Domestic Violence- Social Services

[AttiesMum]

Hello,

Little back ground my partner is a dad of 3 (from other mothers) soon to be 4, who suffers from DID (split personality disorder) and I am 38 weeks pregnant with his child and I have both ADHD and Autism.

Tuesday morning me and my partner had an argument resulting in him calling the police because I was refusing to leave the property. My partner pushed me onto the sofa and the grab my collar on my jumper to try and lift me up to leave the property, as he's done this I have lashed out and put my feet on his chest to push him off and as i've done that he grabbed my neck, resulting in a bruise on my neck. my partner had grabbed me before by my wrist and ankle (on two separate occasions) again because I was refusing to leave the property. After he had grabbed me I got up and left the property, as I was leaving my partner shouted out the front door saying that nobody liked my and that I should go kill myself (I know that this is his DID and anger speaking.) His ex sister in law and two other neighbours are in the street while this happen. we will call his ex sister in law "SIL" for short, she also lives in the same street as us. SIL stopped, heard and witnessed him shouting at me so me and her went for a walk together. I had told her what had happened and that police were on their way and everything. while we were on our walk the police arrived and spoke to my partner and he had just told them that we had an argument blah blah blah, me and SIL had made our way back to our street and as I come to my partners flat the two officers are walking out. I didn't want to make a statement nor tell the police what had happened but SIL turned round and told them. I then proceeded to tell the officers that I didn't want to make a statement but they put me in the back of the van anyway to ask me further questions. my partner was then arrested around 11AM on tuesday. Long story short now, I fought my hardest to get my partner released without charges, bail conditions or a DVPO put in place, and on thursday this was granted, the case is closed and there are no orders put in place to stop me and my partner seeing eachother. we later sound out after speaking that SIL was messaging our neighbours to lie and put a statement in against my partner and how he acts around the kids. (we have evidence of this) he is an amazing father, but we believe that SIL is doing this because my partners brother had full custody of their children. We knew social services were going to be involved anyway but today (the friday) social services contacted me and we have an appointment on monday about everything, they have advised I don't see my partner till after this appointment, but I had told them this wouldn't happen so close to my due date, they didn't mention anything about his other children so we thought that was going to be that and we would find out what was happening at my appointment. My partner has his other kids every friday to sunday so his youngest child was dropped off to him today after school, and within 10 minutes his mother was walking back through the door saying my partner couldn't have his son this weekend because social services had rung her and told her this, she had told them she has no concerns with her son staying in his care but they made it clear he still wasn't allowed his children this weekend. i've never been involved with social services before and I really don't know what's happening, how do we go about this? how to we get social services to believe that he is the amazing father he is? i just feel so left in the dark and confused I just really don't know what is happening.

An amazing father doesn't get physical with the mother who is carrying the child inside her body, ffs

What an absolute mess, of course SS should be involved.

It sounds like you both need some support in place to learn how to behave. If you're shouting at each other and having physical altercations to the extent the police are being called then it certainly doesn't sound like you should be caring for children without supervision.

Whatever her motivation, your SIL has done your unborn baby an enormous favour. You too, but you won't see it. Glad to hear social services are taking this as seriously as they should, because you aren't.

My advice is to meet with them, take on board everything they say and stop making excuses for a violent man because, rightly, they won't wash. The choice to leave your partner will be on you, they can't force you apart. What they can and will do is take any measures necessary to protect your baby and if you stay with him, this could well involve them removing that baby.

There is no way this can or should be sugar coated for you.

The next time he pushes you down on the couch, pulls you about by the wrist or ankle, or picks you up by the neck, you will have a tiny, helpless, vulnerable baby in your arms.

His mental disorder may mean that he does not mean to be violent, but he IS violent. Your SIL is the only one thinking straight here and putting the existing and your forthcoming child first.

You could very easily loose your baby if you stay with this man. How can a man who acts like that to a woman carrying his child be a good father? Read back what you wrote. You are pregnant and he's treating you like that. It not how a good father behaves. And if he's so amazing why have 3 previous women left him?

Ifyou seem to think this behaviour is part of his DIS. If this is true he would not be allowed to have his other children unsupervised the diagnosing psychiatric team would have made referrals to SS to protect the children. He's either lying about the DIS or he's using it as an excuse to abuse you.

What happens when he acts this way and you are holding a new born? What if he's not violent but still kicks you and baby out in the freezing cold? What if he is triggered by an unsettled baby and looses his temper with the child? What if your child sees this treatment of you and grows up to do the same to women if male or accept it as normal if female?

You and your child deserve better.

Why would you choose to have a child with this man given his mental health issues and yours. What a shitshow. It's incredibly selfish

What an absolute shit show and a complete misery for the poor children involved.

Speak to a woman’s charity, get your shit together and leave for the love of god.

do not bring another poor child into this misery whilst still living with him.

This relationship is quite clearly toxic as hell and cannot continue. Once a relationship turns physical there is no going back.

Hopefully they will protect your children from you both.

This has got to be a joke come on now 🙄

Why would a split personality excuse violence against a pregnant woman?

Don't be daft op.
You're making excuse for a man who assaulted you.

He's not a good dad. Because even if he's nice and does all the parenting for HIS kids on the weekend he had them (which I doubt), he attacks his partner and soon to be mother of his next child.

Abusers are not good parents. A parent sets a good example for their child on how life is to be lived.

Hopefully yes, but unfortunately there certainly are people who will make any excuse for the violent partner who is a "wonderful parent".

A man who abuses anyone, especially the women who is pregnant with his child is not a good father, he isn’t even an acceptable one.

Hopefully social services will do their job and ensure all 4 children are kept safe from this violent and abusive man.

As you are prioritising your relationship with him over your unborn child's safety,, I expect they'll see that they also need to step in and protect your baby from your poor decisions.

This sounds absolutely chaotic. I hope Social Services remove your child.at birth and place them.somewhwre safe rather than the inevitability of removal at a later date which will cause more damage.

This nonsense is absolutely infuriating- idiots like this having child after child.

If you won't put your baby first you don't deserve to have them.

How do people live like this?? I hope SS put your child first and remove it from both of you at birth, seen as all you seem to care about is the welfare of your abusive boyfriend.

All the people in the world who struggle to conceive, have to go through IVF etc, and there's Jeremy Kyle trash like this having child after child they can't (and won't) look after.

You should all be ashamed of your behaviour.

You are deluded this man is not 'an amazing father' and he is far from an amazing man too.
You have embroiled yourself into the quagmire of his life ,i wonder how long it will be until he attacks you again and when your baby is here will you be sending the police away then when he attacks you ?
Why on earth would you have a baby with someone like this ? the best thing you can do is get as far away from him as possible ,don't put his name on the birth certificate and try and make a peaceful fulfilling life for that precious innocent child that will soon be your responsibility ,the biggest responsibility you will ever have .

"He only assaults me when he's angry" is right up there with "I punished her legally"

Tell social services exactly what you've told us, so they know to remove all children from this situation as soon as possible.

What kind of responses do you think you will get on here ?
No one will defend a feckless man who behaves as you describe ,no one will think you are doing the right thing by staying with /having yet another of his babies .
Everyone will judge your bad choice and rightly so, social services will be on your back when they get the slightest sniff of your situation.

Good lord, I already feel extremely sad and concerned for your unborn child and the other 3 (or 4? It's quite unclear in your OP) children this disgusting excuse of a man has.

Do both yourself and your baby a favour and leave him and don't come back, and do NOT put him on the birth certificate. If you continue to have a 'relationship' with this idiot then your child will hopefully be removed (so it should, so it can grow up in a safe, loving environment like it deserves).

Jesus wept. Honestly, you couldn’t make it up.

Hi op I see you have ADHD and Autism and I understand that it really difficult when you have different thought process then others but you must do exactly as social service tell you and work with them.
You cannot make them think he is a good father he now has to do that himself also sometimes when these situations come out in the open you should really think about how healthy this relationship is
It isn't, no one should leave bruises on you or treat you that way.
I also used to have a similar mindset I now know better. Just concentrate on being a good mum he is in this mess because of what he did.

Hopefully social services will remove your children.

how to we get social services to believe that he is the amazing father he is?

Sorry, what? 😳
"Amazing fathers" don't assault their pregnant partner ffs.

SIL was right.

Worth reposting this comment.