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Original poster

How often do you have sex with your OH

52 replies

LiveLoveScream · 10/12/2024 23:58

Exactly that really - how often are you intimate with your partner?

I feel I can't keep up with my partner's sex drive, and it's driving me away because I am feeling more of an object than his girlfriend.

Even without sex there is this constant need for touch, like I can't even sit on the couch without feeling suffocated sometimes - and I do like cuddles and touch - just not all the time. Sometimes it would be nice to enjoy his presence without having to be on top of each other (literally). I've had to tell him off on multiple occasions for having his hand on my butt in public, moving it up to my waist or something that is more acceptable. Honestly, it's like training a dog and I'm getting a bit exhausted.

I'm just wondering what the norm is. Is this a man thing? Or is it MY man thing?! Sometimes if I don't give in to sex, he states he "can't sleep without it" or "let's do this then we can sleep" or will literally say he "needs it". It's so demanding and frankly a turn-off because now I don't want to initiate it because if I can get a break, I will.

We went a few days without it, and he came to me saying we "haven't had it in ages." Surely couples don't have it this often?!

I would like to feel I could go to bed or come back from a night out with him and crash out without it being on the cards every time.

Have I got a sex pest on my hands?! Ugh.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
mrssunshinexxx · 11/12/2024 02:04

this sounds hideous
Imagine having a baby with him and how exhausted you'll be and still having that to deal with

AnonAnonmystery · 11/12/2024 15:49

Myself and do have been together nearly 5 years, it’s 3-5 times a week or on holiday will be everyday. My drive is a bit higher than his.

Gettingbysomehow · 11/12/2024 15:52

Sorry OP but he is an insecure sex pest. My ex husband of 20 years was like that and it got to the point where I couldn't stand him near me so we got divorced.
I think these men are addicted to porn and have mother issues. They are not keepers.

Original poster
LiveLoveScream · 11/12/2024 15:56

Gettingbysomehow · 11/12/2024 15:52

Sorry OP but he is an insecure sex pest. My ex husband of 20 years was like that and it got to the point where I couldn't stand him near me so we got divorced.
I think these men are addicted to porn and have mother issues. They are not keepers.

Edited

That's funny you mention the mother issues - he's definitely a mummy's boy, she's told me how affectionate he has always been. Then when he told me he loved me in front of her, she pipes up "oh but he loves me more". ahhhhh

OP posts:
GroovyChick87 · 11/12/2024 15:57

5 times on a good week, 3 on a slow week but can fluctuate depending on my cycle, if I'm tired or unwell etc. He is always up for it and I usually am. If he knows I'm not up for it he can read the signals and we will just cuddle. Generally though we don't have it less than 3 times a week and that suits us both.

livingafulllife · 11/12/2024 16:37

If i had a partner i would do it it every day if i could or at least 4 times a week.

Real1378262 · 11/12/2024 16:38

Get a job with opposing working hours. That way there might only be the opportunity of once a month or so! Pros and cons!

DayAfter · 11/12/2024 16:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

CheekyHobson · 11/12/2024 16:41

Boyfriend of around 10 months, see him four nights out of every fortnight due to child arrangements. We'd usually have sex most or even all days out of those four but if one of us is tired/sick/not feeling it for some reason, it's never an issue.

WaitingforStrike · 11/12/2024 16:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

While I don't disagree per se, consent and respect are also essential in a healthy relationship and it doesn't sound as if the OP has that.

Dealingwithatrexrightnow · 11/12/2024 16:49

LiveLoveScream · 10/12/2024 23:58

Exactly that really - how often are you intimate with your partner?

I feel I can't keep up with my partner's sex drive, and it's driving me away because I am feeling more of an object than his girlfriend.

Even without sex there is this constant need for touch, like I can't even sit on the couch without feeling suffocated sometimes - and I do like cuddles and touch - just not all the time. Sometimes it would be nice to enjoy his presence without having to be on top of each other (literally). I've had to tell him off on multiple occasions for having his hand on my butt in public, moving it up to my waist or something that is more acceptable. Honestly, it's like training a dog and I'm getting a bit exhausted.

I'm just wondering what the norm is. Is this a man thing? Or is it MY man thing?! Sometimes if I don't give in to sex, he states he "can't sleep without it" or "let's do this then we can sleep" or will literally say he "needs it". It's so demanding and frankly a turn-off because now I don't want to initiate it because if I can get a break, I will.

We went a few days without it, and he came to me saying we "haven't had it in ages." Surely couples don't have it this often?!

I would like to feel I could go to bed or come back from a night out with him and crash out without it being on the cards every time.

Have I got a sex pest on my hands?! Ugh.

What are your thoughts?

We have sex most days. Longest was a week. But he never asks. And he wouldn’t although I don’t think he has ever turned it down 🤣

it’s me that asks him most days or we start kissing and things progress.

I had a uti that was bad and I was on antibiotics and he didn’t even think to ask.

what you are describing though is dire. My partner says ‘no one ever died from not having sex’. No one needs sex. You might want it but it isn’t a right or a need.

Shodan · 11/12/2024 16:52

With DP, on average 2-3 times a week, both in our 50s, been together 8 years. It would probably be more if he didn't work silly shifts.

But with both my XHs, as little as possible- once every 3 weeks or so.

The difference is that I fancy DP loads and want to rip his clothes off. The XHs came over as sex pests more because I didn't fancy them loads and want to rip their clothes off, so most overtures from them were unwelcome.

However, even they weren't as repulsive about it as your other half, OP. I'd ditch him and find someone else.

smithey85 · 11/12/2024 17:43

With my Ex, if I was too tired for sex, even one night out of 7, she would get really shitty with me and accuse me of not fancying her among other things, and would often lead to fall outs and arguments. So, it's not just men that can be 'sex pests' .

I would say, from the fairly limited amount of info available, i wouldn't call your DP a sex pest, he is showing you he fancies you and wants to be intimate with you as much as possible, which is normal for a relationship of 9 months.

What is not ok, is if he keeps pestering for sex/affection after you have said no, or if he keeps acting inappropriately in public after he knows you don't like it.

The comments he makes after he is rejected might be said in a playful way, i don't know, if they were said in a coercive way then that's not right either.

The reality is, if he makes you feel uncomfortable, and you feel suffocated you need to tell him if you haven't done so already. If he disregards what you have said then unfortunately this relationship won't work. He may or may not be aware of what he is doing, and if he takes on board that he is too full on then if he truly respects you then he should, in theory, back off.

In my relationship prior to my last, we broke up due to a lack of sex/intimacy, for various reasons, and I remember her telling me she has never been with anyone who was so disinterested in ripping off her clothes.

So, in my last relationship, we were like rabbits, and I would do A LOT of PDA , i was fortunate that my DP at the time was fully consensual and liked the affection, but i am well aware that for 9/10 partners it would be seen as OTT.

Original poster
LiveLoveScream · 11/12/2024 21:55

smithey85 · 11/12/2024 17:43

With my Ex, if I was too tired for sex, even one night out of 7, she would get really shitty with me and accuse me of not fancying her among other things, and would often lead to fall outs and arguments. So, it's not just men that can be 'sex pests' .

I would say, from the fairly limited amount of info available, i wouldn't call your DP a sex pest, he is showing you he fancies you and wants to be intimate with you as much as possible, which is normal for a relationship of 9 months.

What is not ok, is if he keeps pestering for sex/affection after you have said no, or if he keeps acting inappropriately in public after he knows you don't like it.

The comments he makes after he is rejected might be said in a playful way, i don't know, if they were said in a coercive way then that's not right either.

The reality is, if he makes you feel uncomfortable, and you feel suffocated you need to tell him if you haven't done so already. If he disregards what you have said then unfortunately this relationship won't work. He may or may not be aware of what he is doing, and if he takes on board that he is too full on then if he truly respects you then he should, in theory, back off.

In my relationship prior to my last, we broke up due to a lack of sex/intimacy, for various reasons, and I remember her telling me she has never been with anyone who was so disinterested in ripping off her clothes.

So, in my last relationship, we were like rabbits, and I would do A LOT of PDA , i was fortunate that my DP at the time was fully consensual and liked the affection, but i am well aware that for 9/10 partners it would be seen as OTT.

Yes I agree it's not just men, women can be just as bad 😅He says to me he likes that I'm "still a challenge" - I don't view it like that, I view it as being comfortable with your partner in that you want a hug sometimes without it leading somewhere, or just enjoy their company and fall asleep on each other. Perhaps it's just the reassurance I need that there are other layers to our relationship.

OP posts:
smithey85 · 11/12/2024 22:27

Him saying he likes that you are ‘ a challenge’ is absolutely not ok and it sounds as if it’s a game to him.

next time, I would make him aware you have upped the difficulty level and not succumb to any of his advances. I rarely say this, but play him at his own (stupid) game. wear extra layers of clothes in the evening and make any other excuse you can think of not to be coerced into his little game.

When / if he picks up on it, I would explain that you are not a game, it shouldn’t be a challenge and you are a team that needs to work together.

LoafofSellotape · 11/12/2024 22:43

Urghhh, no likes a sex pest!

Modestandatinybitsexy · 12/12/2024 15:13

L

Comedycook · 12/12/2024 15:18

It doesn't really matter what other people do....you'll get answers ranging from never to three times a day and everything in-between. He sounds like a total shit...you've not been together long and he's had the absolute nerve to move into your house because he can't sort out his own life...then treats you like this. It hasn't even been a year. Get rid of him. And never forget the classic saying....no one falls in love faster than a man who needs somewhere to stay.

PiastriThePastry · 12/12/2024 15:19

He sounds pretty awful op, I don’t think this one is a keeper.

28andgreat · 12/12/2024 15:30

My vagina just clamped shut reading this thread.

Ick ick ick

put him in the bin.

FigTreeInEurope · 12/12/2024 15:52

A bloody challange! Ewww! So rank. Who is he, Glenn Quagmire?

wildfellhall · 12/12/2024 19:39

Oh god this would be my idea of hell!

You need to sit him down and say this is not sustainable as he isn't working with you for mutually acceptable/agreeable bedroom action.

I mean you need to set some boundaries immediately!

The guy is out if control but maybe a lot of people would be unless guided towards the path of sanity and adult manners and consideration, I mean he sounds literally like one if those horny dogs.

Please put your foot down and retrain or get rid.

TellySavalashairbrush · 12/12/2024 20:10

Amazed at those saying 3/4 times a week tbh. How do you find the time? Don’t you get tired? Have days when you don’t want to be near anyone at all? Even the thought of that level of frequency exhausts me 😂

GroovyChick87 · 14/12/2024 16:39

TellySavalashairbrush · 12/12/2024 20:10

Amazed at those saying 3/4 times a week tbh. How do you find the time? Don’t you get tired? Have days when you don’t want to be near anyone at all? Even the thought of that level of frequency exhausts me 😂

It's not always a long session, just long enough to make sure we're satisfied. I actually find when I'm a bit tired we end up having sex because we go to bed earlier and cuddle up rather than wasting time sitting downstairs watching telly, drinking wine or pottering round. If I'm exhausted I won't.

wizzywig · 14/12/2024 16:44

But if he doesn't ask, then the other person forgets too. God I'd love to have a touchy feely partner