed relationships and putting me up with somewhere to stay.

I feel so embarrassed and don't even know where to start with fixing this. I feel so alone. My family are not speaking to me and I have asked my partner to give me some space while I try to process everything.

I didn't end up going to the party, and drove back to my parents to make sure they were ok. My partner ended up going, he says because it cost his bosses a lot of money.

I just don't know what to do and am at a complete loss.

OP has another thread where this awful scrote is causing issues.

Seems @DAISYBELLAxx is worried about biological clock as she wants ''a family'' but this is NOT father marriage material.

He sounds ghastly.

He's the reason OP lied to her parents and the dog groomer class..

Cut out the dead wood.

FAR too many women shackle themselves to a shitty man because they fear being alone or want marriage and kids, the whole nine yards.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5212183-break-up-at-28

None of your decisions make sense - including leaving teaching to be a dog groomer! Sorry that does not help, but I think you need counselling to try and sort out your own priorities. Why are you trying to 'work out' a relationship you describe as toxic? Why was a party with the toxic partner you have recently sort of left more important than the course to get you out of job you want to leave?
I think you just have to wait until your parents calm down, and apologise profusely. And probably not post about your problem on a public forum where you might be recognised.

I think you need to be by yourself for quite a long time, to figure out who you are and what you want.

@DAISYBELLAxx It sounds like you feel comfortable using lies as a way to organise your life. Do you lie a lot in general? Because in this instance you lied to two parties, your parents and your course. If you had not been caught, would you have been Ok with the way you sorted things out?

People will not be warm towards you because you're not being trustworthy. The obvious thing to do is to apologise, be accountable for your own choices and actions and commit to honesty and reliability from now on.

If you don't want to do that and carry on with lying and being fickle, then understand people wont like you and wont trust you.
And you need to own up to choosing your bad boyfriend. If you know hes toxic, and still go back, you do it with full knowledge, and you shouldn't ask anyones help when shit hits the fan.

Sounds like your parents are justified in not liking your boyfriend. Dump him, and don't rush into another relationship. I would have been cross that you put a party before a course.

The common thread here is that you're trying to avoid conflict/letting people down/want to please everyone and you jump to "lying" as the way to achieve this.

You had a clash. If the dog grooming course was your priority, then you could have explained to your partner that you would only be able to join him later/wouldn't be able to join him.

Or you could have explained to the dog grooming course that the change to the dates mean you would have to leave early on that day.

You definitely could have explained to your parents about the choice you had made.

But you tried to avoid any difficult conversations. And wound up having to have far more difficult ones than you otherwise would have done.

You have been a teacher for 5 years. You are an adult. You seem to lack in confidence. I would recommend you try to work on improving this.

Do the dog grooming course know you lied about being sick? Will missing the day impact on your qualification?

Your parents will forgive you.

I don't know if your relationship is healthy for you. Taking some time to work through your issues sounds the right plan of action.