Being told to ‘stop going on’

[Melanie1986]

Does anyone have a partner who speaks to them this way when just trying to have a chat about normal things? Yesterday I was chatting about family and Christmas plans and he seemed irritated and told me to ‘stop going on’. I should have noticed I wasn’t getting any kind of input back and stopped talking.

He can’t seem to handle any type of conversation about anything, I don’t remember him being this way when I met him. If I ask any questions to try and open a conversation it’s short sharp answers like how was work today? ‘Fine’ that’s all I can get, if I ask any questions additional questions because I fancy a chat I get snapped at. This isn’t constant but happens most days.

Just makes me feel really upset and trapped like a naughty kid who needs to stay quiet. Woke up happy and now I’ve had a cry again, after asking too many questions, about plans for this weekend. He ended up getting angry and storming out of the room. It’s set the tone for another weekend of me being sad, I’m finding it harder to shrug it off it’s making me feel quite low, and if I bring it up I’ll probably get more of the same.

Stop talking to him other than necessities, tell him nothing and plan your split. Then tell him you're ending the relationship because he's making you miserable. Live happily ever after without the miserable bastard ❤️

OP, with your last update re the fact you contribute more economically and in terms of house work, that's the answer you wanted to "why is he with me"?

Would he still be with you if he earned less and you were living at his, with him doing the lion share of the housework?

Being blunt -

Men like him won't leave a relationship unless something happens which makes it completely intolerable, or until they meet someone else.

You do most of the housework. I bet you also carry most of the mental load including socialising and when his family's birthdays are. He gets a comfortable house, someone to share the expenses with, and sex on tap.

You have one short and precious life. Do not spend it with someone who makes you feel lesser.

This isn’t the first bad relationship I’ve been in. I am going to get some sort of therapy.

If I had already then maybe at the start when I thought everything was amazing, if I’d have looked a little closer, it probably have realised that it wasn’t. I’ve heard about love bombing a lot recently. He did that to me, sent flowers to my work, just ‘because’. Wrote long love notes, drove hours to see me just for the sake of an hour. So you can imagine why I’m scratching my head now wondering why he doesn’t even want a conversation with me. It does really hurt.

It's not your fault. At the beginning, you saw what you were meant to see. But people like this can't keep their mask on forever. And now you see who he really is.

Make your plans and leave.

Hi, this is abusive behaviour. He's degrading, belittling and humiliating you. This kind of behaviour isn't ok and you don't treat someone like this. Leave that relationship ASAP. You should never ever be treated like this, ever. Don't accept this treatment.

I don’t know if he’s kind or not, as you say he is, but he’s not a match either way is he?? I’d be moving on as soon as possible.

Men like him won't leave a relationship unless something happens which makes it completely intolerable, or until they meet someone else

This is very true.

Op you are walking on eggshells, which is the sign of an emotionally abusive relationshop. Sometimes we crave quietness but if you care about your partner you communicate your need gently to let them know it's a "you" issue, not them.

I suspect your partner doesn't like women but feels he has to have one, for sex, housework and shared financial responsibility.