Divorce help

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I am starting to prepare for divorce. I have 2 children 11 and 4. DH has said I can have all the house and will transfer in my name as long as I don't go after his pension. He also won't pay any child maintenance . He wants a DIY divorce to reduce costs and doesn't want to go to court. There is £0 savings as our salaries comes into a joint account. I am in charge of the money so I know there is nothing hidden. Our house is worth £600k and there is £120k left on the mortgage which I can cover on my single wage. I am 44 and he is 42 we both work full time and he earns £10k more than me. I am thinking this is a good option as I won't have to chase him for money and have it up front. But worried I'm missing something. Will the judge allow this? TIA

You absolutely should get legal advice re the pension and the house.

I'd be tempted to tell him you agree not to go for child maintenance to get him to play fair in the divorce then once the divorce is finalised apply to CMS anyway. Every parent should pay for their children! And it's not wrong to mislead him because he's gaslighting you into thinking you should somehow get less because you worked part time and earnt less. You only did that because of his children and he was only able to do that because he didn't have to go part time for them. Building what you have financially was an equal effort. Just as supporting those children financially going forward should be equal

Omg did not know this, thank you , will contact Domestic abuse services aswell for advice.
I wanted to save 10k to get him out of the house, otherwise how will he move out? He has no family here.

It does sound tempting to me OP. I would rather have the asset and housing security now. He could well get a lower paying job or quit work since he does not want to pay child support so I would not rely on that.

Do check exactly how much his pension is worth though.

He can’t just never pay a penny towards them. What if you lost your job ?

He finds his own money for the move out or is he saying you’ve to do it

your deep in the abuse cycle still

do the freedom programme it’s online as well as face to face and have you read why does he do that

Still emotionally abusing you with the threat of I’m not paying for CM and if you go against it I’ll want 50% of the house bollocks.

Yes he could reduce his hours as he has a second job and could pack this is in. This is why he does nothing for and with the kids because he says he works 2 jobs around 60 hours total so I have to do everything with kids and running of the house. However I also work full time (40 hours) and cook, clean, do school runs, laundry, house work -everything. He does the gardening. I feel like a single mom now but with the constant belittling, bullying, complaining, swearing, shouting. It's so draining and also my 11 year old is telling me to leave him. I can't talk to family, they don't support me and would just like me to get on with it so i stopped telling them about the abuse years ago. My parents are elderly and can't take the heartache. I just thought having the house will give me security now, plus I have the option of selling and going mortgage free if I need to saving so much on interest payments (we pay £600 in interest now). The pension is 25 years away, the kids will be older and have Thier own income by then. Having the house is worth more than CM and yes it could be reduced.

His income is around £55k.

That assumes he'll see one. My XH thinks I'm ripping him off and accuses me of all sorts but refuses to see a lawyer to get a realistic idea on what's possible with the financial arrangements.

He could also move away - is his family in another country? Then he'd pay no child support anyway.

Divorced women in their 50's (in Australia anyway) are very much at risk of homelessness. That made me very keen to keep the house in my situation.

Yes family in a different country, but he wouldn't move away as he wouldn't get income he is on now. Plus he still wants to see kids.

You need to know the pension values and then see a lawyer to get an idea of what settlements might be reasonable. If house has 480K equity, and for example his pension is 600 and yours is 200 you'd be getting about 53% of total assets by keeping you pension and getting the house. Whereas if you pension is worth 200K and his is worth 400K you'd be getting nearly 63%. You need more information to work out what is good outcome for you.

I had a DIY divorce and now regret it. I wish I'd sought advice, but I couldn't afford legal fees at the time. Only later do I realise what a mug I was. My child was 17 though, so no CM payments involved. I was the higher earner too.

I agree get legal advice but I can see why you're considering the house no CM option. Clean break and security whilst they're young and you're all more vulnerable. Dont forget you'd get more like 60:40 of the house not 50:50 though plus CM for ft care of 2 kids for at least 14 years that's a lot for the house only option to beat, esp if you'd still have a £120k mortgage on it.
If you think he'd change jobs/reduce his income or try and skank on his CM payments though then the house only clean break might be best- see what legal advice says about how viable that is. If it turns out to be a good option then get it nailed asap before he does a runner.

My mediator told me the biggest mistake women make is not going after the pension. She also said the second biggest mistake is hanging onto the house at all costs.

In our case, STBXH’s pensions and work benefits were worth more than the equity in the house.

You need to get full disclosure before you can make a deal. He is not working in your best interests.

Tread carefully, seek legal advice from more than one solicitor then make your decision.

I would take the house! Solicitors are so expensive and why cause a rift!

His pension is probably worth more than the house.

You have no idea what other savings he has as you only know how much salary he pays into the joint account.

Why does he never want to ever see his kids after you split up ?

Why doesn’t he want to pay mainetenance for his kids ?

You only get child support while your kids are in school or college- you lose it when they go to university , even though you will still have to house and support them.

You need a solicitor - he wouldn’t be offering you this deal if it was a good deal for you .

It's a divorce, there's already a rift.

And placating someone at your own expense doesn't tend to lead to them being OK with everything, it just feeds their sense of entitlement.

Get legal advice.
My husbands pension was valued at more than our quite expensive house (not much but a bit), where as mine was tiny.
And the judge can refuse your divorce if the financial arrangements do not seem fair.

And you can't legally give up all child support rights. Your Ex may not realise the ins and outs of UK divorce laws.

If the judge refuses can you go back with another option? Or is that it I can never be divorced if judge refuses?
@B0RING he has no other savings as his salary comes into our joint account and he had nothing when we entered the marriage. The only other money he can come into is inheritance but his parents are still alive and I didn't think inheritance comes into it but unsure? Yes he wants to see kids but he is saying if I have his share of the house then he has already paid the CM upfront and I don't have the upheaval of moving costs and disruption. I'm trying to get my ducks in a row as I'm planning on filing for divorce next year.

He's talking absolute balls though.

You can't pay your child support upfront, it's not how it works. He has a financial responsibility towards them until they are adults.

It actually works in his favour to some extent to have it ongoing, as if he loses his job or has more kids, what he would need to pay would drop.

And it works in your kids favour if it's ongoing because if his wage goes up, he could be asked to pay more, (or if you lost your job or something happened, there would be that additional money coming in to keep them fed).

If you're getting your ducks in a row, have you spoken to a solicitor yet?

You are not committed to using solicitors by having a couple of appointments, you can still do it DIY, but at least get an understanding of what's appropriate in the circumstances.

I’d be happy with this scenario OP. By the time your child are grown up, the house will be worth a lot more than £600k.

More than a £142,000 increase.

So would a pension though.