Hello everyone. 👋 Not really sure why I am posting, I guess I am feeling very lonely.
I have been unhappy in teaching for a long time, have tried to make the right moves to leave but have struggled.
In 2022, I left an 8 year relationship after I found out that he had been seeing somebody else. It was a horrible break up as we had a house and a dog together. We renovated the house and split the profits in half. I was literally about to jump from teaching before I found out he cheated.
I then moved back into my parents and kept teaching for some security. I was very vulnerable at this time, and very quickly met somebody new, who I thought was the one. He was very supportive at first and made life feel lighter. I moved into his flat with him and have been traning over weekends in dog grooming which I have thoroughly enjoyed (qualify in 4 weeks time). We have been together almost 3 years and his flat is currently up for sale as we were planning to buy a home together. Over the last month I have been beginning to set up as self employed (planning to teach Monday-Friday and then doing what I am qualified in on Saturday from mid January and building it up until I can leave completely)
My partner was very supportive at first, but overtime I noticed some red flags in his lack of support and the way he would speak to me. He would talk to me in a tone when frustrated and do lots of hand gestures like I am stupid. Yesterday morning he was playing his xbox and I opened my laptop to start some business related things. He asked what I was doing, and when I told him he said that all I ever think about is myself, I always get what I want and care about nobody else and that I am selfish. He said that he wanted a couple of Saturdays for us to be together. I told him that I was planning on that too, and would start dog grooming on Saturdays from mid January to allow us some weekends. He then said that this was clearly not my plan, and that I was just saying it to make the situation better.
I said to him that he knows I havent been happy in my job for a long time and that it is bringing me down. To which he responded that nobody is happy in their job and that life isnt all roses. He then dropped in that he isnt happy in his job either and that everything is all about me and what I want. He had never voiced to me that he doesnt like his job before. I explained that me changing my career eventually would be good for us as a team, as we planned to have children in future and I could be more flexible for them. He said that I am just doing this for me and nobody else.
I got quite upset by this as it hit me randomly, I was also due to meet somebody I was renting the business unit from yesterday, so it was going to be an exciting day. I started to become tearful and voiced to him how I felt unsupported. He told me to shut up and acted out playing a violin. He played a fake violin to me two weeks prior to today and asserted the boundary and left for my parents (this was just two weeks ago). He said he wouldnt do it again, so I moved back.
This morning, I packed my bags again and left. As I was packing and literally had the contents of my life on the floor and crying, he told me to hurry up as I was wasting his day.
I am now back at my parents again knowing this is finished. I aim to use this as a bitter sweet opportunity to start over in my new career and leave teaching in July, but it feels so scary doing this alone.
I just cant help but feeling so, so sad. I love this person and he can be so kind and yet so cruel. My heart is crushed and at 28 I am worried that my time is ticking. Life just isnt what I thought it would be and I am struggling immensely.
He hasnt tried to repair things other than messaging me that he loves me when I was back at my parents, which has me massively confused. I have never known a love to be so cruel. I know I need to find the inner strength to move on but I am terrified. 😪