Daughters fathers & his family won't leave me alone

[DenimBird]

My daughters (11months old) father and I split up when she was 4 months old, so a while ago now

He still wants me back but I'm 100% done with him for alot of reasons, controlling, financially unstable, can't keep a job, verbally abusive towards me

Anyways, I've tried co parenting as best I can with him, some days go okay some days are hell

Every now and then I have to block him as he sends abusive message after message to me.

I will block him and his family, (mother, sister brother) will let him go on their phones to harrass me. I've told them all before if this continues I'll have to block them all

He's even gone up the street to a friends house to use the friends phone to abuse me on

He calls me childish, a brat, and bipolar because I block him instead of arguing back with him. I personally think blocking him is the most mature thing to do

He constantly tells me "my mum said you're this. My mum said you're that". "My mum said if you don't let me see the baby on Xmas day your evil" " my mum said your terrible for using the baby as a weapon"

I've never used the baby as a weapon, he has his daughter 3 times a week, anything from 4-8 hours, depending on what day etc

He's 30 by the way! And still lives with his mother, I think this is why the mother seems to have alot to say

Anyways not even a question is it really
But I really don't know what to do anymore, this is hell

He’s harassing you and that’s a police matter. More fool his family and friends for allowing themselves to be used in a situation that will involve the police.

Thanks x

Take thus seriously. He is 30, childish, spiteful, and really potentially dangerous. He eants you back and his mother probably wants the baby. Get everything including your safety and guardian ship for the baby locked down. He could use the baby to control you or he could hurt you in order to take the baby.

I’d get police involved.

Do you have a court order for custody arrangements?

We do not have a court order no

I've wanted to go to court for months tho but he's refusing it. And I think he has to take me to court, so what can I do

I would log a complaint that your getting abusive messages with the police from different phones, I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting him have the baby tbh if he is harassing you.

two thoughts:

one use a parenting app. often they record written conversations and only use this communication method. No phonecalls. When he is abusive it will be logged and you can use it against him when you do eventually go to court.

can you move a bit further away so that he isn’t in your town or whatever. Then he could have contact with DC every other weekend.

Report to the police immediately as harassment, hoping you have kept everything. The. Stop the child from seeing hi. And tell him to take you to court

Littterally don’t go to court . All this means is baby has to be made available for contact .

i agree with pp . Either contact through app or email .

log at lest with the police .

Agree with PP. I would move as far away as I could. Why haven’t you blocked his abusive family members?

A parenting app is a good way to communicate and block him on everything else.

I have evidence yes

The family members have been blocked as of today

I'll be keeping everyone blocked now

The only hard thing now is when my daughter is getting picked up or dropped home, her father or his mother would usually send a text just to give me a heads up that they would be leaving soon

OP won’t be able to move really really far away (eg 4 hours away) as this will be seen as aggravating contact. But she could move like an hour away (depending on what judge thinks of this) and have a bit of space from him and his family

Oh really, so do u suggest I keep co parenting but keep them all blocked?

Would it be aggravating contact if I'm literally being harassed tho?

as far as I’m aware it spends what the judge thinks. You’d need legal advice to know how far away you could move and how much the harassment would fall in your favour.

they would still want DC to have contact with dad unless dad is physically abusing DC and you have evidence. If he’s being a dick to you unfortunately you’d still have to make DC available for contact

So basically of he's being abusive towards me which is technically what he is doing. A court still grant him contact with his daughter

Could you see a solicitor and apply for a non molestation order from them all?
I really wouldnt be putting up with thier aggresive shite.. fight back!

I know, ridiculous. Laws should be changed but its fucked up now as it is....

I think if you can show there was domestic abuse then you can skip mediation and get a child arrangements order. To stipulate that the child lives with you. It could still state the hours he has her now. But if he ever refuses to return her it would mean you have a legal document. Otherwise there isn’t much you can do and police won’t get involved

Is there a way he could kick up a fuss about this tho and then they don't give me the legal document which states she lives with me.. even tho she does!

Yes

Yes he could go for 50:50 custody and the judge would decide

Don’t block them, mute them. Let all of their messages go into folders and keep them as evidence.

Is there someone else who could do the drop off/pick up/receive DD than you? So you don't have to deal with them? If you're finding the abusive messages etc are affecting you, definitely report to the police.