I know he's cheating

[Iknowthescore]

That's it really. I know my oh of nearly 2 decades is being unfaithful and yet I can not get any "evidence". I have to play the long game I guess. I can not walk away yet due to our young kids. I have to become financially sound again after being sahm too.

Has anyone been in this situation? How did you deal with it?

I really do understand this, I’ve lived through it. I felt that I couldn’t throw our marriage away when I could have just had the wrong end of the stick. I hoped beyond hope that I was wrong, and often I’d convince myself that I was.

In the end it took five years to get proof. Five years of gaslighting and emotional abuse. I was a shell of the person I was before by that time. It was only once I had proof that I realised that I didn’t need it. So while I could hold my head up and say “Yes, I was right”, I’d sacrificed my mental and physical health. I had anxiety disorders so bad that I couldn’t leave the house for years. I lost my career, and my mind. He’d turned my family and our friends against me in a bid to cover his arse.

It was five years of hell. My biggest regret was not walking away immediately. Please don’t be me. You know that your gut is right. Don’t ignore it or you will pay a price that’s beyond the worth of any man. x

@Anonym00se I know what you are saying but I'm definitely in a fairly good place mentally, I've got a good job that I'm about to to start, having therapy etc. Things are pretty good despite this! I'm not going into detail but I can't actually leave now, it's not possible. It's not a mindset. It's a reality. I have to be here for the next year, I'm not broken but do appreciate I need to safeguard my wellbeing and hoping for strategies for that.

I’ve not been in this position, but I have friends who have been. I understand the need for proof and also the need to wait until the situation is better to leave. So my friends coped with it by planning- ruthlessly, in one case. She made sure that she was squirrelling money away out of the joint account and preserving her own account - so things she had tended to buy out of her account she now bought from the joint account. She bought next size up school uniform and winter coats. Closer to the time she moved things out of the house to her friends and sisters’ houses - sentimental items, out of season clothes, her baking stuff, sets of towels and bed linen etc. as she wasn’t sure what would happen over the house. In the end he did leave, but she could have moved swiftly if she needed to.

Hopefully you’ll get the answers you need soon.