How often do you have sex with your OH

[LiveLoveScream]

Exactly that really - how often are you intimate with your partner?

I feel I can't keep up with my partner's sex drive, and it's driving me away because I am feeling more of an object than his girlfriend.

Even without sex there is this constant need for touch, like I can't even sit on the couch without feeling suffocated sometimes - and I do like cuddles and touch - just not all the time. Sometimes it would be nice to enjoy his presence without having to be on top of each other (literally). I've had to tell him off on multiple occasions for having his hand on my butt in public, moving it up to my waist or something that is more acceptable. Honestly, it's like training a dog and I'm getting a bit exhausted.

I'm just wondering what the norm is. Is this a man thing? Or is it MY man thing?! Sometimes if I don't give in to sex, he states he "can't sleep without it" or "let's do this then we can sleep" or will literally say he "needs it". It's so demanding and frankly a turn-off because now I don't want to initiate it because if I can get a break, I will.

We went a few days without it, and he came to me saying we "haven't had it in ages." Surely couples don't have it this often?!

I would like to feel I could go to bed or come back from a night out with him and crash out without it being on the cards every time.

Have I got a sex pest on my hands?! Ugh.

What are your thoughts?

Me and DP of nearly 5 years only twice a month. Always been that way although I understand it's not a lot to most but our sex drive match so it's okay here!

I was going to say you're not compatible but it's far worse than that. He's coercive and doesn't respect your boundaries. I hope you aren't financially entagled and splitting is easy.

Boyfriend of 9 months, probably twice a day when we’re together. But we’ve had times when either one of us isn’t able (illness or surgery) when it hasn’t happened and isn’t an issue at all. We’re both mid 50’s.

Your OH is a sex pest and it’s not going to get any better. This is an issue where you need fundamental compatibility and this would be a deal breaker for me.

This worries me OP that your partner pressures you to have sex, this is not normal. He isn’t entitled to sex and he will survive if he doesn’t have it. I honestly would leave him as this isn’t going to improve and you shouldn’t be expected to have sex when you don’t want it.

You ned to get rid of him ASAP. He's already a sex pest and he's only a boyfriend, can you imagine what he'd be like if you married him? He's abusive because he is using emotional blackmail to get his way, of course he can sleep without sex, he doesn't need it, he wants it and I suspect it's in a control power sense rather than love. It's not normal, it's not normal, it's not normal. It's abuse, you've had to ask him more than once to stop feeling you up in public, you are having sex when you don't want to, please dump him now.

How long have you been together? He sounds awful. I would get out of that relationship as soon as possible.

Sex pest
in the bin

Men don't seem to get the more they pester for sex the less likely women are to actually want it. And the quicker they won't be having any sex as you've ditched them!

It's very much an ick for me, feeling touched out

We've been together 9 months - but feels like so much longer as he ended up moving in quickly because of his living situation (not intentionally, it just kind of happened, but I'm feeling foolish for it now).

I agree with the others, he sounds like one you should throw back.
Me and my husband attempt it maybe every few months, I'm just not interested. We have children together (5, 3 & 1) so in a way I don't see the need anymore 🤣

@LiveLoveScream this sounds like you’ve got yourself a cocklodger. No one should be rushed into making such a big decision as moving in together just because of external circumstances. No one should be coerced in to sex at the demands of their partner. Please assess whether this is actually what you want for your life.

Are you happy?
Do you like him?
Is he kind/helpful/considerate?
Does he pay his way and do his share at home?

If the answer is to any of those is no then perhaps you need to reconsider where this relationship is heading.

You've got yourself a sex pest who's also a cocklodger
Did he lovebomb you in the beginning?

Yes, exactly. It's not giving me a chance to actually want it and come to them.
It would be nice for a romantic evening or something to set the tone. There seems to be an expectation or it is suddenly thrown on me - I can't just turn it on/off like they seem to be able to do.
I couldn't get over one night where we had a bit of a tiff, and then he's putting it on me. Like I couldn't be less in the mood...

I want it more often than my DP despite me being a few years older than him. He’d be happy with maybe once or twice a month, but we do it once or twice a week when we’re both well and up for it, Buy there’s no pressure from either side, we just hold hands and stroke each others leg etc while watching TV and kiss in the kitchen, and sometimes that leads to sex.

It’s never ok for one partner to pressure or make the other feel guilty for not wanting it. He’s gross and he’s too old to change his attitude at this point. Dump.

2-3 times a week. We've been together 20 years.

But it doesn't matter what other people do. What matters is mutual respect and compatibility.

That is the other thing, he is older than me so I would have thought my libido would (or should) be higher? I was starting to think something was wrong with me to not want it all the time!
This sounds like a normal healthy amount.

It varies depending on mood and circumstances. Sometimes once a week, other times every day for a month. Usually something in-between.

Together getting on for 25 years.

Coercive sex pest. 🚩 Bin him off.

Gross.
We were more or less twice a week for years. Now with kids and life it can be anything from twice a night to twice a month!
But... I've never felt under pressure or pestered or any of the things you describe.
Same for previous boyfriends as well.

It's not a man thing, it's him. He's a sex pest and you're a vessel.

You should be a whole person with your own desires or disinclinations which are equally valid.

It was more how full on it all was, we were going out all the time (fun but not sustainable), going to events, new places etc. Very fast-paced. But I enjoyed this excitement and even having someone to meet me at work and go have a drink together. I think I missed this company and had something to do and look forward to. We were always doing things to the point where I couldn't keep up with his lifestyle.

@LiveLoveScream thats quite literally love bombing. I really would take a step back and assess what you really want in life.

I always assumed love bombing was being showered with gifts, so never really looked at it like that

OP, this isn't working for you. Get him out of your house.

He sounds dangerous and doesn't respect you one bit. Please dump him op xx

Mismatched sex drives rarely end well.