Daughters fathers & his family won't leave me alone

[DenimBird]

My daughters (11months old) father and I split up when she was 4 months old, so a while ago now

He still wants me back but I'm 100% done with him for alot of reasons, controlling, financially unstable, can't keep a job, verbally abusive towards me

Anyways, I've tried co parenting as best I can with him, some days go okay some days are hell

Every now and then I have to block him as he sends abusive message after message to me.

I will block him and his family, (mother, sister brother) will let him go on their phones to harrass me. I've told them all before if this continues I'll have to block them all

He's even gone up the street to a friends house to use the friends phone to abuse me on

He calls me childish, a brat, and bipolar because I block him instead of arguing back with him. I personally think blocking him is the most mature thing to do

He constantly tells me "my mum said you're this. My mum said you're that". "My mum said if you don't let me see the baby on Xmas day your evil" " my mum said your terrible for using the baby as a weapon"

I've never used the baby as a weapon, he has his daughter 3 times a week, anything from 4-8 hours, depending on what day etc

He's 30 by the way! And still lives with his mother, I think this is why the mother seems to have alot to say

Anyways not even a question is it really
But I really don't know what to do anymore, this is hell

Could you unblock so you receive messages but don't answer the calls so you can build a picture of their abuse then see police /solicitor with the evidence?

We tried this and the family member invovled got tired of doing it, and he kept getting invovled

Everyone had enough if it

I could do this, its just non stop abusive and love dovey messages all day long

The way day was 200 messages

You set up an email address just for him, tell him you will only communicate through this email. Then block again. If he needs to message you he can do so through the email address which you can check as and when you want and feel able to

Go to court for a lives with order.
Without one he could take her for contact and refuse to return her.

Unlikely for a 11 month old but possible in the future. But OP needs to deal with the here and now.

@DenimBird - as a PP has mentioned, this behaviour sounds like grounds for a non-molestation order. These are designed to prevent harassment and intimidation (including using other people to harass you so it could address his parents’ behaviour) but can be drafted to cover contact for purposes of shared parenting. They are usually drafted for 6-12 months. Breach of a non-mol is an arrestable offence. If you contact the NCDV https://www.ncdv.org.uk/self-referrals, they can explain the process to you and provide you with support in applying for a non-mol.

Literally DO go to court. This looks like it could potentially lead to her ex and his mum refusing to give the baby back at some point. A court order means him having to give the baby back just as much as it means the op having to make the baby ‘available’

When me and my husband separated he called me 60 times in one day and the police said that was harassment. I would log with the police today, they will help you.

to note that was just on one single day, you’ll have a lot more evidence than that

Thankyou! Yes I have alot of proof thankfully

What happened in your case, did he eventually stop or did police have to pay him a visit

It happened for one day and then he reduced to an acceptable amount of phonecalls. I told the police to wait until I was sure it was sustained (it wasn’t in the end)