I invite you to read this utter bollocks

[ConstantIllness]

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/dec/07/this-is-how-we-do-it-my-life-with-my-lover-exists-in-a-different-universe-to-my-marriage
"Sebastian and Viviana" oh please, they're probably really called Beryl and Colin. Breathing one another's essence in Milton Keynes. Ugh!

That has spoiled the entire concept of ice-cream for me permanently.

So…they’re fuck buddies 🙄

In fact, they don’t even fuck. They’re (electronic) pen-pals who send each other naughty stuff. Ridiculous.

That has definitely been made up by a couple of Guardian writers on the sauce, pissing themselves laughing as they make it ever more ridiculous.

Well I for one hope his wife finds out and takes him for his whole pension is every single multiverse.

The bollocks people tell themselves so they can still gaze in the mirror every morning without ever seeing themselves looking back

The Guardian as usual, promoting undesirables with no morals.

'As told to Kitty Drake' is more likely a fantasy of Kitty's putrid imagination.

I refuse to let them taint my Ben and Jerry's with their nonsense.

I bet they think they are travellers, not holidaymakers, when they go abroad. "Discover local bistros" rather than have lunch and "curate" their bookshelves.

Yup.

It's batshit.

She's deluded. They've not seen each other for the last two years. That's not a relationship.

This smacks of 'watched a few too many Marvel movies' 😂

Jesus. If I get to 72 with all my faculties in place, with a drive for romance and sex, and spaff it all on a mediocre man who uses me as wank fodder, I herby give permission for anyone who knows me to slap me silly.

That woman is deluded in every universe. I just cannot fathom being as obsessed over a liar and cheat at 72 as someone of 22 might be. She must have lived a very sheltered and lonely life to be tolerating this tripe.

I hope his wife is shagging her tennis instructor and biding her time before she takes him to the cleaners

I imagine if he was in her space farting and sniffing and leaving dirty coffee cups everywhere and he started expecting her to manage his medical appointments etc, the transcendental ardour might cool pretty quickly

Lol. This is too funny. Thank you for sharing, OP. I enjoyed this bollocks greatly. I shall also never look at a Mr Whippy in the same way.

I don’t feel guilty about our relationship, because I have conceptualised my relationship with Viviana as existing in a completely different universe to my marriage. Viviana and I have a keen interest in theoretical physics and the concept of the multiverse helps us

The whole article belongs in Pseuds' Corner in Private Eye.

Mr Whippy! 😂😂😂

Viviana and I have a keen interest in theoretical physics and the concept of the multiverse helps us

helps you keep her on the side for two years so she can step in to do your cleaning and ironing should your poor wife die first more like

definitely for pseuds corner
read it yesterday and thought, I bet MN will have something to say about that
my heart sinks every time I turn the page and find this feature, it is always some species of bollocks like this, polyamory appears frequently

I mean, aside from the fact that they both sound unbearable (breathing in each other’s breath? <boak>), if they identify as operating in another universe, we should respect that, surely? Otherwise we are terribly unenlightened unprogressive bigots. Or something.

There’s been a strike this week, protesting the sale of the Observers to Tortoise Media. I suspect this is someone’s act of quiet revenge…

🤣🤣🤣

I did think I might write to the Guardian to inform them of my utter disgust. Then I realised I would just get a smart arse response from them.
It's just such utter claptrap.

I was reading back through that column the other day and it is really a load of peak-Guardian horseshit. Two 'trans guys': 'I haven't had any surgery to alter my genitalia, but I do want Ben to see my genitals as male.' The sooner that paper fails, the better.

In that drawing, at first glance the man looks as though he has a long, blue willy.

Interesting. I do not get how they can send each other 40-60 messages a day. They both obviously have a lot of time on their hands.

I have a feeling they guy's wife will find out eventually and, if he is still alive, there will be Hell to pay for which I would not blame her one bit. Ot else she already knows, has done so for a long time, and honestly doesn't care a fig. I wonder how he would react to that?

Why that needed to be published, I have no idea. There's nothing unique about it.

The drawing is odd. Why are the man's trunks the same colour in the reflection, but the woman's bikini is different, and she's got her hair loose? If it's meant to represent their 'multiverse' you'd expect both reflections to be different.

I gave up on the Guardian years ago when I realised how left wing it is.

Utter pretentious drivel

And they have ruined ice cream