Am I been selfish

[Jenn12445]

Me and my partner have been together for 18months, it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster and had plenty of ups and downs, especially including his ex partner.

his ex partners father was in hospital for a week severely ill so he was staying at the house to be there for the children 19,18. Who were struggling. I’ve been fine with this and understanding.

hia ex partners father has now died, and he is staying there just now.

we are currently pregnant and no one knows yet as we are only 10weeks. I feel my emotions and hormones are all over the place and I’m thinking the worst. We have been very distant the past week due to him having commitments to his children just now and running back and forth to hospital.

I don’t know whether to raise this situation and explain how I’m unhappy about him staying there as I feel they could also be comforted without him physically staying overnight but the. I am thinking am I been selfish, and if I am, how long do I give hi. To continue doing this?

any advice would be appreciate, feel I’m going off my head

It is rubbish that he can't/won't prioritise the scan today. I'm assuming he hasn't told his dc about the baby?

I'm going to be very blunt here because I think that might be best for you right now @Jenn12445. It does look like that he is trying to worm his way back in with his ex. With her father passing, is there an inheritance coming the ex's way by any chance?

He isn't a good person. Good people don't treat you in the way that he has done during the relationship. He is absolutely right to be there for his dc right now but nasty people tend to have nasty motives.

@Jenn12445 - this guy sounds awful and the relationship sounds really fucked-up. He mistreats you so you go to leave and then you run back to him to prove there isn’t anyone else. And this is the first 18 months of your relationship when you should still be in the honeymoon phase.

Honestly, OP, let him go and get ready to raise your baby alone. This is no relationship in which to raise a baby. It’s no relationship to expose your current children to either.

What did you learn about relationships growing up? You sound quite vulnerable.

Yes I understand she was at the hospital when he was dying but unfortunately he has since died so she is not in the hospital now.
I find it strange you are heaping all the blame and responsibility onto the woman and you are bending over backwards to make excuses for the man.
This is digressing from the point that 18 and 19 year old are adults. Yes they are grieving but they are capable of coping with that grief without their father having to sleep with them.

You are making life so hard for yourself. He’s shown you what he’s like, why on earth are you having a child with him? You’ve got an 18 year old and a six year old, and you want a newborn with someone who treats you like this? Bonkers.

No his children don’t know about us being pregnant yet, he wants to get his daughters birthday out the way in January before they find out as he thinks it may upset them

The children were at the hospital the full time with the mother also, he was only running them home to change and maybe get food but they were at the hospital with the mum most of the time also

Do they know you are together?

I don’t think you quite get it op. If one of my parents were seriously unwell in hospital they would not want my ex husband fucking gawping at them. If I was seriously unwell in hospital I also wouldn’t want my ex daughter in law hanging around gawping at me.

Surely you wouldn’t want your ex hanging around if something happened to your parent?

I am not excusing him at all.
He's awful and is clearly not interested in having another child.

I have 4 children 18-24, and why wouldn't they want the support of their dad when their grandfather has died?
Very normal and to be expected.

Not every child is 100% independent at 19.

Who are you to say that every 18/19 is capable of dealing with grief as adults.
Ridiculous statement.

I don't know of any infact.
They like/enjoy their parents emotional support, especially around family bereavement.

Very normal for a father to be around his children at this time.

I cannot think of a single man I have ever known wanting to go back to the baby stage with much older children.
Those that have, have bitterly regretted it.

The OP needs to protect herself and her existing children.

Just read your previous threads OP - wtf are you doing wasting your life with this man who has shown you time and time again you’re not his priority.?
You admit you got with him very quickly after he split with his wife and his kids were happy about you.

Id seriously think about whether I wanted to tie myself to this man for at least 18 years and if going through the baby years again as a single mum when you’ve already got an adult DC is the best thing for you and your kids.

It does sound like he jumped into a rebound round you and he’s having second thoughts. He’s not a man wanting commitment imo