My husband cheated a number of months ago, I found out bc I saw messages whilst he was at next to me pop up. I then looked at his phone. The only time I've done that. I then saw everything, all their messages and sexting and pictures.
I'm still so upset about it. We have 2 young children, I still have to see the OW as she is in the same town and our paths cross due to how small the town is.
He didn't tell me, I found out - which makes it worse bc I believe it would still be carrying on if he wasn't found out. I do know they only slept together once but were planning on it continuing. Their messages are so explicit and full of lust. If it matters, i counted her as a mutual friend of ours. She's not even that attractive.
I'm just still so devastated. I was happy, I thought he was happy but obviously not. He says it wasn't about me or us but can't tell me why he did it.
I thought I'd made my mind up to stay and try (so please don't all jump on with LTB) but I'm so up and down still. I'm such a mess.
I confronted the OW at the time and now have nothing to do with her. I'm so anxious I will see her when I'm out and about or with my children and what she'll think of me for staying. I've become quite reclusive and don't even like going put anymore.
I'm doing counselling but I don't know if it's helping. I've bought books and listen to podcasts casts but I just feel stagnant.
I question everything, am I too boring, am I not sexy enough, am I not exciting enough. I am a shell of a person.
Each day is a struggle, I feel I'm scraping by. Last night I just sat in the car for hours after getting home bc I couldn't face going in the house. There are days I just want to leave everything and run away and never come back. There are times I plan how I could just end it all.
This is the second time this has happened to me, so now I'm thinking it must be me.
I'm early forties, have put on a lot of weight (but already had when I met my husband) and I just feel a mess. I'm so exhausted all the time and I'm just completely broken.
FWIW he wants to make it work, he says he desperate to try but he can't tell me why he did it.
I honestly can't believe this is my life again.